S10E06 - Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana
0:41 - 0:42
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, MINH?
0:42 - 0:45
TED WASSANASONG ACTUALLY INVITE US TO HIS HOME.
0:45 - 0:46
WHAT A PLACE.
0:46 - 0:48
I CAN'T TELL IF THAT'S
0:48 - 0:51
A HIGH-DEF TV OR WINDOW OVERLOOKING AFRICAN SAFARI.
0:51 - 0:54
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, EVEN ANOTHER PERSON'S MONEY
0:54 - 0:55
CAN MAKE ME HAPPY.
0:55 - 0:56
OH...
0:56 - 0:57
MINH!
0:57 - 0:59
LOOK AT THAT SWIMMING POOL.
0:59 - 1:01
THE CLASSIC, SIMPLE RECTANGLE.
1:01 - 1:03
THE TILES SO TASTEFULLY FILIGREED.
1:03 - 1:06
THAT IS THE POOL OF A MAN OF SUBSTANCE.
1:06 - 1:08
WELCOME, KAHN AND MINH.
1:08 - 1:09
I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING YOURSELVES.
1:09 - 1:12
YOUR HOME IS BEAUTIFUL, TED.
1:12 - 1:13
THANK YOU.
1:13 - 1:15
AS FELLOW LAOTIANS, I KNEW YOU WOULD APPRECIATE
1:15 - 1:18
THE LOWLAND INFLUENCES ON THE ARCHITECTURE AND DECOR.
1:18 - 1:20
YEAH, SO DID IT COME WITH THAT POOL,
1:20 - 1:22
OR DID YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN?
1:22 - 1:24
MINH, KAHN, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
1:24 - 1:27
MY DEAR FRIEND, NGUC PHONG.
1:27 - 1:28
LEGENDARY LAO GUERRILLA FIGHTER
1:28 - 1:31
WHO LEAD BRAVE ASSAULTS AGAINST COMMUNIST FORCES?
1:31 - 1:33
I AM THAT SAME SOLDIER.
1:33 - 1:34
( LAUGHING )
1:34 - 1:35
HOW ABOUT THAT, MINH?
1:35 - 1:37
THIS GUY SERIOUS BUTT-KICKER.
1:37 - 1:40
ANYWAY, I'M SORRY THEY KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
1:40 - 1:43
YES, THAT WAS UNHAPPY FOR ME.
1:43 - 1:47
BUT EVERY DAY I DEVOTE TO HONORING THEIR MEMORY,
1:47 - 1:50
TO PRESERVING THE CULTURE OF OUR PEOPLE.
1:50 - 1:51
YEAH, WELL, THAT SOUND GOOD.
1:51 - 1:53
NOW ABOUT THE POOL--
1:53 - 1:56
WHAT YOU THINK A SMALLER VERSION OF IT IN MY BACKYARD COST?
1:59 - 2:02
AND REMEMBER, I WANT SAME TILES
2:02 - 2:05
YOU USE WITH TED WASSANASONG'S POOL.
2:05 - 2:07
RIGHT. HERE'S MY ESTIMATE.
2:09 - 2:12
( KAHN SCREAMING )
2:12 - 2:14
YEP.
2:14 - 2:15
YEP.
2:17 - 2:20
MY DREAMS ARE SHATTERED.
2:20 - 2:21
YEP, MINE, TOO.
2:21 - 2:22
HAVE A BEER.
2:22 - 2:24
EVER SINCE I SEE TED'S POOL,
2:24 - 2:27
I CAN THINK OF NOTHING BUT HAVING ONE IN MY OWN BACKYARD.
2:27 - 2:29
BUT IT TOO EXPENSIVE.
2:29 - 2:31
WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.
2:31 - 2:33
A POOL IS BASICALLY A CONCRETE SHELL
2:33 - 2:35
WITH A SUCTION AND RETURN SYSTEM
2:35 - 2:36
AND SOME MOTOR-ASSISTED PLUMBING.
2:37 - 2:38
MM-HMM.
2:38 - 2:40
YEAH. YEAH, YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A FEW GUYS
2:40 - 2:43
WHO ENJOY DOING CONSTRUCTION IN THEIR SPARE TIME,
2:43 - 2:45
AND OFFER THEM RIGHTS TO USE THE POOL.
2:45 - 2:48
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING HERE.
2:48 - 2:50
OH, MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA BUILD A POOL!
2:50 - 2:52
REALLY?
2:52 - 2:54
( ALL CHEER )
2:52 - 2:54
WINGO!
3:02 - 3:04
THIS HARD HAT IS MY ARMOR.
3:04 - 3:06
WHEN YOU'RE WORKING CONSTRUCTION,
3:06 - 3:08
YOUR HEAD IS STILL YOUR MOST VALUABLE TOOL,
3:08 - 3:10
SO YOU'VE GOT TO PROTECT IT...
3:11 - 3:13
HUH?
3:13 - 3:15
A RECTANGULAR POOL.
3:15 - 3:18
IT'LL BE LIKE HAVING A MID-LEVEL MOTEL NEXT DOOR.
3:18 - 3:20
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
3:20 - 3:22
THAT GIANT HOLE FILLED WITH DIRT
3:22 - 3:25
IS THE PLACE I'M GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY CHILDHOOD.
3:25 - 3:27
WELL, BEFORE YOU DO, YOU'RE GONNA TRAIN
3:27 - 3:31
IN SWIMMING, CPR, AND POOL ETIQUETTE.
3:31 - 3:35
HUH. I'M STILL EXCITED.
3:47 - 3:49
IS IT POSSIBLE THAT OUR LIFE
3:49 - 3:51
HAS FINALLY ACHIEVED TOTAL PERFECTION?
3:51 - 3:53
TELL ME, WHAT IS CONNIE'S GRADE-POINT AVERAGE?
3:53 - 3:55
IS IT "A"?
3:55 - 3:56
A-PLUS.
3:56 - 3:58
AND WHAT KIND OF STEAK IS THAT?
3:58 - 3:59
IS IT CHOICE?
3:59 - 4:00
PRIME.
4:00 - 4:03
AND THAT POOL IN MY BACKYARD, IS IT A HALLUCINATION?
4:03 - 4:04
NO, IT'S REAL.
4:04 - 4:08
SO IT IS TRUE, THEN-- OUR LIVES ARE NEARLY PERFECT.
4:08 - 4:10
ONLY MISSING ELEMENT IS MEMBERSHIP
4:10 - 4:11
IN NINE RIVERS COUNTRY CLUB.
4:12 - 4:15
WELL, TED WASSANASONG IS ON MEMBERSHIP COMMITTEE...
4:15 - 4:16
OF COURSE!
4:17 - 4:18
AND HE LIKE US NOW.
4:18 - 4:21
OH, THIS COMING TOGETHER VERY NICELY.
4:34 - 4:35
OH, HELLO, TED.
4:35 - 4:36
WELL, THIS HILARIOUS.
4:36 - 4:39
I JUST COME TO SHOP FOR NEW FIVE-IRON,
4:39 - 4:41
BUT THEN I RUN INTO YOU GUYS.
4:41 - 4:43
OH, KAHN, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
4:43 - 4:44
WE'RE ON OUR WAY
4:44 - 4:45
TO DISTRIBUTE FOOD TO THE POOR.
4:45 - 4:47
IS THAT EUPHEMISM FOR PLAYING ROUND OF GOLF?
4:47 - 4:49
BECAUSE I'M IN.
4:49 - 4:53
KAHN, YOU DO KNOW THAT IT'S MAKHA BOUSA TODAY, DON'T YOU?
4:54 - 4:57
IT IS ONE OF OUR MOST SACRED HOLIDAYS.
4:57 - 4:59
OH, RIGHT. I GUESS IT SLIP MY MIND.
4:59 - 5:01
BUT ONLY MOMENTARILY, BECAUSE TONIGHT
5:02 - 5:06
MINH AND I THROW MAKHA BOUSA CELEBRATION DINNER AT OUR HOUSE.
5:06 - 5:08
I INSIST THAT YOU BOTH JOIN US.
5:08 - 5:10
WELL, THAT WOULD BE SUPER. I ACCEPT.
5:10 - 5:11
REALLY?
5:11 - 5:13
OH, OKAY THEN, I SEE YOU TONIGHT.
5:13 - 5:16
YOU KNOW, IT SO NICE THAT LATELY YOU AND I
5:16 - 5:17
ABLE TO SPEND MORE TIME...
5:17 - 5:20
KAHN, THE POOR.
5:20 - 5:21
OH, YES, THE POOR.
5:21 - 5:25
I, UH... I HOPE THEY GET MORE MONEY SOON.
5:27 - 5:28
GOOD MORNING.
5:28 - 5:31
WE'RE HERE TO SIGN MY SON UP FOR A COURSE IN CPR.
5:31 - 5:32
WE'RE ESSENTIALLY GETTING A POOL.
5:32 - 5:35
WELL, WE HAVE A BASIC, ONE DAY COURSE.
5:35 - 5:36
WE ALSO HAVE A TWO WEEK COURSE
5:36 - 5:39
WHICH INCLUDES ADVANCED EMERGENCY CARE
5:39 - 5:40
FOR INFANTS AND SENIORS.
5:40 - 5:42
HE'LL TAKE THE TWO WEEK COURSE.
5:40 - 5:42
WHAT?!
5:42 - 5:44
YOUR GRANDFATHER MIGHT COME TO VISIT,
5:44 - 5:48
AND I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO SAY WE DID EVERYTHING WE COULD.
5:52 - 5:55
GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.
5:55 - 5:58
TO A MAN WHOSE BACKYARD SOIL WAS OF A CONSISTENCY
5:58 - 6:01
WHICH MADE FOR HASSLE-FREE EXCAVATION,
6:01 - 6:04
AND HAD NO INTERFERING SEWAGE LINES.
6:05 - 6:07
HEY, KAHN,
6:07 - 6:08
DINNER GUESTS ARE HERE.
6:08 - 6:09
ALREADY?
6:10 - 6:11
I WANTED EVERYTHING PERFECT.
6:11 - 6:13
START ASSEMBLING MY POOL FURNITURE.
6:17 - 6:19
GOOD EVENING, KAHN.
6:19 - 6:20
I HOPE...
6:21 - 6:22
...I HOPE IT'S ALL RIGHT
6:22 - 6:24
IF I BROUGHT A FEW OF OUR LAOTIAN FRIENDS.
6:24 - 6:25
CERTAINLY!
6:25 - 6:27
I THINK WE GOT ENOUGH PINA COLADAS.
6:27 - 6:30
MAGHA PUJA JUST STARTING IN BACKYARD.
6:40 - 6:41
AND TA-DA!
6:41 - 6:44
TED, LOOK WHO IS GETTING A SWIMMING POOL!
6:46 - 6:50
YEAH, REDNECK NEIGHBORS BUILD IT FOR ME.
6:50 - 6:51
( LAUGHING )
6:51 - 6:53
MAYBE NEXT I HAVE THEM BUILD ME RAILROAD.
6:53 - 6:55
HOW THAT FOR REVENGE?
6:55 - 6:57
KAHN, THE RAILROADS WERE BUILT BY THE CHINESE,
6:57 - 6:58
NOT LAOTIANS.
6:58 - 6:59
SAME DIFFERENCE.
6:59 - 7:01
( ALL GASPING )
7:01 - 7:03
IT JUST JOKE.
7:05 - 7:06
MAYBE TOO FAR?
7:07 - 7:09
A WORD IF WE MAY.
7:09 - 7:11
NGUC AND I FEEL THAT YOU'VE BECOME
7:11 - 7:13
GRIEVOUSLY DISCONNECTED FROM YOUR HERITAGE.
7:14 - 7:16
IT'S AS THOUGH YOU'VE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN
7:16 - 7:17
THAT YOU'RE LAO.
7:17 - 7:19
WHAT? THAT'S NOT TRUE.
7:19 - 7:20
TAKE A LOOK AROUND, KAHN.
7:22 - 7:25
( POP PLAYS )
7:28 - 7:30
CAN YOU POINT TO ONE LAO ARTIFACT IN YOUR HOME?
7:30 - 7:32
CAN YOU RECALL THE LAST CONVERSATION
7:32 - 7:34
YOU HAD THAT WAS NOT IN ENGLISH?
7:34 - 7:35
IN OUR HOMELAND,
7:35 - 7:39
THE LAO MAN IS OPPRESSED BY HIS GOVERNMENT.
7:40 - 7:41
BUT INSIDE OF YOU,
7:41 - 7:44
THE LAO MAN IS OPPRESSED BY HIMSELF.
7:44 - 7:47
YOU DESTROY YOUR OWN ETHNIC IDENTITY.
7:47 - 7:51
IT IS STERILIZED IN THE CHLORINATED WATERS
7:51 - 7:53
OF YOUR SWIMMING POOL.
7:51 - 7:53
OH.
7:53 - 7:56
YOU'VE BECOME WHAT IS KNOWN AS A "BANANA."
7:56 - 7:57
"BANANA"?
7:57 - 7:59
CONSIDER THE PROPERTIES OF A BANANA, KAHN.
8:00 - 8:03
ITS SKIN IS YELLOW, BUT ITS INSIDES ARE WHITE.
8:03 - 8:04
BUT...
8:06 - 8:08
BUT I'M NOT WHITE.
8:08 - 8:11
MINH: OKAY, EVERYONE! STEAK'S ON!
8:11 - 8:13
WHO NEED KETCHUP?
8:22 - 8:24
THEY CALL ME "BANANA," MINH.
8:24 - 8:25
THAT CRAZY, RIGHT?
8:25 - 8:26
OF COURSE.
8:26 - 8:27
YOU VERY ASIAN.
8:28 - 8:28
VERY LAO.
8:28 - 8:29
BUT TED SAY THERE NO
8:29 - 8:32
VISIBLE EVIDENCE OF MY HERITAGE.
8:36 - 8:37
PEOPLE MAGAZINE.
8:37 - 8:38
DIDN'T WE HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION
8:38 - 8:40
TO XAIGNABOURI MUANG WEEKLY?
8:40 - 8:41
I GUESS IT MUST HAVE RUN OUT.
8:41 - 8:45
THERE NOT ONE STINKING TRACE OF OUR HOMELAND IN THIS PLACE!
8:45 - 8:47
IF STRANGER WALK IN HERE, HE SAYS,
8:47 - 8:50
"AH, THIS MUST BE WHERE JOHNNY SMITH LIVE,
8:50 - 8:53
NOT KAHN SOUF... KAHN STOUFF..."
8:53 - 8:55
OH MY GOD! I CANNOT SAY MY OWN NAME!
8:55 - 8:56
OH, CALM DOWN NOW.
8:56 - 8:58
YOU CAN STILL SAY YOUR OWN NAME.
8:59 - 9:01
YOU JUST FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.
9:01 - 9:04
YOU SPOKE PERFECT LAO TO YOUR OWN MOTHER JUST LAST WEEK.
9:04 - 9:07
SA-BAAI-DEE, LUUK-SAAO TEE NAA-HAK.
9:07 - 9:07
BPEN-JANG CI AI?
9:08 - 9:09
WAIT-- ARE YOU SAYING GOOD NIGHT,
9:09 - 9:11
OR ARE YOU CURSING AT ME?
9:11 - 9:12
( SCREAMS )
9:12 - 9:13
YOU SEE?
9:13 - 9:15
CONNIE CAN'T EVEN SPEAK LAO.
9:15 - 9:16
THAT IS MESSED UP, MINH.
9:16 - 9:18
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
9:18 - 9:22
WE COULD CONNECT A LITTLE MORE TO OUR HERITAGE.
9:22 - 9:24
YES... THAT AN EXCELLENT PLAN.
9:24 - 9:27
CONNIE, YOU REMEMBER THE GONG WE HIT
9:27 - 9:29
DURING AMERICAN IDOL?
9:29 - 9:32
LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S REALLY FOR.
9:37 - 9:40
HMM, THESE WEEDS WEREN'T HERE YESTERDAY.
9:40 - 9:42
HANDS OFF, REDNECK. THAT'S MY CELERY.
9:43 - 9:44
THE LAO PEOPLE ARE SELF-SUFFICIENT.
9:44 - 9:46
WE GROW OUR OWN FOOD.
9:46 - 9:48
WE NOT RELY ON BIG SUPERMARKET
9:48 - 9:52
TO NURSE US LIKE HELPLESS CALF AT MOTHER'S TEAT.
9:53 - 9:55
WELL... OKAY THEN.
9:55 - 9:58
WE'RE GOING TO SWIM NOW.
9:58 - 10:01
HAVE FUN, HOPELESS AMERICANS.
10:01 - 10:05
ENJOY SPLASHING AROUND IN YOUR RIVER THAT LEADS TO NOWHERE.
10:09 - 10:11
YEAH, IT GREAT TO BE BACK IN TOUCH WITH MY ROOTS.
10:12 - 10:14
MINH BUY BEAUTIFUL PIECE BY LAO ARTIST.
10:14 - 10:16
PAINTING OF PEOPLE TOILING IN RICE PADDIES.
10:16 - 10:17
( GRUNTS SOFTLY )
10:18 - 10:20
IT'S GREAT TO SUPPORT LAO CULTURE, KAHN,
10:20 - 10:23
BUT YOUR HOME IS STILL A SHRINE TO AMERICAN MATERIAL LUXURY.
10:23 - 10:26
I GUESS I LITTLE CONFUSED.
10:26 - 10:27
I CANNOT HELP BUT NOTICE
10:27 - 10:29
YOUR STATE-OF-THE-ART HOME THEATER SYSTEM,
10:29 - 10:31
AND YOUR FOUR-CAR GARAGE.
10:31 - 10:34
SURE, I OWN ALL OF THESE "THINGS,"
10:34 - 10:36
BUT THEY DON'T OWN ME.
10:37 - 10:39
I'LL TRY TO EXPLAIN.
10:39 - 10:41
THIS IS MAN OF LOUANG NAMTHA,
10:41 - 10:44
CARVED BY A NATIVE HIGHLANDER MORE THAN 300 YEARS AGO.
10:45 - 10:47
IT'S THE EMBODIMENT OF THE LAO SPIRIT.
10:47 - 10:50
THIS IS MY LINK.
10:50 - 10:52
AS LONG AS I CARRY THIS,
10:52 - 10:54
EVERYTHING ELSE IS MEANINGLESS.
10:54 - 10:56
SO I JUST KEEP ONE OF THOSE IN MY POCKET
10:56 - 10:58
AND I CAN HAVE BIG SCREEN TV?
10:58 - 11:00
YOU GOT AN EXTRA ONE OF THOSE GUYS LYING AROUND?
11:01 - 11:03
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU'RE NOT READY YET.
11:03 - 11:06
IT WOULDN'T MEAN TO YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO ME.
11:11 - 11:12
SO, WHAT FOR DINNER?
11:12 - 11:14
IS THAT A JOKE?
11:14 - 11:16
YOU KNOW DAMN WELL IT'S RICE AND MEAT.
11:16 - 11:17
OH, OF COURSE.
11:17 - 11:21
I GET SO USED TO AMERICAN DIET OF EXTREME VARIETY.
11:21 - 11:24
YEAH. THIS BETTER.
11:24 - 11:26
( WATER SPLASHING )
11:26 - 11:28
( GUYS LAUGHING, CHATTERING )
11:28 - 11:29
BILL: YAY! I WON!
11:29 - 11:31
CAN YOU THROW IT... THROW IT HERE.
11:31 - 11:32
( TAPPING )
11:32 - 11:36
I WILL NOW TELL STORIES OF MY CHILDHOOD IN LAOS.
11:36 - 11:39
GROWING UP IN THE VILLAGE, I HAD TWO CHICKENS.
11:39 - 11:41
ONE OF THEM WAS NAMED PHOUMA.
11:41 - 11:42
DALE: MARCO!
11:42 - 11:43
BILL: POLO!
11:43 - 11:45
( LAUGHTER )
11:46 - 11:48
I DON'T RECALL THE NAME OF THE OTHER CHICKEN,
11:48 - 11:50
BUT, SOMETIMES, I WOULD PUT BOTH OF THE CHICKENS
11:50 - 11:52
IN THE WHEELBARROW.
11:52 - 11:53
THIS WAS VERY FUNNY.
11:54 - 11:56
DALE: I'M A SUBMARINE!
11:56 - 11:58
BILL: DON'T SPLASH ME!
12:01 - 12:03
MM-HMM.
12:03 - 12:08
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK I'D LIKE TO VISIT INDIANA.
12:08 - 12:09
IS THAT WEIRD?
12:09 - 12:10
HEY, MAN, YOU KNOW,
12:10 - 12:12
DANG OL' GO WITH THAT FEELING, MAN.
12:12 - 12:14
I THINK THAT'S A GREAT DREAM, HANK.
12:14 - 12:15
THANK YOU.
12:15 - 12:18
BOY, KAHN'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW,
12:18 - 12:21
BEATING HIMSELF UP FOR GOD KNOWS WHY,
12:21 - 12:24
WHEN HE COULD BE OUT HERE FLOATING UNDER THE STARS.
12:24 - 12:25
IT'S WILD.
12:25 - 12:26
TEN YARDS AWAY, A MAN SUFFERS,
12:26 - 12:31
BUT I'M STILL COMPLETELY ABLE TO ENJOY HIS POOL.
12:31 - 12:34
I GUESS I'M JUST GROWING UP.
12:34 - 12:39
( SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE )
12:39 - 12:42
WOULD IT SHAME OUR ENTIRE PEOPLE IF I SIT ON CHAIR?
12:42 - 12:44
THIS NOT ABOUT COMFORT.
12:44 - 12:46
THIS IS ABOUT BEING TRUE TO WHO WE ARE.
12:46 - 12:49
IT ABOUT NEVER BEING CALLED "BANANA" AGAIN.
12:50 - 12:53
WHAT WE NEED IS TO FOCUS HARDER.
12:54 - 12:57
( PROGRAM CONTINUES IN NATIVE LANGUAGE )
12:58 - 12:59
( POP PLAYS )
13:00 - 13:01
♪I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU... ♪
13:01 - 13:04
LOOK WHO PASSED!
13:04 - 13:05
HANK: WAY TO GO, BOBBY.
13:05 - 13:07
YAY!
13:05 - 13:07
CONGRATULATIONS, MAN.
13:07 - 13:09
LET'S HIT THE POOL!
13:12 - 13:13
OH, GOD!
13:17 - 13:18
KAHN, WHAT THE HELL
13:19 - 13:20
DID YOU DO TO OUR SWIMMING POOL?
13:20 - 13:22
IT NOW REFLECTING POOL.
13:22 - 13:26
WE NEED PEACEFUL SPACE IN WHICH WE CAN MEDITATE.
13:26 - 13:27
WE HAD A DEAL.
13:28 - 13:29
OH, YOU HAD DEAL WITH OLD KAHN.
13:29 - 13:32
THE HOMOGENIZED, AMERICANIZED KAHN.
13:32 - 13:34
THAT KAHN NO LONGER EXIST.
13:34 - 13:36
AND NEITHER DOES POOL.
13:36 - 13:38
I LEARNED CPR FOR NOTHING?!
13:38 - 13:41
I WENT TO SCHOOL ON A SATURDAY!
13:41 - 13:43
SO HELP ME,
13:43 - 13:44
THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME
13:45 - 13:46
FROM WISHING A POX ON YOUR HOUSE
13:46 - 13:48
IS THAT YOUR HOUSE IS NEXT TO MY HOUSE,
13:48 - 13:50
AND THE POX COULD SPREAD.
13:50 - 13:53
( CHIMES DINGING )
13:53 - 13:56
AND CONNIE FINALLY GETTING USED TO EATING
13:56 - 13:58
FERMENTED FISH CHUNKS AND RICE HUSKS.
13:58 - 14:01
SO HOW DOES IT FEEL, KAHN, TO REDISCOVER YOUR ROOTS?
14:01 - 14:04
UH, WELL... IT NOT ALWAYS FUN.
14:04 - 14:08
BUT AS I RECALL, LIFE IN LAOS NOT ALWAYS SO FUN.
14:08 - 14:10
SO I GUESS I'M ON RIGHT TRACK, RIGHT?
14:10 - 14:11
WRONG.
14:11 - 14:12
OH, DEAR.
14:12 - 14:14
KAHN, RIGHT NOW THE LAO COMMUNITY
14:14 - 14:15
IS NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY.
14:15 - 14:17
THE CUBAN EXILE COMMUNITY IN FLORIDA
14:18 - 14:19
IS TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY.
14:19 - 14:20
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
14:20 - 14:23
UH... GLORIA ESTEFAN?
14:23 - 14:25
NO.
14:25 - 14:26
THEY WIELD POLITICAL INFLUENCE IN THIS COUNTRY
14:26 - 14:29
WHILE MAINTAINING TIES TO REBEL GROUPS IN THEIR MOTHER COUNTRY.
14:29 - 14:31
IN THE MOUNTAINS OF OUR HOMELAND,
14:31 - 14:35
THERE IS STILL A SMALL BUT DETERMINED MOVEMENT,
14:35 - 14:37
A RESISTANCE TO THE COMMUNIST REGIME.
14:37 - 14:40
IMAGINE IT, KAHN-- A FREE
14:40 - 14:41
AND INDEPENDENT LAOS.
14:41 - 14:43
YEAH, THAT SOUND GREAT.
14:43 - 14:45
WITH MEN LIKE TED WASSANASONG
14:46 - 14:49
LEADING THE WAY, THE DREAM CAN BECOME REAL.
14:49 - 14:51
YES, BUT AN UNDERTAKING LIKE THIS
14:51 - 14:53
CAN ONLY WORK WITH TOTAL COMMITMENT.
14:53 - 14:54
OH, I BE HAPPY TO WRITE A CHECK.
14:54 - 14:57
NO, KAHN, WE WANT YOU TO JOIN THE ARMED RESISTANCE
14:57 - 14:59
AND FIGHT FOR US ON THE FRONT LINES.
15:00 - 15:01
FRONT LINES?
15:01 - 15:03
OH, YES, KAHN, THERE MAY BE RISKS, BUT I WONDER--
15:03 - 15:08
IS LIFE AS A BANANA BETTER THAN DEATH, OR IS IT WORSE?
15:09 - 15:10
WILL YOU JOIN US, KAHN?
15:10 - 15:13
OF COURSE HE WILL JOIN US.
15:13 - 15:16
HE IS A PROUD LAO MAN, WILLING TO SHED HIS BLOOD
15:16 - 15:18
FOR OUR MOTHER COUNTRY.
15:23 - 15:25
UH...
15:33 - 15:34
THIS CRAZY!
15:34 - 15:36
FOR FIRST TIME I FEEL PRIDE,
15:36 - 15:38
I FEEL LIKE TRUE LAOTIAN.
15:38 - 15:39
AND YOU SAY IT CRAZY.
15:39 - 15:41
I'M SAYING THAT, IN MATTER OF DAYS,
15:41 - 15:44
YOU CHUCK ALL THE FURNITURE AND PICK UP MACHINE GUN.
15:44 - 15:46
MAYBE IT TIME TO TAKE STOCK.
15:46 - 15:48
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK
15:48 - 15:50
YOU STARTING TO SOUND A LOT LIKE...
15:53 - 15:54
A BANANA!
15:54 - 15:55
KAHN,
15:55 - 15:57
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
15:57 - 15:58
NO TIME TO ARGUE.
15:58 - 16:00
I HAVE TRAINING, THEN I SUPPOSED TO BUILD
16:00 - 16:02
SANDBAG FORTRESS AROUND TED'S HOUSE.
16:02 - 16:04
CONNIE!
16:04 - 16:06
YOU CAN STOP HULLING RICE.
16:06 - 16:08
WE'RE GOING TO WHATTABURGER.
16:20 - 16:21
MAN: NICE SHOT, TOM.
16:21 - 16:23
TOM: YOU'RE UP.
16:26 - 16:28
SA-DANG AA-WUT!
16:30 - 16:31
NGUC!
16:31 - 16:33
YOU ARE A DISGRACE!
16:33 - 16:36
YOU WON'T SURVIVE FIVE MINUTES IN COMBAT!
16:36 - 16:39
ESPECIALLY YOU.
16:40 - 16:41
I CAN'T HAVE THIS.
16:42 - 16:43
I TALKED COUNCILMEN EBBERD
16:43 - 16:46
INTO MAKING THE FIRST TUESDAY IN MAY "LAO FREEDOM DAY."
16:46 - 16:49
WE ARE PARADING FROM THE NAIL SALON TO THE BOBA TEA SHOP,
16:49 - 16:52
AND WE ARE GOING TO LOOK SMART DOING IT!
16:52 - 16:54
SA-MAWNG MUENG NGO GWAA LING.
16:54 - 16:57
MUENG SI PAE NYANG YOI-YAP NAI SA-NAAM-HOP!
16:57 - 17:00
BAK-BPUEK, MUENG BAV-MEE PA-NYOTE!
17:00 - 17:03
SA-MAWNG MUENG NGO GWAA LING.
17:05 - 17:06
YEP.
17:06 - 17:08
YEP.
17:08 - 17:09
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE, KAHN?
17:09 - 17:13
FINALLY STEAL A POOL FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO FIGHT?
17:13 - 17:15
NO. IT TRAINING ACCIDENT.
17:15 - 17:17
I TAKE BUTT OF RIFLE TO THE FACE.
17:17 - 17:19
HA! WHAT POETIC JUSTICE.
17:19 - 17:24
YOU STEAL A POOL AND THEN THE BUTT OF A RIFLE...
17:24 - 17:28
STEALS THE... HEALTH OF YOUR FACE.
17:28 - 17:29
HEY, YOU TREAT ME WITH RESPECT!
17:29 - 17:33
I HAPPEN TO BE COLONEL IN TED WASSANASONG'S ARMY.
17:33 - 17:36
UH, YEAH, I STILL DON'T REALLY GET WHAT THAT IS.
17:36 - 17:38
I JUST WANT THE GOT-DANGED POOL BACK.
17:38 - 17:39
SO CLEAN IT UP,
17:39 - 17:42
AND THEN YOU CAN SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
17:42 - 17:44
RUNNING AROUND LIKE A JACKASS WITH TED WASSANASONG.
17:44 - 17:46
RUN AROUND LIKE JACKASS?
17:46 - 17:47
HA! SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW.
17:47 - 17:49
AT ANY MOMENT, TED COULD CALL ME,
17:49 - 17:51
SAY CODE WORD "SIDDHARTHA",
17:51 - 17:53
AND THEN IT NOT JUST RUNNING AROUND
17:53 - 17:55
LIKE JACKASS ANYMORE, BUDDY-BOY.
17:55 - 17:56
UH-HUH.
17:56 - 17:58
AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN TED SAYS "SIDDHARTHA"?
17:58 - 18:00
WELL, WE GET ON CARGO PLANE AND FLY TO LAOS.
18:00 - 18:03
IF WE ARE NOT BLOWN APART BY ANTI-AIRCRAFT FIRE,
18:03 - 18:05
WE PARACHUTE INTO MOUNTAINS.
18:05 - 18:09
IF WE NOT SHOT ON WAY DOWN, OR DIE ON IMPACT,
18:09 - 18:11
WE MARCH INTO CAPITAL.
18:11 - 18:15
AND THEN... WELL...
18:15 - 18:17
WE PROBABLY ALL BE SHOT OR RUN OVER WITH TANK.
18:17 - 18:20
SOME OF US MAY GET TAKEN PRISONER.
18:20 - 18:22
AND THEN MOST LIKELY THEY TORTURE US
18:22 - 18:25
OR REEDUCATE US, AND THEN...
18:25 - 18:27
PUT US IN THEIR ARMY.
18:27 - 18:30
HUH.
18:33 - 18:34
ANYONE ELSE NOTICE
18:34 - 18:37
HE CUTS A PRETTY NICE FIGURE IN UNIFORM?
18:37 - 18:40
( CLASSICAL )
18:43 - 18:46
( NATIVE )
18:46 - 18:47
ANNOUNCER: WHEN ELLEN RETURNS,
18:47 - 18:50
SHE'S MAKING FAJITAS WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!
18:50 - 18:52
DON'T START, KAHN. I'M NOT TURNING IT OFF.
18:52 - 18:54
WHO WERE HER GUESTS?
18:54 - 18:56
NICK LACHEY AND JESSICA SIMPSON.
18:56 - 18:57
WHAT WERE THEY PLUGGING?
18:57 - 18:58
FITNESS TAPE.
18:59 - 19:03
WHEN I WAS A BANANA, I WOULD HAVE EATEN THAT UP WITH A SPOON.
19:03 - 19:06
YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF THAT WORD.
19:06 - 19:08
YOU AND ME BOTH.
19:08 - 19:09
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE--
19:09 - 19:11
BEING SENT ON SUICIDE MISSION IN LAOS
19:11 - 19:13
OR HAVING TED WASSANASONG TELL ME,
19:13 - 19:16
"I'M SORRY, KAHN, BUT YOUR SALUTE IS NOT CRISP ENOUGH."
19:16 - 19:21
WHY YOU LET TED WASSANASONG TELL YOU WHAT TO DO,
19:21 - 19:23
WHAT TO LIKE, WHAT TO THINK?
19:23 - 19:26
ISN'T THAT WHY WE FLED THE COMMUNISTS IN LAOS?
19:26 - 19:29
AND THE HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION IN ORANGE COUNTY?
19:29 - 19:30
WELL, YEAH, BUT...
19:30 - 19:33
KAHN, DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR BEAUTIFUL STRAINS
19:33 - 19:35
OF BRAHMS COME OFF CONNIE'S VIOLIN?
19:35 - 19:38
TO EAT YOURSELF SILLY ON BABY BACK RIBS
19:38 - 19:41
AND THEN FALL BACKWARDS IN YOUR SPARKLING SWIMMING POOL
19:41 - 19:44
LIKE THOSE ICED TEA ADS YOU LOVE SO MUCH?
19:51 - 19:52
( DOORBELL CHIMES )
19:53 - 19:55
HEY, TED.
19:55 - 19:57
I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME REMEMBER
19:57 - 19:59
WHO I AM AND WHERE I COME FROM,
19:59 - 20:01
BUT I WON'T BE NEEDING THESE ANYMORE.
20:01 - 20:02
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
20:02 - 20:05
HOW DO YOU PLAN TO PARADE WITHOUT YOUR UNIFORM?
20:05 - 20:08
OH, MY PARADING DAYS ARE DONE.
20:10 - 20:11
IT'S LIKE THIS--
20:11 - 20:14
IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO PLAY A ROUND OF GOLF, GIVE ME CALL.
20:14 - 20:16
IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THE WAY
20:16 - 20:19
THEY CHOOSE TO LIVE, CALL SOMEONE ELSE.
20:21 - 20:22
DOMINGA!
20:27 - 20:30
( DISCO PLAYS )
20:34 - 20:35
( YELPS )
20:36 - 20:37
( BOTH LAUGHING )
20:38 - 20:40
THIS IS GOOD LIVING, EH?
20:40 - 20:43
YOU KNOW, SOMEDAY, MAYBE I BUY YOU OUT,
20:43 - 20:45
BULLDOZE YOUR HOME,
20:45 - 20:48
AND EXTEND POOL TO OLYMPIC SIZE.
20:48 - 20:50
WELL, THAT'S A DREAM, I GUESS.
20:50 - 20:51
YEAH...
20:51 - 20:54
BUT THIS IS REAL.
20:55 - 20:57
( YAPPING )
20:57 - 21:00
( GULPING )
21:00 - 21:01
( HACKING )
21:01 - 21:01
BOBBY!
21:01 - 21:03
NOT AGAIN.
21:03 - 21:05
MR. DAUTERIVE, CAN'T YOU JUST CHEW?
21:06 - 21:08
( GRUNTING )
21:10 - 21:12
THANK YOU, BOBBY.
21:12 - 21:16
♪NOW WE'RE SHARING THE SAME DREAM ♪
21:16 - 21:20
♪AND OUR HEARTS THEY BEAT AS ONE ♪
21:55 - 21:58
KAHN: IT JUST JOKE. MAYBE TOO FAR?