Propaniac

S09E14 - Bobby on Track

  • 0:33 - 0:36

    OKAY, DOOLEY, LET'S HEAR ABOUT YOUR SCIENCE PROJECT.

  • 0:36 - 0:40

    MY POTATO GREW EYES.

  • 0:40 - 0:44

    I HOPE SHE LIKES... "THE ROCKS OF RAINEY STREET."

  • 0:44 - 0:45

    IT'S ALL I COULD COME UP WITH

  • 0:45 - 0:46

    ON THE WAY TO THE BUS. ( DOOR OPENS )

  • 0:46 - 0:48

    PRINCIPAL MOSS: SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

  • 0:48 - 0:49

    JUST WANTED TO REMIND EVERYONE

  • 0:49 - 0:51

    TO SIGN UP FOR THE "FUN RUN" ON SATURDAY.

  • 0:51 - 0:54

    HAVE A GOOD TIME AND RAISE MONEY TO BUY THE SCHOOL

  • 0:54 - 0:56

    SOMETHIN' NICE OR ESSENTIAL.

  • 0:56 - 0:59

    I USUALLY TRY NOT TO MOTIVATE KIDS THIS WAY,

  • 0:59 - 1:01

    BUT IF ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOIN' SOMETHING,

  • 1:01 - 1:02

    SHOULDN'T YOU BE DOIN' IT, TOO?

  • 1:09 - 1:10

    NANCY INVITED US

  • 1:10 - 1:12

    TO A PROGRESSIVE DINNER THIS SATURDAY.

  • 1:12 - 1:14

    YOU KNOW, WHERE YOU EAT A DIFFERENT COURSE

  • 1:14 - 1:15

    AT EACH PERSON'S HOUSE?

  • 1:15 - 1:17

    WELL, THAT SOUNDS POINTLESS.

  • 1:17 - 1:22

    EXACTLY. SO I SUGGESTED A PROGRESSIVE BREAKFAST!

  • 1:22 - 1:25

    THIS SATURDAY, IT'LL BE JUICE AT THE GRIBBLES',

  • 1:25 - 1:28

    EGGS AT THE SOUPHANOUSINPHONES', AND THEN BACK HERE FOR TOAST.

  • 1:28 - 1:30

    UH, WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER

  • 1:31 - 1:33

    JUST TO EAT IT ALL TOGETHER SOMEPLACE?

  • 1:33 - 1:35

    WE EAT BREAKFAST LIKE THAT EVERY DAY, HANK,

  • 1:36 - 1:37

    AND FRANKLY, IT'S GETTING OLD.

  • 1:37 - 1:38

    SORRY, MOM.

  • 1:39 - 1:40

    I CAN'T MAKE IT SATURDAY.

  • 1:40 - 1:41

    I'M RUNNING A 5K.

  • 1:41 - 1:42

    YOU'RE WHAT?

  • 1:43 - 1:47

    WAIT, IS "RUNNING A 5K" SOME KIND OF RAP THING?

  • 1:47 - 1:48

    NO, DAD.

  • 1:49 - 1:51

    IT'S A BUNCH OF KIDS RUNNING TO RAISE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOL.

  • 1:51 - 1:52

    WELL, THAT'S GREAT!

  • 1:52 - 1:54

    WHEN YOU CROSS THAT FINISH LINE,

  • 1:54 - 1:56

    I'LL BE RIGHT THERE WITH THE VIDEO CAMERA.

  • 1:56 - 1:59

    EVEN THOUGH IT BRINGS OUT CERTAIN INSTINCTS IN YOU.

  • 1:59 - 2:01

    OH... NOW YOU'RE BOTH GOING?

  • 2:01 - 2:03

    FINE. I WILL HOST THE BREAKFAST BY MYSELF--

  • 2:03 - 2:08

    A BREAKFAST THAT, APPARENTLY, WILL NOT BE VIDEOTAPED.

  • 2:08 - 2:09

    IT'S OFFICIAL.

  • 2:09 - 2:12

    I NEED TO START WEARING SUSPENDERS.

  • 2:14 - 2:17

    MR. BOOMHAUER, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPONSOR ME

  • 2:17 - 2:18

    IN THE FUN RUN?

  • 2:18 - 2:21

    YOU WOULD BE SENDING A POSITIVE MESSAGE

  • 2:21 - 2:22

    TO THE GENERATION OF TODAY.

  • 2:22 - 2:28

    UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU WANT US TO START DOING DRUGS.

  • 2:28 - 2:29

    GOT-DANG, MAN. BETWEEN OL' GETTIN'

  • 2:29 - 2:32

    THEM DANG OL' GIRL SCOUT COOKIES, AND THE BAND CANDY,

  • 2:32 - 2:33

    DON'T, NEVER GONNA STOP, MAN.

  • 2:33 - 2:35

    THANK YOU, MR. BOOMHAUER.

  • 2:35 - 2:37

    ARE YOU INTERESTED, MR. DAUTERIVE?

  • 2:37 - 2:39

    INTERESTED IN WHAT, BOBBY?

  • 2:39 - 2:40

    THE STUFF I JUST SAID.

  • 2:40 - 2:42

    TELL IT TO ME AGAIN.

  • 2:42 - 2:43

    I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO ME.

  • 2:43 - 2:44

    HANK: BILL!

  • 2:45 - 2:47

    THREE DOLLARS PER.

  • 2:48 - 2:51

    SORRY, I'M SPONSORING JOSEPH.

  • 2:51 - 2:52

    HE'S NOT RUNNING.

  • 2:52 - 2:54

    JUST THE SAME.

  • 2:55 - 2:57

    ( ALL CHATTERING )

  • 2:59 - 3:01

    CHECK OUT THIS GOODIE BAG!

  • 3:01 - 3:03

    SPORT GUM, SQUISHY BALL,

  • 3:04 - 3:05

    BANANA-NUT PROTEIN BAR...

  • 3:05 - 3:06

    ( GASPS )

  • 3:06 - 3:08

    A WHATTABURGER HEAD BAND!

  • 3:08 - 3:10

    WELL, THE REAL "GOODIE"

  • 3:10 - 3:13

    IS THAT YOU RAISED $121 FOR YOUR SCHOOL, BOBBY.

  • 3:13 - 3:15

    YOU EVEN GOT JOE JACK TO PLEDGE

  • 3:15 - 3:17

    AND HE DOESN'T EVEN PAY HIS ALIMONY.

  • 3:17 - 3:19

    OFFICIAL: LET'S HAVE ALL THE KIDS

  • 3:19 - 3:20

    AT THE FUN RUN STARTING LINE!

  • 3:20 - 3:22

    BETTER LINE UP NOW, SON.

  • 3:22 - 3:25

    I'LL WAIT FOR YOU AT THE FINISH LINE.

  • 3:25 - 3:27

    OFFICIAL: KIDS ON YOUR MARK...

  • 3:27 - 3:29

    GET SET... GO!

  • 3:29 - 3:32

    ( PARENTS CHEERING )

  • 3:41 - 3:44

    ( PANTING )

  • 3:45 - 3:48

    ( PARENTS CHEERING )

  • 3:55 - 3:57

    HEY, HANK.

  • 3:57 - 3:59

    YOU BELIEVE THE THINGS I DO FOR THIS SCHOOL?

  • 3:59 - 4:00

    ( CELL PHONE RINGING )

  • 4:00 - 4:01

    HANK HILL.

  • 4:01 - 4:02

    BOBBY: HI, DAD.

  • 4:02 - 4:03

    CAN YOU PICK ME UP?

  • 4:03 - 4:04

    I'M AT THE MOCHA BEAN.

  • 4:04 - 4:05

    THE MOCHA BEAN?

  • 4:05 - 4:08

    RIGHT BY THE STARTING LINE?

  • 4:08 - 4:09

    SO YOU JUST QUIT.

  • 4:09 - 4:12

    YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT ONE K?

  • 4:12 - 4:14

    IT'S A "FUN RUN," DAD.

  • 4:14 - 4:17

    I RAN UNTIL IT STOPPED BEING FUN.

  • 4:17 - 4:18

    HAPPENED QUICK.

  • 4:18 - 4:20

    WHAT ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SPONSORED YOU?

  • 4:20 - 4:23

    OKAY, HOW'S THIS-- WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT SOME VIDEO

  • 4:23 - 4:25

    OF ME RUNNING ACROSS THE FINISH LINE?

  • 4:25 - 4:27

    I'LL JUST PUT MY FACE OVER MY LATTE

  • 4:28 - 4:29

    SO I'LL WORK UP A SWEAT.

  • 4:29 - 4:30

    ( SIGHS )

  • 4:30 - 4:33

    WHAT HAS THE MTV DONE TO YOU, SON?

  • 4:35 - 4:38

    WOW, THERE SURE WAS A LOT OF TOAST LEFT OVER.

  • 4:38 - 4:40

    THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DECIDE

  • 4:40 - 4:42

    TO STUFF THEMSELVES ON JUICE.

  • 4:43 - 4:45

    HANK: BOBBY,

  • 4:45 - 4:46

    THIS IS A PEDOMETER.

  • 4:46 - 4:48

    IT MEASURES HOW FAR YOU WALK.

  • 4:48 - 4:49

    BY THE END OF TODAY,

  • 4:50 - 4:51

    I WANT FIVE KILOMETERS ON THERE...

  • 4:51 - 4:53

    THAT'S 3.1 MILES.

  • 4:54 - 4:57

    YOU KNOW WHAT I'D REALLY LOVE TO DO?

  • 4:57 - 4:59

    LEARN HOW TO FIX A CAR.

  • 4:59 - 5:00

    GET MOVING.

  • 5:09 - 5:10

    ( SIGHS )

  • 5:15 - 5:16

    FEELING IT IN YOUR CALVES NOW?

  • 5:17 - 5:18

    THAT'S TEN ISOTONIC MASSAGING PLATES

  • 5:18 - 5:20

    WORKING AT 3,000 PULSES A MINUTE.

  • 5:20 - 5:23

    YEAH...

  • 5:23 - 5:25

    HANK: YOU WERE GONE ALL AFTERNOON

  • 5:25 - 5:27

    AND YOU ONLY WALKED A HALF A MILE?

  • 5:27 - 5:31

    MAYBE WHEN IT GETS TO 100 MILES, IT FLIPS OVER.

  • 5:31 - 5:32

    GET IN THE TRUCK.

  • 5:36 - 5:38

    ONLY TWO AND A HALF MILES TO GO!

  • 5:38 - 5:39

    UGH...

  • 5:40 - 5:41

    I'M CHAFING!

  • 5:47 - 5:49

    GREAT EFFORT, RUNNER!

  • 5:49 - 5:51

    SORRY, COACH, I'LL GET HIM OUT OF YOUR WAY.

  • 5:51 - 5:53

    MY SON'S A FEW HUNDRED YARDS

  • 5:53 - 5:55

    INTO BEING TAUGHT AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

  • 5:55 - 5:56

    WE'LL FINISH UP AT THE RESERVOIR.

  • 5:58 - 6:01

    COACH: I LIKE THE WAY YOU WERE GUTTING IT OUT OUT THERE.

  • 6:01 - 6:03

    THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF GUY I WANT ON MY TEAM.

  • 6:03 - 6:04

    HOW'D YOU LIKE TO JOIN TRACK?

  • 6:04 - 6:06

    ON THE TEAM?

  • 6:06 - 6:09

    UH, COACH, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'RE SEEING HIM.

  • 6:09 - 6:10

    YOU MIGHT BE GETTING THE WRONG IDEA.

  • 6:10 - 6:13

    YEAH, I HURT MY KNEE PUTTING MY SNEAKERS ON.

  • 6:15 - 6:17

    AS LONG AS YOU LISTEN AND ARE WILLING TO BE TAUGHT,

  • 6:17 - 6:18

    YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN MY SYSTEM.

  • 6:19 - 6:20

    YOU HEAR THAT, BOBBY?

  • 6:20 - 6:22

    YOU'RE GONNA BE PART OF A SYSTEM!

  • 6:24 - 6:26

    LOOK AT THOSE GUYS.

  • 6:26 - 6:30

    THEY'RE GONNA EXPECT ME TO RUN AND COMPETE AND FINISH!

  • 6:30 - 6:32

    I'M JUST GONNA BRING THE WHOLE TEAM DOWN!

  • 6:32 - 6:35

    BOBBY, THE THING ABOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL ATHLETES IS

  • 6:35 - 6:36

    THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU WIN.

  • 6:36 - 6:38

    THEY ONLY CARE THAT YOU TRIED.

  • 6:38 - 6:40

    ( SIGHS )

  • 6:43 - 6:44

    I'M GONNA TRY.

  • 6:47 - 6:51

    HEY, BOOBY HILL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

  • 6:51 - 6:53

    THE LUNCH ROOM'S THAT WAY!

  • 6:53 - 6:54

    GOOD ONE.

  • 6:55 - 6:56

    HEH-HEH...

  • 6:56 - 6:59

    WELL... IT LOOKS LIKE I'M YOUR NEW TEAMMATE.

  • 6:59 - 7:00

    WHAT? HUH?

  • 7:00 - 7:03

    IF YOU MESS UP, WE'LL MESS YOU UP.

  • 7:03 - 7:05

    TRACK SPIKES ARE SHARP...

  • 7:05 - 7:08

    AND WE'RE NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM.

  • 7:08 - 7:10

    ( ALL LAUGHING )

  • 7:15 - 7:18

    I KNOW HOW YOU CAN GET KICKED OFF THE TEAM.

  • 7:18 - 7:20

    TAKE A JAVELIN AND THROW IT INTO THE CROWD!

  • 7:22 - 7:24

    I MEAN, IT WOULD DO SOMETHING.

  • 7:24 - 7:27

    ( SIGHS ) I BETTER GET DOWN THERE.

  • 7:27 - 7:29

    THERE ARE TEN HURDLES IN THE RACE,

  • 7:29 - 7:30

    BUT THE HIGHEST ONE

  • 7:30 - 7:32

    IS RIGHT HERE.

  • 7:32 - 7:34

    REMEMBER THAT.

  • 7:34 - 7:35

    HEY, HILL, GRAB THAT SHOT PUT!

  • 7:35 - 7:37

    LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

  • 7:38 - 7:40

    ( GRUNTING )

  • 7:44 - 7:45

    ( LAUGHING )

  • 7:45 - 7:46

    ( MUTTERS )

  • 7:47 - 7:49

    YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO CUT ME?

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    HILL, TRACK IS LIKE A PICTURE PUZZLE.

  • 7:51 - 7:54

    SOMETIMES THE WEIRD-LOOKING PIECE IS THE ONE YOU NEED.

  • 7:55 - 7:58

    YEP. BOBBY'S GONNA BE WEARING SWEATPANTS

  • 7:58 - 8:00

    FOR THE RIGHT REASON.

  • 8:00 - 8:02

    STILL, I MUST SAY,

  • 8:02 - 8:05

    TRACK AND FIELD DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE A FULL SPORT.

  • 8:05 - 8:08

    IT'S MORE LIKE LEFTOVER SCRAPS FROM OTHER SPORTS.

  • 8:08 - 8:12

    HEY, BOBBY, HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY OF PRACTICE?

  • 8:12 - 8:15

    I'M REALLY TIRED, AND I THINK ALL THE GUYS HATE ME.

  • 8:15 - 8:18

    THEY'RE JUST GIVING YOU THE BUSINESS, BOBBY.

  • 8:18 - 8:20

    IN FOOTBALL, WE USED TO MAKE THE NEW KIDS

  • 8:20 - 8:21

    BREATHE THROUGH BILL'S SOCK.

  • 8:21 - 8:22

    I WAS HAPPY TO CONTRIBUTE.

  • 8:22 - 8:24

    AND, OH, YEAH,

  • 8:24 - 8:27

    BOOMHAUER USED TO DO THIS HILARIOUS BIT

  • 8:27 - 8:30

    WHERE HE TOLD ME MY MOTHER DIED.

  • 8:30 - 8:31

    ( LAUGHING )

  • 8:31 - 8:34

    TOOK THE STING OUT OF IT WHEN SHE ACTUALLY DID.

  • 8:35 - 8:37

    SO THE GUYS DON'T REALLY HATE ME?

  • 8:37 - 8:39

    THAT'S RIGHT. JUST HANG IN THERE,

  • 8:39 - 8:41

    KEEP LISTENING TO YOUR COACH, AND DO YOUR BEST.

  • 8:41 - 8:43

    YOU'LL SEE. IT'LL PAY OFF.

  • 8:43 - 8:44

    OKAY.

  • 8:46 - 8:49

    IS THERE ANY LESSON SPORTS CAN'T TEACH?

  • 8:53 - 8:56

    IF YOU WANT, I'LL THINK OF YOU WHEN I'M THROWING.

  • 8:56 - 8:59

    WASSANASONG, YOU'RE THROWING NEXT. WHY AREN'T YOU WARMING UP?

  • 8:59 - 9:01

    WHY GET WARM WHEN I'M ALREADY HOT?

  • 9:01 - 9:02

    ( LAUGHS )

  • 9:08 - 9:11

    YOU'RE A 30-FOOT SHOT-PUTTER

  • 9:11 - 9:13

    WITH A TEN-FOOT MIND-SET.

  • 9:13 - 9:14

    YOU'RE OUT. HILL!

  • 9:15 - 9:17

    WHAT?! COACH, IT WAS A JOKE!

  • 9:17 - 9:19

    A FUNNY JOKE!

  • 9:19 - 9:20

    GRAB THE SHOT PUT. YOU'RE THROWING NEXT.

  • 9:20 - 9:23

    WHAT? BUT YOU SAW ME THROW!

  • 9:25 - 9:26

    ( GRUNTING )

  • 9:30 - 9:32

    LANDRY, NEXT THROWER.

  • 9:32 - 9:34

    IT'S EASY, HILL.

  • 9:34 - 9:35

    VISUALIZE THE ACTION,

  • 9:35 - 9:37

    THEN ACTUALIZE THE VISION.

  • 9:37 - 9:38

    OKAY.

  • 9:38 - 9:40

    WATCH CLOSELY, WASSANASONG.

  • 9:40 - 9:42

    THIS ISN'T HILL'S THROW.

  • 9:42 - 9:44

    IT'S YOUR THROW.

  • 9:45 - 9:48

    ( WHIMPERING, GRUNTING )

  • 9:54 - 9:56

    ALL RIGHT, HILL!

  • 9:57 - 9:59

    YOU BLEW IT FOR US, CHANE.

  • 9:59 - 10:02

    MAYBE YOUR GIRLFRIEND WANTS TO SEE ME KICK YOUR ASS.

  • 10:02 - 10:05

    ...99... AND A HUNDRED.

  • 10:05 - 10:06

    OKAY, GIRL.

  • 10:06 - 10:07

    DAD, WE WON!

  • 10:07 - 10:09

    AND I COMPETED!

  • 10:09 - 10:10

    I ACTUALLY SHOT THE PUT.

  • 10:10 - 10:12

    OR DID I PUT THE SHOT?

  • 10:12 - 10:14

    EITHER WAY, I THREW IT.

  • 10:14 - 10:15

    WELL, WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

  • 10:15 - 10:17

    YOU SHOWED THE COACH YOU HAD HEART,

  • 10:17 - 10:18

    AND HE GAVE YOU A CHANCE.

  • 10:18 - 10:21

    I MUST HAVE HAD MORE HEART THAN CHANE WASSANASONG,

  • 10:21 - 10:23

    'CAUSE HE SAT ON THE BENCH.

  • 10:23 - 10:26

    YOU COMPETED WHILE ANOTHER GUY SAT ON THE BENCH?

  • 10:27 - 10:28

    THERE'S A BOTTLE OF SPORT DRINK

  • 10:28 - 10:30

    IN THE GARAGE I'VE BEEN SAVING.

  • 10:30 - 10:32

    LET'S OPEN IT.

  • 10:34 - 10:37

    HEY, CHANE, IF THIS WERE AN EGG,

  • 10:37 - 10:40

    IT'D TAKE SOME KIND OF CRAZY BIRD TO LAY IT!

  • 10:40 - 10:43

    I'M TRYING TO HYPER-FOCUS, OKAY?

  • 10:45 - 10:47

    YOU'RE EATING SUGAR RIGHT BEFORE THE HUNDRED?!

  • 10:47 - 10:48

    HILL, SWEATS OFF!

  • 10:51 - 10:53

    ( GUNSHOT )

  • 10:53 - 10:54

    ( GASPS )

  • 10:55 - 10:58

    ( CHEERING )

  • 10:59 - 11:01

    ( PANTING )

  • 11:01 - 11:04

    THE FINISH LINE IS INSIDE OF ME.

  • 11:06 - 11:08

    NOW YOU'VE TASTED CHOCOLATE AND FAILURE.

  • 11:08 - 11:10

    WHICH IS MORE BITTER?

  • 11:10 - 11:12

    UM... I LIKE CHOCOLATE MORE THAN FAILURE.

  • 11:12 - 11:15

    SO THAT MEANS I SHOULD EAT MORE CHOCOLATE?

  • 11:15 - 11:16

    I... I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

  • 11:16 - 11:18

    UNDERSTAND THIS, GENTLEMEN.

  • 11:18 - 11:21

    ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, IF I THINK SOMEONE'S DOGGING IT,

  • 11:21 - 11:22

    HE'LL BE "BOBBY HILLED."

  • 11:22 - 11:25

    WINNING IS THE CARROT, AND BOBBY IS THE STICK.

  • 11:26 - 11:28

    WHEW!

  • 11:28 - 11:29

    I HAD TO STOP.

  • 11:29 - 11:32

    THEY WERE PUTTING UP HURDLES FOR THE NEXT RACE.

  • 11:32 - 11:35

    HILL, YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THIS TEAM

  • 11:35 - 11:36

    TO THE DISTRICT FINALS.

  • 11:41 - 11:42

    BOY, I SURE WISH

  • 11:43 - 11:45

    I COULD HAVE GONE TO BOBBY'S MEET TODAY.

  • 11:45 - 11:46

    WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE

  • 11:46 - 11:48

    TO BE MR. STRICKLAND'S CHARACTER WITNESS?

  • 11:48 - 11:50

    WELL, I THINK IT'S AN HONOR.

  • 11:50 - 11:51

    MOM, DAD, WE WON!

  • 11:51 - 11:53

    I NEED SOME ICE.

  • 11:53 - 11:56

    MY HAND'S SORE FROM ALL THE HIGH-FIVING.

  • 11:56 - 11:59

    GREAT! DID THE COACH LET YOU THROW THE SHOT PUT AGAIN?

  • 11:59 - 12:01

    NAH. I WAS BUSY DOING THE 440.

  • 12:01 - 12:03

    YOU RAN THE 440?

  • 12:03 - 12:06

    COACH SAID I'M A SECRET WEAPON HE CAN DEPLOY ANYWHERE.

  • 12:07 - 12:08

    OH, AND GUESS WHAT?

  • 12:08 - 12:10

    I'VE GOT A NICKNAME.

  • 12:10 - 12:12

    THE GUYS CALL ME "THE STICK."

  • 12:12 - 12:14

    SURE. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU STUCK IT OUT.

  • 12:14 - 12:17

    YEAH. I'M ACTUALLY STARTING TO HAVE FUN.

  • 12:17 - 12:19

    THAT'S RIGHT.

  • 12:19 - 12:20

    SEE, I DON'T PUNISH YOU TO MAKE YOU MISERABLE.

  • 12:21 - 12:22

    I PUNISH YOU TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.

  • 12:22 - 12:24

    I'M GETTIN' IT!

  • 12:26 - 12:29

    PEGGY: JUMP LONG, LONG JUMPERS!

  • 12:29 - 12:30

    GET SOME ALTITUDE,

  • 12:30 - 12:31

    POLE-VAULTERS!

  • 12:33 - 12:34

    BOY, THIS SPORT

  • 12:34 - 12:36

    DOES NOT LEND ITSELF TO GOOD CHEERS.

  • 12:36 - 12:38

    HANK, WE HAVE A SITUATION.

  • 12:40 - 12:42

    HANK: BOBBY'S DOING THE HIGH HURDLES?!

  • 12:42 - 12:44

    SOMETIMES IT TAKES HIM TWO TRIES

  • 12:44 - 12:46

    JUST TO GET ON THE COUCH. ( GUNSHOT )

  • 12:54 - 12:56

    OH, I CAN'T WATCH.

  • 12:57 - 12:59

    OH, THE HUMANITY.

  • 12:59 - 13:02

    ( GRUNTING )

  • 13:02 - 13:05

    I WASN'T BROUGHT UP TO SECOND-GUESS A COACH,

  • 13:05 - 13:07

    BUT THIS MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL.

  • 13:07 - 13:09

    I'M GONNA FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.

  • 13:09 - 13:11

    YOU THINK BOBBY'S BAD?

  • 13:11 - 13:13

    IMAGINE IF WE HAD A CHILD.

  • 13:13 - 13:16

    ( LAUGHING )

  • 13:17 - 13:20

    ( LAUGHING )

  • 13:20 - 13:21

    I'D LOVE HIM ANYWAY.

  • 13:23 - 13:25

    YOU'RE HALFWAY HOME, HILL!

  • 13:25 - 13:27

    STILL THINK CURFEW IS "BOGUS"?

  • 13:27 - 13:28

    EXCUSE ME, COACH PALMER?

  • 13:28 - 13:30

    DON'T WORRY, MR. HILL.

  • 13:30 - 13:31

    I'VE GOT BOBBY WORKING ON FALLING ON HIS HANDS.

  • 13:31 - 13:33

    YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE DADS

  • 13:33 - 13:36

    WHO GETS MAD IF THE COACH DOESN'T PLAY MY SON.

  • 13:36 - 13:39

    MATTER OF FACT, BOBBY SHOULDN'T BE ANYWHERE NEAR A HURDLE.

  • 13:39 - 13:40

    HE'S EMBARRASSING HIMSELF.

  • 13:41 - 13:43

    NO, HE'S EMBARRASSING THE GUY HE'S REPLACING.

  • 13:43 - 13:47

    YOU'RE USING BOBBY TO SHAME THE GOOD ATHLETES?

  • 13:47 - 13:50

    SINCE I STARTED USING BOBBY AS THE STICK,

  • 13:50 - 13:51

    THE TEAM'S BEEN ON FIRE.

  • 13:51 - 13:52

    WE HAVEN'T LOST A MEET.

  • 13:52 - 13:55

    HUH. WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOD,

  • 13:55 - 13:58

    BUT IT'S MAKING ME FEEL KIND OF SICK.

  • 13:58 - 14:00

    ALL I KNOW IS, BOBBY'S TEAMMATES

  • 14:00 - 14:01

    ARE SETTING PERSONAL BESTS,

  • 14:01 - 14:03

    AND WE'RE HEADED FOR THE DISTRICT FINALS.

  • 14:03 - 14:05

    EXCUSE ME. I JUST SAW MY POLE VAULTER

  • 14:05 - 14:07

    LIGHT A CIGARETTE.

  • 14:07 - 14:09

    HILL, FORGET THE HURDLES! POLE VAULT!

  • 14:09 - 14:11

    I'M ON IT.

  • 14:13 - 14:15

    HOW WAS THAT?

  • 14:22 - 14:24

    WELL, I GUESS IT'S NICE THAT THE COACH

  • 14:24 - 14:26

    CALLS BOBBY HIS "GO-TO GUY," BUT...

  • 14:26 - 14:28

    FEELS LIKE ONE OF THOSE FAIRY TALES

  • 14:28 - 14:30

    WHERE THE GENIE GIVES YOU A WISH,

  • 14:30 - 14:32

    BUT YOU ASK FOR IT IN SLIGHTLY THE WRONG WAY

  • 14:33 - 14:35

    AND YOU END UP WITH A SOLID GOLD HEAD OR SOMETHING.

  • 14:35 - 14:38

    THE CORRECT STRATEGY WITH GENIES

  • 14:38 - 14:40

    IS TO WISH FOR MORE WISHES.

  • 14:40 - 14:41

    IT JUST SEEMS WRONG.

  • 14:41 - 14:43

    NOTHING'S EXPECTED OF HIM.

  • 14:43 - 14:44

    BOBBY NEVER DID POLE VAULT.

  • 14:44 - 14:46

    HE JUST LIMBO'D UNDER THE BAR.

  • 14:46 - 14:47

    ( SIGHS )

  • 14:47 - 14:49

    IN A WAY, LIFE WAS SIMPLER

  • 14:49 - 14:52

    WHEN BOBBY WAS MAKING COLLAGES OUT OF PEOPLE MAGAZINE.

  • 14:52 - 14:53

    ( TV PLAYING )

  • 14:54 - 14:56

    HEY, DAD. I'M CARBO-LOADING.

  • 14:56 - 14:57

    YEAH, UH...

  • 14:57 - 14:59

    HERE'S THE THING.

  • 14:59 - 15:00

    BOBBY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND

  • 15:00 - 15:02

    WHY THE COACH IS PLAYING YOU SO MUCH?

  • 15:02 - 15:04

    'COURSE I DO, DAD.

  • 15:04 - 15:06

    MY INPUT DELTA YIELDS, YOU KNOW, A TANGENT

  • 15:07 - 15:09

    TO A WINNING HYPOTENUSE OR SOMETHING.

  • 15:09 - 15:11

    WELL, IT'S MOSTLY

  • 15:11 - 15:13

    BECAUSE YOU'RE REALLY BAD.

  • 15:13 - 15:15

    THE OTHER GUYS TRY HARDER

  • 15:15 - 15:18

    SO THEY AREN'T HUMILIATED BY BEING REPLACED BY YOU.

  • 15:18 - 15:21

    I KNEW I WAS CONTRIBUTING.

  • 15:21 - 15:24

    I JUST WASN'T SURE HOW.

  • 15:24 - 15:25

    I'M A MOTIVATOR!

  • 15:25 - 15:27

    I'M LIKE A BIG RALLY MONKEY.

  • 15:27 - 15:31

    BOBBY, YOU DON'T MOTIVATE ANYONE BY BEING LOUSY.

  • 15:31 - 15:33

    YOU MOTIVATE 'EM BY GIVING A HEARTBREAKING SPEECH

  • 15:33 - 15:35

    OR DYING OR SOMETHING.

  • 15:35 - 15:38

    YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING YOU SHOULD QUIT THIS TEAM.

  • 15:38 - 15:40

    QUIT THE TEAM I BROUGHT TO THE FINALS?

  • 15:40 - 15:42

    NO WAY!

  • 15:42 - 15:45

    OH, BY THE WAY, TOMORROW NIGHT'S THE LETTER CEREMONY.

  • 15:45 - 15:47

    I NEED $90 FOR THE JACKET.

  • 15:47 - 15:48

    $90?!

  • 15:48 - 15:51

    I WENT FOR THE LEATHER SLEEVES.

  • 15:52 - 15:53

    COACH: RAMÓN ALEJANDRO...

  • 15:55 - 15:59

    HANK, I BET THIS REMINDS YOU OF WHEN YOU GOT YOUR LETTER.

  • 15:59 - 16:01

    OH SURE. ONLY I LED THE LEAGUE IN RUSHING

  • 16:01 - 16:04

    AND SACRIFICED ALL THE CARTILAGE IN MY KNEES.

  • 16:04 - 16:06

    OTHER THAN THAT, DEJA VU.

  • 16:06 - 16:08

    GARY ANDERSON.

  • 16:08 - 16:11

    DAD, I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE--

  • 16:11 - 16:13

    BE A PROFESSIONAL MOTIVATOR.

  • 16:13 - 16:15

    I JUST NEED TO FIND A FIELD

  • 16:15 - 16:17

    IN WHICH I HAVE NO POTENTIAL.

  • 16:17 - 16:19

    HMM...

  • 16:19 - 16:21

    I'D MAKE A TERRIBLE DAM BUILDER.

  • 16:21 - 16:23

    WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRY TO BE GOOD AT SOMETHING?

  • 16:23 - 16:26

    DON'T TRY TO MOTIVATE A MOTIVATOR, DAD.

  • 16:26 - 16:29

    AND THE MAN WHO BROUGHT US TO THE DISTRICT FINALS...

  • 16:29 - 16:30

    BOBBY HILL!

  • 16:30 - 16:32

    ( AUDIENCE CHEERING )

  • 16:33 - 16:34

    EXCUSE ME.

  • 16:39 - 16:41

    ( CHANTING ): STICK! STICK! STICK!

  • 17:06 - 17:08

    WHAT DO YOU THINK, COACH?

  • 17:08 - 17:10

    ANY SPRINTERS ACTING LACKADAISICAL?

  • 17:10 - 17:12

    HIGH JUMPERS SHOWING ENOUGH GRIT?

  • 17:12 - 17:14

    EVERYONE'S BROUGHT THEIR "A" GAME, BOBBY,

  • 17:14 - 17:16

    BECAUSE OF YOU.

  • 17:16 - 17:19

    THE STICK'LL BE TAKING A NAP IF YOU NEED HIM.

  • 17:19 - 17:21

    WELL, THE MEET'S ALMOST OVER.

  • 17:21 - 17:23

    I WONDER IF BOBBY'S GONNA HUMILIATE

  • 17:23 - 17:25

    ANYONE... BESIDES HIMSELF.

  • 17:25 - 17:27

    THERE'S BOBBY. LOOK, RIGHT THERE.

  • 17:28 - 17:30

    OH...

  • 17:30 - 17:32

    HE'S CURLED UP IN HIS LITTLE LETTERMAN'S JACKET.

  • 17:32 - 17:33

    HE'S SLEEPING?

  • 17:33 - 17:36

    DAMN IT, THAT DOES IT.

  • 17:37 - 17:38

    WAKE UP, BOBBY.

  • 17:38 - 17:39

    WE'RE GOING HOME.

  • 17:39 - 17:41

    ( YAWNS )

  • 17:41 - 17:43

    BUT THE TEAM NEEDS ME.

  • 17:43 - 17:45

    IS THERE A PROBLEM, MR. HILL?

  • 17:45 - 17:47

    YEAH, THERE IS.

  • 17:47 - 17:49

    A REAL COACH BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN HIS PLAYERS.

  • 17:49 - 17:53

    A JACKASS PUTS HIS WORST GUY ON DISPLAY LIKE IT'S A SIDESHOW.

  • 17:53 - 17:56

    IN THE FUTURE, WHEN EVERY TEAM HAS A DESIGNATED "BOBBY HILL,"

  • 17:57 - 17:58

    AND I'M IN THE TRACK HALL OF FAME,

  • 17:58 - 18:00

    MAYBE YOU'LL FEEL DIFFERENTLY.

  • 18:00 - 18:02

    THERE'S A TRACK HALL OF FAME?

  • 18:02 - 18:04

    THE RELAY IS ABOUT TO START.

  • 18:04 - 18:06

    WE TAKE THIS, WE WIN THE MEET.

  • 18:06 - 18:07

    COACH--

  • 18:07 - 18:10

    I HYPER-EXTENDED AND I CAN'T RUN THE RELAY.

  • 18:10 - 18:10

    YOU WHAT?!

  • 18:10 - 18:11

    I STRETCHED TOO HARD.

  • 18:11 - 18:13

    I SAW YOU TALKING TO THE STICK

  • 18:13 - 18:15

    AND I GOT SCARED I WAS GONNA GET BOBBY HILLED.

  • 18:15 - 18:17

    LANDRY!

  • 18:17 - 18:19

    I NEED A RUNNER OR YOU'RE DISQUALIFIED.

  • 18:19 - 18:21

    MURPHY'S STILL LONG-JUMPING.

  • 18:21 - 18:23

    I-I-I DON'T SEE CHANE...

  • 18:23 - 18:24

    LANDRY!

  • 18:24 - 18:25

    I-I-I DON'T, I DON'T HAVE ANYONE LEFT.

  • 18:25 - 18:27

    I-I NEVER ENVISIONED A NO-SUB SCENARIO.

  • 18:27 - 18:29

    YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

  • 18:29 - 18:30

    YOU'VE GOT BOBBY. YOU CAN PUT HIM IN.

  • 18:30 - 18:31

    WHAT? WHAT?

  • 18:33 - 18:35

    THIS ISN'T A STICK SITUATION.

  • 18:35 - 18:38

    FAILING WOULD ACTUALLY HURT US HERE.

  • 18:38 - 18:41

    OKAY. OKAY, I CAN DO THIS.

  • 18:41 - 18:44

    HILL, ANY GOOD PARADIGM CAN BE INVERTED.

  • 18:44 - 18:46

    IMAGINE ANOTHER YOU-- WE'LL CALL THAT

  • 18:46 - 18:48

    "BOBBY HILL SUB-NEGATIVE ONE..."

  • 18:48 - 18:50

    FORGET ABOUT THAT NONSENSE, BOBBY.

  • 18:50 - 18:52

    YOU JUST HAVE TO DO TWO THINGS:

  • 18:52 - 18:54

    MOVE THIS LEG, THEN MOVE THAT ONE

  • 18:54 - 18:56

    AND DON'T QUIT UNTIL THE RACE IS OVER.

  • 18:56 - 18:57

    YOU CAN DO IT, BOBBY.

  • 18:57 - 18:59

    YOU CAN TRY.

  • 19:12 - 19:13

    ( CHEERING )

  • 19:17 - 19:19

    ( PANTING )

  • 19:22 - 19:24

    ANNOUNCER: IT'S TOM LANDRY IN THE LEAD!

  • 19:36 - 19:39

    ONE FOOT... IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.

  • 19:50 - 19:52

    I WISH BOBBY WASN'T SUCH A BUTTERFINGERS.

  • 19:52 - 19:56

    BOBBY! PRETEND THE BATON IS THE REMOTE!

  • 20:01 - 20:02

    HO, YEAH!

  • 20:02 - 20:04

    ANNOUNCER: WITH ONE LEG TO GO,

  • 20:04 - 20:07

    IT'S TOM LANDRY'S TO LOSE!

  • 20:07 - 20:08

    MAYBE NOT.

  • 20:23 - 20:25

    KEEP GOING, BOBBY! DON'T LAY DOWN WITH THEM!

  • 20:26 - 20:27

    ( PANTING HARD )

  • 20:30 - 20:32

    ANNOUNCER: THE LANDRY RUNNER IS THE ONLY ONE STILL ON HIS FEET.

  • 20:43 - 20:45

    LANDRY WINS!

  • 20:45 - 20:47

    TEAMMATE: BOBBY! ALL RIGHT, BOBBY!

  • 20:47 - 20:48

    YEAH, YOU'RE THE STICK! ALL RIGHT! YEAH!

  • 20:48 - 20:50

    YOU DID IT!

  • 20:50 - 20:51

    THAT'S HOW YOU MOTIVATE A TEAM.

  • 20:54 - 20:56

    WELL, BOBBY, YOU LOST A HUGE LEAD

  • 20:56 - 20:59

    AND IT TOOK A BUNCH OF GUYS FALLING DOWN, BUT YOU DID IT.

  • 20:59 - 21:02

    I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP.

  • 21:02 - 21:04

    GO AHEAD, SON. YOU'VE EARNED IT.

  • 21:05 - 21:07

    ( CHEERING )

  • 21:07 - 21:08

    I'M SERIOUS, GUYS.

  • 21:08 - 21:11

    YOU DON'T WANT TO BE UNDER ME.

  • 21:50 - 21:53

    DALE: OH, THE HUMANITY.