Propaniac – S08E20 - Hank's Back

S08E20 - Hank's Back

0:36 - 0:38
HANK, IT'S HOT AGAIN!
0:38 - 0:39
IT'S INDIAN SUMMER.
0:39 - 0:41
OKAY, JOE JACK, YOU'RE ON SPATULAS.
0:41 - 0:42
ENRIQUE, ACCESSORIES.
0:42 - 0:45
IF WE GET ANY MORE CROWDED, WE'LL GO ZONE.
0:45 - 0:46
CAN I JUST GET MY TANK FILLED?
0:46 - 0:48
YOU KNOW, I COULD DO THIS
0:48 - 0:50
ON THE INTERNET FOR HALF THE PRICE.
0:50 - 0:51
I'VE BEEN HERE LONGER THAN HIM.
0:53 - 0:55
"SERVICE" MEANS "SERVE US."
0:55 - 0:57
HE'S RIGHT.
1:00 - 1:01
GREAT!
1:01 - 1:03
YOU'RE TAKING A BREAK!
1:06 - 1:08
WELL, THIS ALL LOOKS NORMAL.
1:08 - 1:12
NORMAL? I SPENT ALL DAY AT WORK BENT OVER LIKE AN "L."
1:12 - 1:15
GOOD POSTURE IS ONE OF A SALESMAN'S MOST POTENT WEAPONS.
1:15 - 1:17
I'M SORRY, MR. HILL. I UNDERSTAND IT'S PAINFUL,
1:17 - 1:20
BUT SOFT TISSUE INJURY JUST DOESN'T SHOW UP ON FILM.
1:20 - 1:21
HUH, SO HOW DO YOU FIX IT?
1:21 - 1:23
WELL, THERE'S REALLY NOTHING I CAN DO.
1:23 - 1:24
WHAT YOUR BACK NEEDS IS REST.
1:24 - 1:26
JUST HAVE YOUR OFFICE SEND OVER
1:26 - 1:27
YOUR WORKERS' COMPENSATION FORMS,
1:27 - 1:28
AND I'LL SIGN OFF ON THEM.
1:28 - 1:30
WORKERS' COMP?!
1:30 - 1:32
DO I LOOK LIKE A HOBO TO YOU?
1:32 - 1:34
NO, SIR! I'M NOT GOING ON WELFARE.
1:34 - 1:36
IT'S INDIAN SUMMER!
1:36 - 1:38
WELL, IF YOU INSIST ON WORKING,
1:38 - 1:41
I'LL WRITE YOU A PRESCRIPTION FOR PAIN MEDICINE.
1:41 - 1:42
WHOA, THERE, DR. FEELGOOD.
1:42 - 1:45
I WORK AT A PROPANE DEALERSHIP, NOT WOODSTOCK.
1:45 - 1:47
THEN I'M SORRY, BUT ALL WESTERN MEDICINE
1:47 - 1:49
CAN REALLY OFFER YOU ARE DRUGS AND NOTHING.
1:50 - 1:52
BUT SOME PEOPLE HAVE HAD GOOD LUCK WITH YOGA.
1:52 - 1:54
I HEART HERE'S A STUDIO OVER IN MCMAYNERBURY.
1:54 - 1:57
YOGA? ISN'T THAT A CULT?
1:57 - 1:59
THE GROUP THAT RENTED THE SPACE BEFORE THEM WAS A CULT.
1:59 - 2:00
THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING OF.
2:00 - 2:02
SO, THOSE ARE MY CHOICES?
2:02 - 2:05
WORKERS' COMP, DRUGS, OR YOGA?
2:10 - 2:13
I HATE TO ASK YOU THIS, BUT I'M GOING TO NEED
2:13 - 2:15
SOME HELP PUTTING MY PANTS BACK ON.
2:20 - 2:22
I HOPE I'M NOT BEING FUSSY.
2:22 - 2:24
ACTUALLY, I KNOW I'M NOT.
2:24 - 2:27
BUT YOU PUT MY CANNED TOMATOES ON TOP OF MY BREAD
2:27 - 2:29
AND MY CHICKEN RIGHT NEXT TO MY BLEACH.
2:29 - 2:30
SO?
2:30 - 2:33
SO, I THINK MY FAMILY DESERVES BETTER
2:33 - 2:36
THAN POISONED CHICKEN SANDWICHES ON CRUSHED BREAD.
2:37 - 2:40
MANAGER ON FOUR, PLEASE.
2:40 - 2:41
FORGET THE ID, MANDY.
2:41 - 2:42
JUST SELL HER THE CIGARETTES.
2:42 - 2:44
THIS LADY'S GOT SOME DEAL
2:44 - 2:46
ABOUT THE CHICKEN OR THE BAG OR SOMETHING.
2:46 - 2:49
PEGGY?! DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS LADY IS?
2:49 - 2:52
THIS IS PEGGY PLATTER, THE GREATEST BAGGER
2:52 - 2:53
THE PINK AND WHITE EVER SAW!
2:53 - 2:57
I'M PEGGY HILL NOW, BUT I THINK I STILL REMEMBER
2:57 - 2:59
WHICH END THE FOOD GOES INTO.
3:01 - 3:03
WHOO, ITS BEEN A LONG TIME
3:03 - 3:06
SINCE I WAS ON THIS SIDE OF THE DAIRY CASE.
3:06 - 3:07
THOSE WERE THE DAYS, HUH, PETE?
3:08 - 3:09
ME CUTTING MY TEETH IN PRODUCE,
3:09 - 3:12
AND YOU ANCHORING CHECK STAND THREE.
3:12 - 3:13
REGULAR DREAM TEAM.
3:13 - 3:15
I KNOW YOU'VE GOT FRESHER MILK BACK THERE!
3:15 - 3:16
PUT IT OUT!
3:16 - 3:18
AH, EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.
3:18 - 3:21
EVER SINCE MEGA-LO-MART STARTED SELLING GROCERIES,
3:21 - 3:23
ALL FOLKS WANT IS LOW PRICES,
3:23 - 3:26
CONVENIENT PARKING AND HUGE SELECTION.
3:26 - 3:27
I CAN'T COMPETE.
3:27 - 3:29
YES, YOU CAN.
3:29 - 3:31
WITH GREAT, OLD-FASHIONED SERVICE.
3:31 - 3:33
THE KIND I USED TO DELIVER.
3:34 - 3:36
PEGGY, ARE YOU SAYING?
3:36 - 3:38
NO, I'M NOT SAYING. I'M BAGGING!
3:38 - 3:39
PETE, FIRE UP YOUR LABEL MAKER.
3:40 - 3:41
I'M GOING TO NEED A NAME TAG.
3:46 - 3:48
RELAX.
3:48 - 3:49
I'M GOING TO MOVE THE ENERGY
3:49 - 3:51
FROM YOUR THIGHS TO YOUR BUTTOCKS NOW.
3:51 - 3:53
HEY, IS MY BACK STRAIGHT?
3:53 - 3:54
FACE THE WALL!
3:54 - 3:55
UH, HELLO.
3:55 - 3:57
I WAS WONDERING IF YOGA CAN HELP MY BACK,
3:57 - 3:59
BECAUSE IT HURTS LIKE ALL...
4:00 - 4:01
HUH?!
4:01 - 4:03
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.
4:03 - 4:06
ONCE I WAS LIKE YOU... SKEPTICAL, NEARSIGHTED, PAUNCHY.
4:06 - 4:08
THEN I MET A SPECIAL FRIEND.
4:08 - 4:12
THIS GLORIOUS FRIEND TOOK ME TO PLACES I THOUGHT I'D NEVER...
4:12 - 4:14
EXCUSE ME, BUT IS THIS ONE OF THOSE STORIES
4:14 - 4:18
WHERE THIS "SPECIAL FRIEND" OF YOURS TURNS OUT TO BE YOGA?
4:18 - 4:21
WHAT TIME DO YOU EVACUATE YOUR BOWELS?
4:21 - 4:23
WHAT? THERE'S ONLY ONE RIGHT ANSWER...
4:23 - 4:25
BETWEEN 4:00 AND 6:00 IN THE MORNING.
4:25 - 4:26
WELL, THIS WAS
4:26 - 4:28
A GREAT WAY TO SPEND A LUNCH HOUR.
4:28 - 4:32
LUNCH IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS YOU CAN DO TO YOURSELF.
4:33 - 4:35
DAD, I LEARNED HOW TO DO A WHEELIE.
4:35 - 4:37
WATCH!
4:41 - 4:43
PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, SON.
4:43 - 4:44
EXTREME.
4:45 - 4:46
HOW WAS IT?
4:46 - 4:47
CRAP WHEELIE.
4:47 - 4:49
DAD, YOU LOOK LIKE THAT OLD MAN
4:50 - 4:51
WE HATE GETTING STUCK BEHIND
4:51 - 4:53
IN THE BUFFET LINE AT LULY'S.
4:53 - 4:56
UH... YEAH, I JUST GOT A LITTLE KNOT IN MY BACK.
4:56 - 4:57
IT'S NOTHING.
4:57 - 4:59
HAVE YOU TRIED WALKING IT OFF?
4:59 - 5:01
THAT'S GREAT ADVICE, BOBBY.
5:01 - 5:05
I'LL FINISH UP HERE, THEN WALK IT OFF A LITTLE LATER.
5:07 - 5:08
I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL BOBBY THIS,
5:08 - 5:11
BUT I SPENT ALL MORNING TRYING TO WALK IT OFF.
5:11 - 5:12
I GUESS WE'RE JUST GETTING OLD.
5:12 - 5:15
I USED TO BE ABLE TO PULL MY THUMB BACK THIS FAR
5:15 - 5:16
WITHOUT IT HURTING.
5:16 - 5:18
NOW, WHEN I DO IT, IT HURTS.
5:21 - 5:22
IT WAS EASIER BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.
5:22 - 5:24
WHEN YOU DIDN'T FEEL SO GREAT,
5:24 - 5:25
COACH SAUERS WOULD JUST GIVE YOU
5:25 - 5:27
SOME OF THOSE "GO" PILLS, AND YOU FELT LIKE
5:27 - 5:29
YOU COULD TAKE ON THE DALLAS COWBOYS.
5:29 - 5:32
MAN, YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT THEM DANG OL' "GO" PILLS, MAN?
5:32 - 5:34
TALKIN' 'BOUT THEM OL' HORSE CRANK, MAN.
5:34 - 5:35
YEAH, COACH'S SPECIAL VITAMINS
5:35 - 5:36
REALLY DID THE TRICK.
5:36 - 5:38
I BROKE MY LEG GOING FOR A TOUCHDOWN,
5:39 - 5:40
AND I DIDN'T REALIZE IT FOR TWO DAYS!
5:41 - 5:44
TOOK SEVEN POLICE OFFICERS TO GET ME INTO THAT AMBULANCE.
5:44 - 5:45
WELL, I MAY NOT HAVE "GO" PILLS,
5:45 - 5:46
BUT I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE
5:46 - 5:48
THAT'S GOING TO GET ME THROUGH THIS...
5:48 - 5:49
MY WORK ETHIC.
5:50 - 5:52
HEAR! HEAR!
5:55 - 5:58
OH, FINE, I'LL USE A COASTER.
5:59 - 6:01
OKAY, BIG DAY TODAY, FOLKS .
6:01 - 6:03
JOE JACK, GET THOSE TANKS POLISHED.
6:03 - 6:05
DONNA, WHERE ARE THOSE P.O.'S I ASKED FOR?
6:05 - 6:06
I'M MELINDA.
6:06 - 6:07
OH, SORRY.
6:07 - 6:09
THE NEW SHOES THREW ME.
6:09 - 6:11
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO HOME.
6:11 - 6:14
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, UH, BROWN SHOES?
6:14 - 6:15
I'M FINE.
6:17 - 6:21
UH, I'M JUST GONNA MOVE THIS OVER THERE.
6:28 - 6:30
AND NOW FOR THE TEST.
6:34 - 6:35
I'M READY, CHET.
6:35 - 6:37
OPEN THE LINE.
6:37 - 6:38
PAPER OR PLASTIC?
6:38 - 6:39
PLASTIC.
6:39 - 6:41
THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION.
6:50 - 6:52
HANK, I HAD THE MOST AMAZING DAY.
6:52 - 6:55
MAYBE GOOD BAGGING DOESN'T SAVE LIVES,
6:55 - 6:57
BUT I'D LIKE TO SEE A HEART SURGEON
6:57 - 7:00
PACK A WATERMELON AND LIGHT BULBS IN THE SAME BAG.
7:00 - 7:03
YEAH, UH, COULD YOU OPEN THIS FREEZER FOR ME?
7:03 - 7:04
I GOT IT STARTED.
7:04 - 7:06
HANK, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
7:06 - 7:07
YOU'RE GONNA FILE FOR WORKERS' COMP
7:07 - 7:10
AND LIE AROUND THIS HOUSE UNTIL YOU ARE HEALTHY.
7:10 - 7:12
NO! WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE AM I SENDING BOBBY
7:12 - 7:14
IF I GET PAID FOR LAYING AROUND
7:14 - 7:16
DOING NOTHING?
7:25 - 7:27
HMM, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
7:29 - 7:31
HOW'S YOUR BACK, HONEY?
7:31 - 7:32
GREAT, JOE JACK.
7:32 - 7:34
HOW'S YOUR GAMBLING PROBLEM?
7:36 - 7:37
I'M SORRY, JOE JACK.
7:37 - 7:39
I'M JUST A LITTLE UNDER...
7:39 - 7:41
HANK, I CAN'T HAVE MY SALESPEOPLE
7:41 - 7:43
ALL HUNCHED OVER TALKING TO THEMSELVES.
7:43 - 7:45
IT AIN'T GOOD FOR BUSINESS.
7:45 - 7:47
YOU GIVE ANY THOUGHT TO GOING ON WORKERS' COMP?
7:47 - 7:49
REST EASY, MR. STRICKLAND.
7:49 - 7:50
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
7:50 - 7:52
WHOA! SLOW DOWN, OLD TOP.
7:52 - 7:56
IF YOU GO ON WORKER'S COMP, I CAN HAVE JOE JACK'S COUSIN
7:56 - 7:58
FILL IN FOR YOU FOR HALF THE PAY
7:58 - 8:02
AND STILL HAVE HALF TO BUY MY NEW LADY SOME STUDIO TIME.
8:02 - 8:04
MR. STRICKLAND, AS LONG AS I'M BREATHING,
8:04 - 8:06
I'M GONNA DO MY JOB.
8:06 - 8:07
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, SIR,
8:07 - 8:10
I HAVE SOME NEW TONGS THAT NEED DISPLAYING.
8:19 - 8:21
I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY.
8:25 - 8:29
ENRIQUE, COULD YOU HAND ME ONE OF THOSE WORKERS' COMP FORMS?
8:29 - 8:31
AND A PEN.
8:31 - 8:32
WAIT, NEVER MIND.
8:32 - 8:33
THERE'S A BUNCH UNDER THIS DESK.
8:44 - 8:45
SO WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT HERE?
8:45 - 8:47
SLIP AND FALL, CARPAL TUNNEL?
8:47 - 8:48
OH, HERE IT IS.
8:48 - 8:51
"LIFTED TWO PROPANE TANKS AT ONCE."
8:51 - 8:54
YEAH, I ALMOST WROTE "TEMPORARY INSANITY."
8:54 - 8:56
BOY, A LOT
8:56 - 8:57
OF PAPERWORK, HUH?
8:57 - 8:58
MMM. IT'S HALF MY JOB.
8:58 - 9:01
THE OTHER HALF IS EXPOSING FAKERS.
9:01 - 9:02
WHY WOULD ANYBODY FAKE IT?
9:02 - 9:05
I LOVE THE LOOK ON A CUSTOMER'S FACE
9:05 - 9:07
WHEN I TOP OFF THEIR PROPANE TANK.
9:07 - 9:08
THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T SEND ME
9:08 - 9:10
THAT KIND OF SATISFACTION IN THE MAIL.
9:10 - 9:13
MR. HILL, YOU CAN TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH.
9:13 - 9:15
OKAY. YOU NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR.
9:15 - 9:17
I ALREADY SAW A DOCTOR.
9:17 - 9:19
JUST FOR FUN, SEE OUR DOCTOR.
9:19 - 9:21
THERE'S NOTHING HERE,
9:21 - 9:24
BUT YOU SAY THAT YOU CAN'T STRAIGHTEN UP?
9:24 - 9:26
WELL, MAYBE THE FIRST THING WE SHOULD LOOK AT...
9:26 - 9:29
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
9:29 - 9:30
IT SLIPPED.
9:30 - 9:33
AS I WAS SAYING, BACK INJURIES VARY.
9:33 - 9:35
I'VE FOUND THE BEST COURSE OF TREATMENT...
9:35 - 9:37
WHAT THE GOT-DANGED?
9:37 - 9:40
OH, WELL PLAYED, MR. HILL.
9:40 - 9:42
IT'S MY MEDICAL OPINION THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE FAKING.
9:42 - 9:44
GO HOME. WAIT FOR YOUR CHECK.
9:44 - 9:45
WELL, AREN'T YOU GONNA HELP ME?
9:45 - 9:46
I DON'T WANT A CHECK.
9:46 - 9:48
I JUST WANT TO GET BACK TO WORK.
9:48 - 9:51
I ALREADY SAID WELL PLAYED, MR. HILL.
9:54 - 9:55
BACK TROUBLE?
9:55 - 9:57
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE A SECOND OPINION.
9:57 - 9:59
TORN CARTILAGE...
9:59 - 10:01
HERNIA, STRESS TRAUMA...
10:01 - 10:03
OH, WE'RE GOING TO NEED A LOT MORE X RAYS.
10:03 - 10:07
MORE? I'VE HAD 40 GOT-DANGED X RAYS IN TWO DAYS.
10:07 - 10:10
WELL, NOBODY SAID MAKING MONEY WAS EASY, MR. HILL.
10:10 - 10:11
THINK OF GETTING X RAYS AS YOUR NEW JOB.
10:11 - 10:14
OH, AND FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL DISTRESS,
10:14 - 10:16
HERE'S THE NUMBER OF A VERY SYMPATHETIC LAWYER.
10:16 - 10:18
"ACCIDENTE?!"
10:18 - 10:20
HEY, THIS GUY'S ON TV.
10:20 - 10:21
THIS CONSULTATION
10:21 - 10:22
IS OVER.
10:27 - 10:29
AND YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY, YOU HEAR?
10:30 - 10:31
YOU KNOW, BAGGING GROCERIES
10:31 - 10:34
HAS GIVEN ME A STRANGE WINDOW INTO PEOPLE'S LIVES.
10:34 - 10:36
I PUT THEIR SECRETS IN A PAPER SACK.
10:36 - 10:38
I TELL THEM TO HAVE A GREAT DAY,
10:38 - 10:40
BUT I'M NOT SURE THEY DO.
10:40 - 10:44
I'M UP TO THREE BEERS ON MY LUNCH BREAK.
10:45 - 10:47
MMM. YUP.
10:47 - 10:48
YEP.
10:48 - 10:50
MM-HMM.
10:50 - 10:51
YUP.
10:52 - 10:54
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GO TO WORK
10:54 - 10:55
AND EVERYBODY'S ACTING LIKE
10:56 - 10:58
I'M TRYING TO PULL OFF SOME KIND OF SCAM.
10:58 - 11:00
YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED, BILL.
11:00 - 11:01
HOW EMBARRASSING.
11:01 - 11:04
I THOUGHT I'D REMOVED THE LACES FROM THESE SHOES.
11:04 - 11:05
YEAH, MAN, YOU BEEN KNOCKED DOWN
11:05 - 11:07
IN YOUR PRIME, MAN, JUST TALKIN' 'BOUT,
11:07 - 11:09
LIKE, LIKE DANG OL' BRIAN'S SONG, MAN.
11:09 - 11:10
THAT PART WHEN THEY GO DANG OL' TALKIN' 'BOUT
11:10 - 11:11
OL' "HANG IN THERE, PIC."
11:11 - 11:12
YOU'LL SEE, HANK.
11:12 - 11:14
LYING AROUND THE HOUSE ALONE
11:14 - 11:15
ALL DAY ISN'T SO BAD.
11:15 - 11:18
AFTER A WHILE, YOUR COUCH AND YOUR TV
11:18 - 11:20
WILL BECOME YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER.
11:20 - 11:22
THE COUCH IS YOUR MOTHER.
11:22 - 11:25
CLEARLY, YOU ARE NOT YET COMFORTABLE
11:25 - 11:27
BEING A LEECH ON THE SYSTEM.
11:27 - 11:31
SLITHER INTO AMERICA'S LARGE INTESTINE AND CLAMP ON, HANK.
11:31 - 11:33
SORRY, DALE, BUT THAT'S NOT FOR ME.
11:33 - 11:35
MY FIRST WORKERS' COMP CHECK CAME TODAY
11:35 - 11:37
AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO OPEN IT.
11:37 - 11:40
WELL, IF YOU'RE DETERMINED TO HOLD ON TO YOUR BLIND PREJUDICE
11:40 - 11:44
AGAINST BEING A PARASITE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO SEE JOHN REDCORN.
11:44 - 11:46
NANCY USED TO GET HIS DEEP MASSAGES
11:46 - 11:48
AND COME HOME LIMP AS A NOODLE.
11:50 - 11:53
OH, HANK, YOU LOOK LONELY DOWN THERE.
11:53 - 11:54
BILL.
11:54 - 11:55
SORRY.
12:01 - 12:02
UH...
12:02 - 12:03
HANK?
12:03 - 12:05
UH...
12:05 - 12:07
FUNNY STORY, JOHN REDCORN, UH...
12:07 - 12:09
SEE, I'M IN TERRIBLE PAIN.
12:11 - 12:15
* CLOSE THE DOOR... *
12:15 - 12:16
YEAH... SO, UH...
12:16 - 12:18
THIS IS MY FIRST MASSAGE.
12:18 - 12:20
PUT YOUR FACE IN THE HOLE, HANK.
12:20 - 12:22
CAN YOU MAKE THE LIGHTS ANY BRIGHTER?
12:22 - 12:24
THAT'S AS BRIGHT AS THEY GO.
12:24 - 12:27
IS THIS LUTHER VANDROSS?
12:27 - 12:28
TEDDY PENDERGRASS.
12:28 - 12:30
CAN YOU, UH, TURN IT OFF?
12:30 - 12:33
NO. IT'S WIRED TO THE LIGHTS.
12:34 - 12:35
GUESS I'LL BEGIN.
12:35 - 12:37
YEAH.
12:43 - 12:45
I WAS ALSO THINKING ABOUT YOGA.
12:45 - 12:46
YOGA'S GREAT.
12:46 - 12:47
DO IT, MAN. FORGET THE MASSAGE.
12:54 - 12:57
OH, LOOK WHO'S COME CRAWLING BACK.
12:57 - 13:00
HANK, WHY DOES YOUR YOGA MAT SAY "WELCOME?"
13:00 - 13:04
BECAUSE WHERE I GET MY MATS, THEY DON'T SELL YOGA MATS.
13:05 - 13:08
AND LET'S GET STARTED WITH PAVANAMUK TASANA.
13:12 - 13:15
THAT'S A FUNNY NAME, PAVANAMUK?
13:15 - 13:17
IT MEANS THE WIND-RELIEVING POSE.
13:17 - 13:19
WHY DO THEY CALL IT THAT?
13:24 - 13:28
BREATHE THROUGH YOUR FEET.
13:28 - 13:30
DRAW THE AIR FROM THE FLOOR,
13:30 - 13:32
THROUGH YOUR ANKLES...
13:32 - 13:33
BREATHE THROUGH YOUR FEET?
13:33 - 13:37
YOU KNOW, MOST MEN DESIRE CONTROL.
13:37 - 13:41
YOGIS CONTROL DESIRE.
13:41 - 13:43
EXCUSE ME, VICTOR.
13:43 - 13:46
UH, VICTOR? VIC?
13:46 - 13:48
YOGI VICTOR.
13:48 - 13:49
YES?
13:49 - 13:51
WE'VE BEEN DOING THESE STRETCHES
13:51 - 13:52
FOR HALF AN HOUR.
13:52 - 13:53
WHEN DO WE START THE YOGA?
13:58 - 13:59
HANK, DO YOU TELL YOUR BLOOD
13:59 - 14:01
TO START MOVING THROUGH YOUR VEINS?
14:01 - 14:03
OR THE AIR TO START FILLING YOUR LUNGS?
14:04 - 14:06
YOU PROBABLY DO.
14:06 - 14:07
YOU KNOW, VINCE LOMBARDI
14:07 - 14:12
WON FIVE CHAMPIONSHIPS WITHOUT EVER USING SARCASM.
14:12 - 14:14
HE JUST YELLED AND SHOVED PEOPLE.
14:14 - 14:17
UNTIL YOU LEARN HOW TO DO THAT, I'M OUT OF HERE.
14:17 - 14:20
HEY... I'M BENDING.
14:20 - 14:21
SON OF A GUN,
14:21 - 14:22
IT'S WORKING!
14:22 - 14:23
IT'S NOT WORKING.
14:23 - 14:25
IT IS.
14:29 - 14:31
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
14:31 - 14:33
I'VE EVER BEEN DISGUSTED BY THE HUMAN BODY.
14:41 - 14:43
AS YOU BREATHE INTO THIS POSE,
14:43 - 14:46
I HAVE A NEW RELAXATION TAPE
14:46 - 14:48
OF ME MAKING OCEAN NOISES.
14:48 - 14:49
AND FRIDAY NIGHT,
14:49 - 14:50
MY BAND WILL BE PERFORMING
14:50 - 14:52
AT THE PITA POCKET ON WIMBERLEY ROAD.
14:53 - 14:55
THE PAIN... IT'S GONE.
14:55 - 14:57
I'M BETTER!
14:57 - 14:58
I CAN FINALLY QUIT THIS NONSENSE.
14:58 - 15:00
ONE CAN'T LEAVE YOGA, HANK.
15:00 - 15:01
YOGA... YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
15:01 - 15:04
EVERYTHING IS ONE WAY, THEN IT'S THE OPPOSITE.
15:04 - 15:05
GOTTA GO.
15:31 - 15:34
I SAW A MAN AND A WOMAN BUYING THE SAME KIND OF SOUP
15:34 - 15:35
AND I INTRODUCED THEM.
15:35 - 15:37
MAYBE I CAN EVEN FIND SOMEONE FOR YOU, PETE.
15:39 - 15:42
HECK, WHO'D WANT A 40-YEAR-OLD SUPERMARKET MANAGER?
15:42 - 15:43
MMM, GOOD POINT.
15:43 - 15:45
PEGGY,
15:45 - 15:46
MY BACK'S ALL BETTER!
15:46 - 15:49
YEP, THAT YOGA MUMBO-JUMBO ALMOST DROVE ME CRAZY.
15:49 - 15:51
BUT YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THIS...
15:57 - 15:58
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
15:58 - 15:59
TO WORK!
15:59 - 16:00
AW, DANG IT,
16:00 - 16:02
IT'S ALREADY 5:00.
16:02 - 16:04
I WONDER IF I'LL BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT!
16:04 - 16:06
GOD, I FEEL GREAT!
16:10 - 16:11
SAY "FRAUD!"
16:22 - 16:24
I'M GONNA LEAVE A LITTLE EARLY,
16:24 - 16:27
PICK UP A "IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK" CAKE FOR THE GANG.
16:28 - 16:30
FEELING BETTER, MR. HILL?
16:30 - 16:32
I KNEW YOU WERE A FRAUD FROM THE GET-GO.
16:32 - 16:34
FRAUD?! WHAT?
16:34 - 16:36
NO, I'VE ONLY BEEN BETTER A FEW HOURS.
16:36 - 16:38
SURE. LET ME GUESS...
16:38 - 16:39
YOU WERE JUST ON YOUR WAY TO WORK.
16:39 - 16:41
I WAS! LOOK AT MY SHIRT!
16:41 - 16:43
OH, PLEASE.
16:43 - 16:45
MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER HAS A WORK SHIRT THAT SAYS "HANK".
16:45 - 16:49
MR. HILL, THE LAW TAKES A VERY DIM VIEW OF WORKERS' COMP FRAUD.
16:49 - 16:53
OH, GOD... ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE BUNCO SQUAD?
16:53 - 16:55
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FRAUD INQUIRY.
16:55 - 16:56
FEEL FREE TO WEAR THE SHIRT.
16:56 - 16:58
I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU, HANK, BUT YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
16:58 - 17:00
MR. STRICKLAND!
17:00 - 17:01
I KNOW YOU'RE TELLING THE TRUTH,
17:02 - 17:03
BUT WHEN I GET ON THE STAND,
17:03 - 17:06
I GOT A NASTY HABIT OF INCRIMINATING MYSELF.
17:06 - 17:08
WE CAN'T HAVE BOTH OF US IN THE POKEY.
17:08 - 17:10
WHAT ABOUT TEAM STRICKLAND?
17:10 - 17:13
YEAH, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEANT BY THAT, HANK.
17:13 - 17:16
NOW, I NEED TO GET JASMINE TO THE STUDIO.
17:16 - 17:18
I GOT A RECORD TO PRODUCE.
17:18 - 17:20
PUTOUT THAT CIGARETTE.
17:20 - 17:22
YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOUR PIPES.
17:23 - 17:26
I WAS GOING CRAZY WHEN I WAS OUT OF WORK FOR A WEEK.
17:26 - 17:29
NOW I COULD BE OUT OF PROPANE FOREVER.
17:29 - 17:32
WHO'S GOING TO HIRE A GUY CONVICTED OF FRAUD?
17:32 - 17:33
OH, I'LL HIRE YOU, HANK.
17:33 - 17:35
I CAN ALWAYS USE A CONVICT
17:35 - 17:37
TO BLAME MY SHODDY WORK ON.
17:38 - 17:40
MR. HILL,
17:40 - 17:41
WORKERS' COMP FRAUD IS A VERY BIG PROBLEM
17:41 - 17:43
IN THIS STATE.
17:43 - 17:45
YOU KNOW HOW MANY MAILMEN SLIPPED ON ICE LAST YEAR?
17:45 - 17:47
412.
17:47 - 17:49
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ICE WE GOT IN TEXAS?
17:49 - 17:50
NONE.
17:50 - 17:53
MR. CHAIRMAN, I KNOW YOU SEE ME AS A CHEAT AND A FRAUD.
17:53 - 17:56
BUT BACK WHEN I PLAYED FOOTBALL AT ARLEN HIGH,
17:56 - 18:00
I CALLED A PENALTY ON MYSELF FOR ILLEGAL MOTION.
18:00 - 18:01
WAIT, YOU PLAYED FOR ARLEN?
18:01 - 18:03
YEP, RUNNING BACK.
18:03 - 18:05
WOULD'VE PROBABLY WON STATE IF OUR SPECIAL TEAMS,
18:05 - 18:07
AND MY ANKLE, HADN'T BROKEN DOWN.
18:07 - 18:09
I PLAYED FOR ARLEN, TOO.
18:09 - 18:11
CLASS OF '75.
18:11 - 18:13
I WAS ONE OF THE "SACK-TASTIC FOUR."
18:13 - 18:15
WAIT, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO YELLED,
18:15 - 18:16
"IT'S CLOBBERING TIME."
18:16 - 18:18
MR. HILL, YOU SEEM LIKE A DECENT GUY,
18:18 - 18:20
AND I'D REALLY LIKE TO BELIEVE YOU,
18:20 - 18:22
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE PICTURES.
18:22 - 18:23
THIS LADY HAS PICTURES.
18:23 - 18:26
SHE TOOK THOSE AFTER I DID MY YOGA.
18:26 - 18:27
YOU DID YOGA?
18:27 - 18:31
ARE YOU SURE YOU PLAYED AMERICAN FOOTBALL, NOT SOCCER?
18:31 - 18:33
NO, NO. I HATE SOCCER.
18:33 - 18:36
I JUST WENT TO THAT PLACE BECAUSE...
18:36 - 18:40
UH, MR. CHAIRMAN, IF IT PLEASES THE FRAUD HEARING,
18:40 - 18:43
I WOULD LIKE TO CALL A SURPRISE WITNESS.
18:43 - 18:45
WOW, WE'VE NEVER HAD ONE OF THOSE BEFORE.
18:51 - 18:56
THIS ROOM HAS AN AWFUL ENERGY.
18:56 - 18:59
NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU DOUBTS MY POWERS?
18:59 - 19:01
YOU? YOU?
19:01 - 19:02
YOU?
19:02 - 19:03
CALM DOWN, FELLA.
19:03 - 19:06
YOUR POWERS AREN'T UNDER INVESTIGATION HERE.
19:06 - 19:09
NOW, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL US ABOUT MR. HILL'S REHABILITATION?
19:09 - 19:12
I CAN ATTEST THAT HE CAME TO CLASS
19:12 - 19:14
COMPLAINING OF DEBILITATING BACK PAIN,
19:14 - 19:17
ATTENDED THREE CLASSES, AND HE LEFT.
19:17 - 19:19
HE BOUGHT NO MERCHANDISE,
19:19 - 19:21
AND COMPLAINED ABOUT THE INCENSE.
19:24 - 19:25
OKAY, AND FOR THE RECORD,
19:25 - 19:28
COULD YOU EXPLAIN THE NATURE OF YOUR YOGA TREATMENT.
19:29 - 19:32
I COULD TRY, BUT HOW COULD YOU PUT THIS
19:32 - 19:33
INTO THE RECORD?
19:33 - 19:35
MMM...
19:35 - 19:37
MMM... OOH.
19:37 - 19:40
MR. HILL, THIS GUY IS NOT HELPING YOUR CASE.
19:40 - 19:41
EXACTLY.
19:41 - 19:43
LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT HEALTHY PERSON
19:43 - 19:46
WOULD VOLUNTARILY SPEND FIVE MINUTES WITH THIS JOKER?
19:46 - 19:49
IF I WASN'T IN HORRIBLE PAIN,
19:49 - 19:51
WOULDN'T I HAVE KICKED THIS GUY'S ASS?
19:54 - 19:56
WE FIND FOR HANK HILL.
19:56 - 19:57
CONGRATULATIONS.
19:57 - 19:59
OH, THANK GOD.
19:59 - 20:00
WHY ARE YOU REWARDING THIS MAN
20:00 - 20:02
FOR ABANDONING THE YOGA WAY?!
20:02 - 20:04
LOOK AT HIM!
20:04 - 20:05
HE'S CLENCHED FROM HIS BACK MUSCLES
20:05 - 20:06
DOWN TO HIS INNER EYE.
20:06 - 20:08
YOU CAN'T DENY YOU STILL HURT.
20:08 - 20:10
IS THAT TRUE, MR. HILL?
20:10 - 20:11
ARE YOU STILL EXPERIENCING ANY PAIN?
20:12 - 20:13
JUST AN OCCASIONAL TWINGE.
20:13 - 20:15
I'M SORRY, MR. HILL,
20:15 - 20:16
BUT WE CAN'T RISK YOU HAVING A RELAPSE.
20:16 - 20:19
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CONTINUE YOUR TREATMENT.
20:20 - 20:23
I DEMAND YOU BUY A TANK TOP.
20:23 - 20:24
I JUST HAD THE MOST BRILLIANT IDEA.
20:25 - 20:26
AS A PROMOTION, I COULD COMPETE
20:26 - 20:28
AGAINST SOME SORT OF BAGGING MACHINE.
20:28 - 20:30
A RUSSIAN BAGGING MACHINE.
20:30 - 20:32
UH, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN, PEGGY.
20:32 - 20:34
PINK & WHITE'S GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.
20:34 - 20:36
TURNS OUT PEOPLE REALLY DO CARE
20:36 - 20:39
MORE ABOUT LOW PRICES THAN GOOD BAGGING.
20:39 - 20:40
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
20:40 - 20:42
CHET AND I GOT OFFERS FROM MEGA LO MART.
20:42 - 20:44
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH?
20:44 - 20:45
MM-MM, NOT FOR ME.
20:45 - 20:47
MAYBE, IN ANOTHER 20 YEARS,
20:47 - 20:49
PEOPLE WILL APPRECIATE BAGGING AGAIN.
20:49 - 20:50
SURE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT.
20:50 - 20:51
AND WHEN THEY DO,
20:52 - 20:54
PEGGY HILL WILL BE READY.
20:56 - 20:58
THAT JACKASS AT THE YOGA CENTER
20:58 - 21:01
CALLS THIS ONE, "SUN SALUTATION,"
21:01 - 21:04
BUT I PREFER "MODIFIED JOE THEISMAN."
21:04 - 21:06
HEY, HANK, I FEEL, LIKE, AT ONE
21:06 - 21:07
WITH EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.
21:07 - 21:10
I JUST FELT MY CHAKRA OPEN, HONEY.
21:10 - 21:13
NOW WE'RE GONNA MOVE INTO SOMETHING I CALL,
21:13 - 21:16
"FERTILIZING THE LAWN."