S10E09 - The Year of Washing Dangerously
0:32 - 0:34
WELL, I'M OFF TO THE PET STORE.
0:34 - 0:36
TURNS OUT I DIDN'T SOLVE THEIR RAT PROBLEM.
0:36 - 0:38
I SOLVED THEIR GERBIL PROBLEM.
0:38 - 0:40
DANG OL' JURY DUTY, MAN.
0:40 - 0:41
WELL, I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
0:41 - 0:42
I GOTTA GET TO THE OFFICE
0:42 - 0:45
TO WORK ON MY PRESENTATION TO BUCK.
0:45 - 0:47
I'M TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM TO PUT IN A NEW PATIO
0:47 - 0:49
WHERE CUSTOMERS CAN TEST DRIVE THE GRILLS.
0:49 - 0:52
PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO LISTEN TO YOUR IDEAS
0:52 - 0:55
IF YOU MAKE EYE CONTACT AND SAY THEIR NAME...
0:55 - 0:56
HANK.
0:56 - 0:57
KAHN: STUPID LOTTERY.
0:58 - 0:59
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WRONG.
0:59 - 1:01
I LIVE IN HILLBILLY NEIGHBORHOOD,
1:01 - 1:03
I BUY TICKET IN CRAP PART OF TOWN...
1:03 - 1:06
BUYING LOTTERY TICKETS IS LIKE BUYING HEALTH INSURANCE.
1:06 - 1:08
A SUCKER'S GAME.
1:08 - 1:11
HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO RISE ABOVE THIS MEDIOCRE EXISTENCE?
1:11 - 1:13
I ALREADY TRY MARRYING INTO MONEY.
1:13 - 1:14
MINH LIED TO ME!
1:14 - 1:16
HEY, KAHN, I KNOW THE SECRET TO SUCCESS:
1:18 - 1:19
HARD WORK.
1:19 - 1:22
AW, AND I LEANED IN FOR THAT, TOO.
1:22 - 1:24
( CHUCKLING )
1:22 - 1:24
YEAH, MAN.
1:24 - 1:26
HARD WORK FINE FOR YOU SWEAT STAINS,
1:26 - 1:27
BUT I'M MEANT FOR BETTER THINGS.
1:28 - 1:29
I NEED NEW LUCKY NUMBERS.
1:29 - 1:32
HEY, DAUTERIVE, WHAT DATE YOUR WIFE LEAVE YOU?
1:32 - 1:34
( PHONE RINGING )
1:34 - 1:35
I'LL GET IT.
1:35 - 1:36
DON'T ANSWER IT!
1:36 - 1:38
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE GOT CALLER ID.
1:38 - 1:40
TO WEED OUT THE UN-WANTABLES.
1:40 - 1:41
"OUT OF AREA?"
1:41 - 1:43
I SAY "OUT OF LUCK!"
1:43 - 1:44
WOW!
1:44 - 1:46
CAN I NOT ANSWER THE NEXT CALL?
1:46 - 1:47
SURE.
1:47 - 1:49
I SHOULD TELL NANCY ABOUT THIS.
1:49 - 1:52
I HAVE JUST ENDED THE TELEMARKETING INDUSTRY AS WE KNOW IT.
1:54 - 1:56
( LINE RINGING )
1:56 - 1:58
HMM, MAYBE SHE'S NOT HOME.
1:58 - 2:00
BUT HER CAR'S IN THE DRIVEWAY.
2:02 - 2:04
PEGGY: OH, THERE SHE IS.
2:07 - 2:08
( GASPING )
2:08 - 2:10
YOU'VE BEEN SCREENED.
2:13 - 2:14
SO AS YOU CAN SEE,
2:14 - 2:18
WE CAN USE LAST MONTH'S UNEXPECTED COLD SNAP PROFITS
2:18 - 2:21
TO BUILD A TEST GRILL PATIO.
2:21 - 2:24
I FIGURE INSTEAD OF JUST SEEING PICTURES OF CHAR PATTERNS,
2:24 - 2:27
CUSTOMERS CAN ACTUALLY LIVE THEM.
2:28 - 2:31
AHH... WHERE DID I LOSE YOU, SIR?
2:31 - 2:32
WHAT?
2:32 - 2:34
OH, I'M SORRY, OL' TOP.
2:34 - 2:36
I JUST GOT NO HEAD FOR BUSINESS RIGHT NOW.
2:36 - 2:39
LAST NIGHT I WAS OUT WITH ONE OF MY LADY FRIENDS,
2:39 - 2:40
AND THE BARTENDER ASKED ME
2:40 - 2:44
WHAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER WOULD LIKE TO DRINK.
2:44 - 2:46
THEY USED TO ASK WHAT MY DAUGHTER WANTED.
2:46 - 2:49
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE YOU NEED TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD
2:49 - 2:51
FOR AN IMPORTANT DECISION LIKE THIS.
2:51 - 2:52
YOU KNOW, I'M GOING OVER
2:52 - 2:55
TO SCRUBBY'S CAR WASH TONIGHT FOR CRUISE NIGHT.
2:55 - 2:56
THAT'S ALWAYS A GOOD TIME.
2:56 - 2:57
WHY DON'T YOU COME ALONG?
2:57 - 2:58
THEY STILL DO THAT?
2:58 - 3:01
I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE SINCE MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND
3:01 - 3:03
THREW UP TICKLED PINK ALL OVER MY MUSTANG.
3:03 - 3:05
I'M IN!
3:08 - 3:12
AW, STUPID BOSS MAKE ME STAY LATE AGAIN.
3:12 - 3:13
I KNOW HE STILL MAD
3:13 - 3:15
'CAUSE I TRIED TO WIPE OFF
3:15 - 3:17
HIS WIFE'S BIRTHMARK AT LAST YEAR'S CHRISTMAS PARTY.
3:17 - 3:19
THAT NOT YOUR FAULT, KAHN.
3:19 - 3:22
EVERYONE THERE THOUGHT IT WAS BARBECUE SAUCE.
3:22 - 3:24
LIFE SO UNFAIR.
3:24 - 3:27
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT WHEN I WALK BY
3:27 - 3:29
PEOPLE SAY, "LOOK AT THAT LUCKY BASTARD.
3:29 - 3:30
I HATE HIM." HMM.
3:31 - 3:32
ANNOUNCER ( ON TV ): MONEY, MONEY, MONEY...
3:32 - 3:34
QUICK, MINH, TURN UP THE TV.
3:35 - 3:36
STEAK AND LOBSTER AGAIN.
3:36 - 3:38
AM I TIRED OF IT?
3:38 - 3:40
YOU BET I'M NOT!
3:40 - 3:43
FRIENDS, YOU TOO CAN BE RICH LIKE DR. MONEY
3:43 - 3:47
AND HAVE CHAMPAGNE FOR BREAKFAST AND CAVIAR FOR YOUR CATS!
3:47 - 3:50
HOW MUCH RETURN DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR INVESTMENT?
3:50 - 3:52
100%? 200%?
3:52 - 3:56
OKAY, MR. HARD BARGAIN-- 400%!
3:56 - 3:59
AND ALL BY JUST WALKING OUT TO YOUR MAILBOX!
3:59 - 4:03
OF COURSE, WALKING TO MAILBOX NOT SO EASY...
4:03 - 4:06
WHEN YOUR MANSION THIS BIG!
4:09 - 4:12
( BEACH BOYS "FUN, FUN, FUN" PLAYING )
4:12 - 4:14
( CHATTERING )
4:18 - 4:19
HEY, BOB,
4:19 - 4:21
WANT ME TO HELP YOU WIND THAT THING UP
4:21 - 4:22
SO YOU CAN DRIVE IT HOME?
4:22 - 4:24
( LAUGHING )
4:24 - 4:25
GOOD ONE, HANK.
4:25 - 4:26
BECAUSE I'LL DO IT!
4:26 - 4:29
OKAY, HANK, YOU WENT PAST THE JOKE.
4:31 - 4:34
HEY, MR. STRICKLAND, GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.
4:34 - 4:37
WE WERE MAKING FUN OF BOB CHOATE'S CHEVELLE IF YOU WANT TO JOIN IN.
4:37 - 4:38
CHOATE'S HERE?
4:38 - 4:41
AW, DANG, I SLEPT WITH HIS WIFE.
4:41 - 4:42
HEY, NICE CAR.
4:42 - 4:44
YOU GONNA GIVE ME A RIDE SOMETIME?
4:44 - 4:45
DANG OL'... YO.
4:53 - 4:54
HEY. [ GIGGLING ]
4:54 - 4:57
( WOLF WHISTLE )
4:57 - 5:00
THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE MY CADDY A SECOND LOOK.
5:01 - 5:06
UH, TODAY I GET STUCK IN ELEVATOR FOR SIX HOURS.
5:06 - 5:08
BEST DAY OF MY CAREER.
5:08 - 5:11
AH, KAHN, YOU GOT A SERIOUS CASE OF THE BLUES.
5:11 - 5:13
YOU BETTER SEE A DOCTOR.
5:14 - 5:15
OH!
5:16 - 5:17
( THEME MUSIC PLAYING )
5:17 - 5:19
CONGRATULATIONS, FUTURE MILLIONAIRE.
5:19 - 5:21
BEFORE WE BEGIN,
5:21 - 5:24
I MUST ASK YOU TO LOWER YOUR BLINDS AND PULL YOUR CURTAINS,
5:24 - 5:29
SO THAT ONLY YOU CAN BENEFIT FROM DR. MONEY'S WEALTH SECRETS.
5:29 - 5:30
TELL ME, WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER DO:
5:30 - 5:34
WORK HARD ALL YOUR LIFE FOR PEANUTS,
5:34 - 5:36
OR GET RICH BY DOING THIS?
5:36 - 5:39
OWNING A TURNKEY OPERATION.
5:39 - 5:42
WHAT IS A TURNKEY OPERATION, DR. MONEY?
5:42 - 5:44
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, AMBER.
5:44 - 5:47
A TURNKEY OPERATION IS A BUSINESS THAT RUNS ITSELF
5:47 - 5:51
WHILE YOU JUST REAP THE REWARDS FOR DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
5:51 - 5:52
GIRL: DR. MONEY,
5:53 - 5:55
DO YOU THINK I COULD OWN A TURNKEY OPERATION?
5:56 - 5:57
ABSOLUTELY, RIO.
5:57 - 5:58
THIS IS AMERICA.
5:58 - 6:01
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LEVERAGE YOUR HOME,
6:01 - 6:05
CAR OR OTHER ASSETS INTO A NO-MONEY DOWN LOAN.
6:05 - 6:07
WOW!
6:05 - 6:07
WOW!
6:09 - 6:13
OH, OF COURSE, A TURNKEY OPERATION.
6:13 - 6:15
NOW WE JUST NEED TO FIND ONE.
6:15 - 6:17
WHY WOULDN'T NANCY TAKE MY CALL?
6:17 - 6:18
I'M HER BEST FRIEND.
6:18 - 6:20
AND SHE'S ONE OF MY FRIENDS.
6:20 - 6:23
MAYBE SHE JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.
6:23 - 6:24
NANCY? PLEASE.
6:24 - 6:26
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH- BLAH-BLAH.
6:26 - 6:29
MAYBE SHE'S MAD AT ME FOR SOME REASON.
6:29 - 6:30
YOU SHOULD ASK HER...
6:30 - 6:33
OH, RIGHT, SHE WON'T PICK UP THE PHONE.
6:33 - 6:35
WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE ALTERNATIVE.
6:35 - 6:38
WE ARE GOING TO STAND OUTSIDE THAT HOUSE AND SPY ON HER.
6:43 - 6:46
I WISH I KNEW HOW IT FELT TO BE A CLASSIC CAR
6:46 - 6:50
THAT EVERYONE LOVED AND WANTED TO WASH WITH A SPONGE.
6:50 - 6:51
WISH GRANTED.
6:54 - 6:56
( ENGINE REVS, RUMBLES )
6:56 - 6:58
YEAH, FEAST YOUR EYES
6:58 - 7:04
ON MY MINT CONDITION 1969 PLYMOUTH BARRACUDA, OL' TOP.
7:05 - 7:06
WELL, YOU GALS
7:06 - 7:09
LOOK PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE ON A MUD FLAP.
7:09 - 7:10
( GIGGLING )
7:09 - 7:10
WANT A RIDE?
7:12 - 7:16
I WONDER IF THAT'S THE LINE THAT CHARMED BOB CHOATE'S WIFE.
7:21 - 7:22
( HORN HONKING )
7:22 - 7:24
DANG IT, KAHN, YOU CAN'T JUST CUT
7:24 - 7:25
TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE.
7:25 - 7:29
OH, ARE YOU SAYING I ACT LIKE I OWN THE PLACE?
7:29 - 7:31
WELL, GUESS WHAT--
7:32 - 7:32
I DO!
7:32 - 7:33
SEE,
7:33 - 7:36
I NEED TO GET RICH AND ONCE I FOUND OUT
7:36 - 7:38
YOU DUMB REDNECKS PAY SOMEONE ELSE
7:38 - 7:40
SO YOU CAN WASH YOUR OWN CAR,
7:40 - 7:43
I KNEW I'D FOUND MY TURNKEY GOLD MINE.
7:43 - 7:46
HEY! YOU GUYS! NO LOITERING!
7:46 - 7:47
THIS NOT A COFFEE SHOP!
7:47 - 7:50
YOU PAY, SPRAY, THEN GO AWAY!
7:47 - 7:50
GIRL: OH, LET'S GO.
7:50 - 7:51
( TIRES SCREECHING )
7:51 - 7:53
COME AGAIN!
8:04 - 8:05
I DON'T GET IT, KAHN.
8:05 - 8:08
HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU WIND UP BUYING SCRUBBY'S?
8:08 - 8:10
BY NOT LISTENING TO YOU.
8:10 - 8:12
YOU THINK HARD WORK IS SECRET TO SUCCESS,
8:12 - 8:14
BUT I GET SECOND OPINION-- FROM DR. MONEY!
8:14 - 8:16
I JUST LEVERAGE HOUSE TO RAISE CAPITAL,
8:17 - 8:20
AND THEN FIND TURNKEY OWNER WITH A LITTLE PROBLEM.
8:20 - 8:21
GLUG-GLUG-GLUG!
8:21 - 8:24
SIX MARTINIS LATER, I OWN SCRUBBY'S!
8:24 - 8:27
NOW I'M ON EASY STREET.
8:27 - 8:28
( LAUGHS )
8:28 - 8:29
I SHOW YOU!
8:29 - 8:31
THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS.
8:31 - 8:32
TRUST ME, KAHN. YOU'RE GOING TO SEE I'M...
8:32 - 8:34
WHAT, HANK?
8:34 - 8:37
I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER JANGLING OF SUCCESS.
8:39 - 8:43
KAHN: OH, MINH, COME HERE.
8:43 - 8:47
YOU EVER MAKE LOVE TO A FUTURE MILLIONAIRE ON PILE OF QUARTERS?
8:47 - 8:51
NO. BUT ASK ME AGAIN TOMORROW MORNING.
8:53 - 8:54
WHOO!
8:54 - 8:56
LOOK AT ALL THESE QUARTERS, MINH.
8:56 - 8:57
WE FINALLY ON OUR WAY!
8:58 - 9:00
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO BUY FIRST?
9:00 - 9:02
OH! WE GET FULL-BODY CAT SCANS!
9:02 - 9:04
YES! AND THEN BUY SUPER BOWL AD
9:04 - 9:07
TO TELL MY OLD BOSS TO GO TO HELL!
9:10 - 9:13
THIS BED FULL OF QUARTERS IS GREAT,
9:13 - 9:15
BUT CAN IT REALLY MAKE US HAPPY?
9:15 - 9:17
WELL, YOU RIGHT.
9:17 - 9:19
WE NEED MORE QUARTERS!
9:19 - 9:22
SO YOU WANT TO MAKE EVEN MORE MONEY?
9:22 - 9:23
WELL, I SAY,
9:23 - 9:25
TAKE A SHORTCUT!
9:27 - 9:28
SHORTCUT. YES!
9:28 - 9:30
I KNEW HANK HILL A MORON.
9:31 - 9:34
( CAR ENGINE ROARING )
9:34 - 9:36
( STRICKLAND YELLING )
9:36 - 9:37
( ENGINE ROARING, STRICKLAND YELLING )
9:37 - 9:39
( GIRLS LAUGHING )
9:39 - 9:42
WHOO-HOO! ( SHOUTING )
9:46 - 9:48
OKAY. ON MY SIGNAL, YOU DIAL.
9:48 - 9:51
THEN JOSEPH WILL CHECK THE CALLER ID
9:51 - 9:52
AND SAY IT'S ME.
9:52 - 9:54
THEN NANCY WILL SAY, "PEGGY?
9:54 - 9:57
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER BECAUSE OF X."
9:57 - 9:58
I DON'T KNOW, MOM.
9:58 - 10:01
AND, BESIDES, I DON'T EVEN THINK WE CAN HEAR THEM.
10:02 - 10:04
( NO AUDIO )
10:02 - 10:04
YOU'RE RIGHT.
10:04 - 10:06
THIS ISN'T GOING TO WORK.
10:07 - 10:09
WE ARE GOING INSIDE.
10:11 - 10:13
( CHATTERING )
10:19 - 10:21
OH, MINH, GREAT SHORTCUT.
10:21 - 10:24
WE GOT SPRAY TIME CUT IN HALF.
10:24 - 10:26
HALF THE TIME, TWICE THE MONEY.
10:27 - 10:29
KAHN: IT GOING TO COST FIVE DOLLARS
10:29 - 10:31
TO VACUUM THAT SEAT.
10:33 - 10:35
♪HEAD, THORAX, KNEES ♪
10:35 - 10:37
♪AND TOES, KNEES AND TOES... ♪
10:37 - 10:39
HEY, REDNECKS!
10:39 - 10:41
NO BUCKETS!
10:41 - 10:42
YOU PAY FOR SPRAY!
10:42 - 10:44
NOT USE FREE WATER!
10:44 - 10:46
KAHN! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
10:47 - 10:49
IF YOU NOT PUTTING A QUARTER IN SOMETHING, MOVE ON!
10:49 - 10:51
THE SPRAYER ONLY GIVES A COUPLE OF SECONDS
10:51 - 10:52
OF SPRAY FOR A QUARTER.
10:52 - 10:54
YEAH. AND THE CHANGE MACHINE
10:54 - 10:56
ONLY GIVES THREE QUARTERS FOR A DOLLAR.
10:57 - 10:59
AH, SO SOLLY.
10:59 - 11:00
NO SPEAKEE ENGRISH.
11:01 - 11:03
( SPEAKING LAOTIAN )
11:03 - 11:05
HE SPEAKS ENGLISH.
11:05 - 11:07
DANG IT, KAHN, YOU'RE JUST ASKING FOR A PHONE CALL
11:07 - 11:09
TO THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU.
11:09 - 11:11
QUARTER. QUARTER.
11:13 - 11:14
( ALL MUTTERING )
11:14 - 11:17
ADIOS, FREELOADERS!
11:27 - 11:30
THAT DO ANYTHING?
11:30 - 11:31
LITTLE BIT?
11:31 - 11:32
NOTHING.
11:32 - 11:33
OUR SHORTCUT DRIVE AWAY
11:33 - 11:35
OUR LOYAL REDNECK CUSTOMER BASE.
11:35 - 11:38
WE GOING TO LOSE OUR HEAVILY-MORTGAGED HOUSE.
11:38 - 11:40
OH, MINH! I CAN'T LIVE IN A WORLD
11:40 - 11:42
WHERE HANK HILL IS RIGHT.
11:43 - 11:45
DAMN THAT KAHN.
11:45 - 11:47
I HAD TO USE ALL OF NANCY'S BODY WASH
11:47 - 11:49
JUST TO CLEAN THE HOOD.
11:50 - 11:53
HANK, WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED TO SCRUBBY'S?
11:53 - 11:55
THERE'S NO ONE THERE FOR ME TO SHOW OFF MY NEW JALOPY TO.
11:56 - 11:57
WELL, MR. STRICKLAND,
11:57 - 11:58
I'M SORRY TO INFORM YOU
11:58 - 12:00
THAT MY NEIGHBOR, KAHN,
12:00 - 12:02
RECENTLY PURCHASED SCRUBBY'S.
12:02 - 12:03
IT'S FALLEN ON HARD TIMES.
12:03 - 12:06
JUST WHEN THE SUN STARTED SHINING AGAIN,
12:06 - 12:08
SOMEONE THROWS A BURLAP SACK OVER MY HEAD
12:08 - 12:10
AND BEATS ME WITH A PIPE.
12:10 - 12:11
YEP. IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME
12:11 - 12:14
TILL KAHN WILL HAVE TO CLOSE THE DOORS
12:14 - 12:16
AND DESTROY CRUISE NIGHT ALTOGETHER.
12:16 - 12:18
DANG IT! I'M GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK ABOUT BUSINESS
12:18 - 12:20
WITH THIS KAHN PERSON.
12:22 - 12:24
I WONDER IF HE'S GOING TO GET
12:24 - 12:25
THE "SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE"
12:25 - 12:28
OR THE "HARD WORK IS ITS OWN REWARD" SPEECH.
12:28 - 12:30
EITHER ONE'S A WINNER.
12:30 - 12:32
( NO AUDIO )
12:32 - 12:34
BOY, LOOK AT THAT.
12:34 - 12:36
BUCK'S GIVING KAHN A THREE-MINUTE MBA,
12:36 - 12:38
I TELL YOU WHAT.
12:38 - 12:40
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN EVEN LEARN SOMETHING
12:40 - 12:42
FROM THE BACK OF MR. STRICKLAND'S HEAD.
12:42 - 12:44
DALE: THEY'RE SHAKING HANDS.
12:44 - 12:47
KISS HIM... KISS HIM...
12:47 - 12:50
NOPE. IT APPEARS TO BE JUST THE HANDSHAKE.
12:50 - 12:52
OKAY, OL' TOP.
12:52 - 12:54
I GOT EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.
12:54 - 12:55
( CHEERING )
12:55 - 12:57
WELL, THIS CALLS FOR A BEER.
12:57 - 12:58
YEAH. DON'T STAY UP TOO LATE, HANK,
12:59 - 13:01
'CAUSE YOU GOT TO REPORT DOWN TO THE CAR WASH
13:01 - 13:02
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
13:02 - 13:04
REPORT?
13:04 - 13:05
BUT... UH...
13:05 - 13:07
THAT'S RIGHT.
13:07 - 13:09
SCRUBBY'S IS PART OF THE STRICKLAND FAMILY NOW.
13:09 - 13:12
I TALKED SOME SENSE INTO KAHN'S HEAD,
13:12 - 13:14
AND NOW I'M MAJORITY OWNER.
13:14 - 13:16
BUT... BUT HOW?
13:16 - 13:17
YOU KNOW THAT TEST GRILL GAZEBO
13:17 - 13:18
YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT?
13:18 - 13:19
PATIO. YES.
13:19 - 13:20
I USED THAT MONEY.
13:21 - 13:23
HEY, HANK HILL!
13:23 - 13:25
MY NEW EMPLOYEE!
13:25 - 13:27
BETTER PUNCH IN EARLY!
13:27 - 13:29
( SIGHS )
13:34 - 13:36
HANK: I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
13:37 - 13:37
HANK, THIS IS CRAZY.
13:38 - 13:39
YOU CAN'T WORK FOR KAHN.
13:39 - 13:41
YOU CAN BARELY SHARE A FENCE WITH HIM.
13:41 - 13:43
WELL, I MAY NOT BE HAPPY ABOUT IT,
13:43 - 13:45
BUT I'M NOT GOING
13:45 - 13:46
TO START SECOND-GUESSING BUCK STRICKLAND.
13:47 - 13:48
EVERYONE THOUGHT HE WAS CRAZY
13:48 - 13:50
WHEN HE PAINTED PROPANE TANKS LIKE COWS.
13:51 - 13:53
NOW YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT WAS SPRINGTIME WITHOUT 'EM.
13:53 - 13:54
I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, HANK.
13:57 - 14:00
DO YOU STILL HAVE THE GRIBBLES' SPARE HOUSE KEY?
14:00 - 14:02
NO? OKAY.
14:11 - 14:12
HEY, REDNECK,
14:12 - 14:13
WHEN YOU DONE EMPTYING GARBAGE,
14:14 - 14:15
YOU GO GET ME MANGO SMOOTHIE.
14:15 - 14:17
THAT IS NOT PART OF THE JOB.
14:17 - 14:18
OUR JOB IS TO WORK HARD
14:19 - 14:20
TO GET THIS PLACE BACK IN ORDER.
14:20 - 14:22
YOUR JOB IS TO WORK HARD.
14:22 - 14:24
MY JOB IS TO SIT IN AIR-CONDITIONED OFFICE
14:25 - 14:27
BOOKING TRIP TO MEXICO WITH MY HOT WIFE.
14:28 - 14:30
SEE WHAT SLOW AND STEADY GET YOU, HANK HILL?
14:30 - 14:31
WORKING FOR ME!
14:31 - 14:32
YOU WAIT AND SEE.
14:32 - 14:34
BUCK KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING HERE.
14:34 - 14:36
HIS PLAN IS TO...
14:36 - 14:37
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
14:37 - 14:39
I GOT TO GO SNAKE THE DRAINS.
14:39 - 14:41
YEAH, GET TO IT. CHOP CHOP!
14:41 - 14:44
OH, BUT FOR NOW ON, YOU CALL ME "BIG CHIEF."
14:44 - 14:45
IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN.
14:45 - 14:47
OKAY, WE'LL KEEP IT INFORMAL.
14:47 - 14:49
"CHIEF" IS FINE.
14:49 - 14:52
NOW CLEAN UP MY GOLD MINE, MONKEY.
14:52 - 14:55
OW! BAD MONKEY!
15:01 - 15:04
( SCREAMING )
15:05 - 15:07
( VACUUM WHOOSHING )
15:13 - 15:15
( CLANGING )
15:13 - 15:15
( LAUGHING )
15:16 - 15:19
THIS MARTINI IS GOOD,
15:19 - 15:20
BUT MAYBE IT WOULD TASTE BETTER
15:20 - 15:22
IF STIRRED BY HANK HILL.
15:22 - 15:23
AND I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
15:24 - 15:25
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
15:25 - 15:30
IT'S LIKE DR. MONEY ALWAYS SAY, "HAVE A DREAM, THEN DOUBLE IT."
15:30 - 15:33
WAIT. DR. MONEY NEVER SAY THAT.
15:33 - 15:34
WHERE YOU HEAR THAT?
15:34 - 15:37
HUH, I MUST HAVE JUST MADE IT UP.
15:37 - 15:41
HEY, WHY DON'T WE SELL HOW-TO VIDEOS?
15:41 - 15:44
WE'RE ASIAN, WE OWN A CAMERA.
15:45 - 15:49
HELLO, I AM DR. QUARTERS.
15:49 - 15:52
ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING A HAMSTER ON A WHEEL TO NOWHERE?
15:52 - 15:55
AREN'T YOU DYING TO TELL YOUR BOSS TO GO TO HELL?
15:55 - 15:57
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
15:57 - 16:00
BUY MY VIDEO AND LEARN THE SECRET TO SUCCESS.
16:00 - 16:01
CUT!
16:01 - 16:03
COME ON, LADIES.
16:03 - 16:05
DR. QUARTERS IS ROCKING YOUR WORLD.
16:05 - 16:07
LOOK AT HIM ACCORDINGLY. ACTION.
16:07 - 16:10
I WAS NOT BORN DR. QUARTERS.
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DANG IT, KAHN.
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I'M TRYING TO WORK HERE.
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CUT!
16:13 - 16:14
NO, KEEP ROLLING.
16:14 - 16:16
YES, YES, YOU ARE TRYING TO WORK HERE.
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WHICH LEADS US TO LESSON NUMBER ONE:
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GET YOUR OWN WORK MONKEY.
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MINE IS NAMED HANK HILL.
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AND YOU CAN NAME YOURS WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
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LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE,
16:25 - 16:27
BUT I'VE GOT CUSTOMERS LINED UP.
16:27 - 16:29
AND YOU WILL, TOO,
16:29 - 16:32
IF YOU ORDER MY WEALTH-BUILDING SYSTEM.
16:32 - 16:33
( GASPS )
16:33 - 16:35
WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GIRLS DOING?
16:35 - 16:36
YOU DON'T FREAK THE MONKEY!
16:37 - 16:39
YOU FREAK DR. QUARTERS!
16:45 - 16:46
OKAY, BOBBY, WE'RE GOING
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TO NEED A DISTRACTION. IDEAS?
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WELL,
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I SAW SOMETHING IN HISTORY CLASS. FROM THE CIVIL WAR...
16:52 - 16:53
BRAINSTORM!
16:54 - 16:56
( GLASS BREAKS )
16:59 - 17:02
I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT I STILL SAY YOU DID IT.
17:02 - 17:04
MAYBE I DID IT WITH THE POWERS I HAVE
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THAT I STILL DON'T KNOW I HAVE.
17:06 - 17:09
( GRUNTING )
17:11 - 17:13
( GRUNTING )
17:16 - 17:19
( PHONE RINGS )
17:19 - 17:22
MA, IT'S MRS. HILL.
17:22 - 17:24
OH, GEE, I CAN'T TALK TO HER NOW.
17:24 - 17:25
HERE IT COMES.
17:25 - 17:26
I BORROWED HER SWEATER.
17:26 - 17:28
I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT DRY-CLEANED.
17:28 - 17:29
I KNEW IT!
17:29 - 17:33
NANCY ISN'T MAD AT ME, SHE JUST FEELS GUILTY.
17:33 - 17:34
YOU KNOW WHAT?
17:34 - 17:35
I'M NOT BEING AN ADULT ABOUT THIS.
17:36 - 17:37
I'M GOING TO CALL HER BACK.
17:37 - 17:38
( GASPS )
17:38 - 17:39
( PHONE RINGING )
17:39 - 17:41
WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?!
17:41 - 17:44
DON'T ANSWER IT. TAKE OUT THE BATTERIES!
17:44 - 17:46
( GRUNTS )
17:46 - 17:48
WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TWO DOING IN MY CLOSET?
17:48 - 17:52
WELL, MY SWEATER'S NOT IN HERE, BOBBY.
17:52 - 17:54
I GUESS I'LL JUST BE TAKING THIS
17:54 - 17:56
UNTIL IT TURNS UP.
17:57 - 17:59
HEH-HEH.
18:00 - 18:02
( CHATTERING )
18:02 - 18:05
THE PLACE LOOKS GREAT, HANK.
18:05 - 18:06
KAHN REALLY SEEMS
18:06 - 18:07
TO BE GETTING THE BEST OUT OF YOU.
18:07 - 18:09
SHUT UP, DALE.
18:11 - 18:13
GOOD WORK, OL' TOP.
18:13 - 18:14
HELLO, LADIES.
18:14 - 18:15
NOW, I'M NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT,
18:15 - 18:17
BUT I GOT A LOT OF MONEY.
18:18 - 18:20
ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING STUPID REDNECKS
18:21 - 18:23
LIVING FROM ONE PAYCHECK TO THE NEXT?
18:23 - 18:24
THEN YOU SHOULD BUY MY VIDEO
18:24 - 18:27
AND LEARN HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.
18:27 - 18:28
LOOK, KAHN, I HAVE WORKED REAL HARD
18:29 - 18:31
TO GET THE CUSTOMERS BACK HERE.
18:31 - 18:32
DON'T DRIVE THEM AWAY.
18:32 - 18:34
JUST GO LOOK AT YOUR CATALOGS
18:34 - 18:36
OR WHATEVER YOU DO IN THAT OFFICE
18:36 - 18:37
AND LET ME DO MY JOB.
18:37 - 18:39
OH, TRYING TO GET RID OF ME, ARE YOU?
18:39 - 18:41
YOU TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME?
18:41 - 18:42
EMPTY YOUR POCKETS!
18:42 - 18:44
I'M NOT GOING TO EMPTY MY POCKETS.
18:44 - 18:46
SOMETHING TO HIDE, HUH?
18:46 - 18:49
KAHN, GET AWAY FROM ME.
18:49 - 18:51
AH! A QUARTER! I KNEW IT. THIEF!
18:51 - 18:52
THAT IS MY PERSONAL QUARTER.
18:53 - 18:54
I BROUGHT IT FROM HOME.
18:54 - 18:56
HOW MANY MORE OF MY QUARTERS YOU GOT IN THERE?
18:56 - 18:58
GOT DANG IT, KAHN, THAT DOES IT!
18:58 - 18:59
I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!
18:59 - 19:00
YEAH, ALL RIGHT!
19:01 - 19:03
( KAHN SHRIEKS )
19:04 - 19:07
HA-HA, YOU CAN'T GET ME, REDNECK.
19:16 - 19:18
MR. STRICKLAND, HELP ME!
19:18 - 19:20
YOU GOT TO LEARN HOW TO TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS
19:20 - 19:22
AND STOP CALLING ME YOUR DANG MONKEY.
19:22 - 19:23
DANG IT, HANK,
19:23 - 19:24
LEAVE HIM ALONE!
19:25 - 19:26
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT I...
19:26 - 19:28
I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
19:28 - 19:29
I LEFT JEANS WEST
19:29 - 19:31
TO WORK FOR ONE OF THE MOST ADMIRED MEN
19:32 - 19:33
IN ARLEN BUSINESS--
19:33 - 19:34
BUCK STRICKLAND.
19:34 - 19:36
NOT FOR A LAZY IDIOT THAT DOESN'T KNOW
19:36 - 19:37
WHAT THE HELL HE'S DOING.
19:37 - 19:39
IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING,
19:39 - 19:41
HOW COME I'M THE ONE WHO MORTGAGED HIS HOUSE
19:41 - 19:42
FOR A CARWASH?
19:42 - 19:45
HOW COME I'M THE ONE WEARING A JACKET OF QUARTERS?
19:45 - 19:47
HOW COME YOU WORKING FOR ME?
19:47 - 19:48
NOT ANYMORE I'M NOT.
19:49 - 19:50
HANK, YOU KNOW THIS CARWASH
19:50 - 19:52
IS PART OF THE STRICKLAND FAMILY.
19:52 - 19:54
YOU QUIT IT, YOU'RE QUITTING STRICKLAND.
19:54 - 19:56
IF YOU SAY SO, SIR.
19:57 - 19:58
WHO NEED HIM?
19:58 - 20:00
HE NOT KNOW HOW TO DOUBLE UP ON OUR DREAMS.
20:00 - 20:02
THAT MY WEALTH- BUILDING SECRET.
20:02 - 20:03
NOT BAD.
20:03 - 20:05
I GOT MY OWN LITTLE SUCCESS SECRET.
20:05 - 20:07
NEVER KILL THE GOLDEN GOOSE.
20:07 - 20:08
GOOSE, HUH?
20:08 - 20:11
KAHN, A BUSINESS THRIVES ON CUSTOMER RELATIONS
20:11 - 20:13
AND BACKBREAKING HARD WORK.
20:13 - 20:15
AND THAT'S THE GUY WHO GIVES IT TO YOU.
20:15 - 20:17
HANK IS THE GOLDEN GOOSE.
20:17 - 20:21
AH, MAYBE HANK CAN BE GOOSE AND MONKEY.
20:21 - 20:22
HOLD UP, HANK.
20:23 - 20:24
WHAT DO YOU SAY, OL' TOP?
20:24 - 20:26
YOU READY TO GO BACK TO SELLING PROPANE?
20:26 - 20:30
YES, SIR, I AM. BUT WHAT ABOUT SCRUBBY'S?
20:30 - 20:32
WELL, HELL, I'LL SELL MY SHARE.
20:32 - 20:34
YOU TURNED IT AROUND SO NICE,
20:34 - 20:35
WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BUY IT?
20:35 - 20:36
NOW HOLD ON A SEC.
20:36 - 20:38
I'LL TAKE IT OFF YOUR HANDS.
20:38 - 20:40
I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A TURNKEY OPERATION
20:40 - 20:42
EVER SINCE I SAW AN INFOMERCIAL ON TV.
20:42 - 20:45
DEAL. YOU ARE NOW MAJORITY OWNER.
20:45 - 20:47
LOOKS LIKE YOU WORK FOR ME.
20:48 - 20:52
I ACTUALLY MORE OF AN IDEA MAN.
20:52 - 20:52
MOVE IT!
20:53 - 20:54
( WHIMPERS )
20:55 - 20:57
LISTEN, FIRST THING MONDAY,
20:57 - 20:58
I WANT YOU TO BREAK GROUND
20:58 - 21:01
ON THAT TEST GRILL PATIO OF YOURS.
21:01 - 21:02
YOU EARNED IT.
21:02 - 21:03
WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.
21:03 - 21:05
NO, THANK YOU, OL' TOP.
21:05 - 21:08
ALL THIS CARWASH BUSINESS BROUGHT ME BACK TOGETHER
21:08 - 21:11
( WHISPERS ): WITH BOB CHOATES'S WIFE.
21:53 - 21:56
DALE: KISS HIM. KISS HIM.