S06E16 - Beer and Loathing
0:33 - 0:34
YUP.
0:34 - 0:35
YUP.
0:36 - 0:38
MMM-HMM.
0:38 - 0:40
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
0:40 - 0:41
YUP.
0:42 - 0:45
MMM-HMM.
0:45 - 0:47
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S THE MAN OF THE HOUR.
0:47 - 0:48
GIVE IT, GIVE IT, GIVE IT.
0:49 - 0:51
DANG IT, BILL. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY THE BEER!
0:51 - 0:53
I WENT TO THE MEGA LO MART.
0:53 - 0:54
THEY WERE ALL OUT OF ALAMO.
0:54 - 0:56
DID YOU LOOK HARD?
0:56 - 0:58
IF YOU GUYS THINK I'M SO STUPID
0:58 - 1:01
THAT I CAN'T TELL WHEN A STORE IS OUT OF BEER,
1:01 - 1:04
YOU'RE WELCOME TO GO THERE AND SEE FOR YOURSELF.
1:05 - 1:06
[SCOFFS]
1:06 - 1:07
THEY ARE OUT OF ALAMO.
1:07 - 1:09
THE WHOLE STATE'S OUT OF ALAMO.
1:09 - 1:11
I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT THIS MORNING.
1:11 - 1:15
WELL, IF YOU HAD COME BACK TO THE ALLEY WITH ME LIKE I HAD ASKED...
1:19 - 1:21
[BEEPING]
1:23 - 1:25
[PEGGY GRUNTS]
1:25 - 1:27
I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO PUT MY FIST THROUGH THIS THING.
1:27 - 1:29
YOU PROBABLY FORGOT TO PUT IN THE CODE.
1:29 - 1:32
OH, RIGHT, THE CODE. WH-WHAT IS IT AGAIN?
1:32 - 1:34
ARE YOU A FULL-TIME TEACHER?
1:34 - 1:37
WELL, TODAY, I'M A FULL-TIME SPANISH TEACHER.
1:37 - 1:39
SO YOU'RE A SUB.
1:39 - 1:41
I'M SORRY, THEY ONLY TRUST FULL-TIMERS WITH THE CODE.
1:41 - 1:44
WE'VE HAD PROBLEMS WITH FRIVOLOUS USE.
1:44 - 1:45
[SIGHS]
1:45 - 1:48
HOW MANY COPIES DO YOU NEED?
1:48 - 1:52
20 COPIES OF THE SPANISH QUIZ, AND 100 OF THESE.
1:52 - 1:54
AND THAT IS?
1:55 - 1:57
I'M SELLING A BIKE.
2:01 - 2:03
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
2:03 - 2:05
"HI BRAU"? I CAN'T DRINK THIS.
2:05 - 2:07
YOU KNOW I ONLY DRINK ALAMO.
2:07 - 2:09
AND YOU KNOW ALL THE STORES ARE OUT OF IT.
2:09 - 2:11
BUT NOBODY KNOWS WHY.
2:11 - 2:14
HEY, MOM, REMEMBER THAT ALAMO HOTLINE WE CALLED
2:14 - 2:17
WHEN I GOT THE POP-TOP STUCK ON MY BIG TOE?
2:17 - 2:18
IT SHOULD BE EASIER TO CALL THIS TIME
2:18 - 2:20
WITHOUT YOU SCREAMING IN MY EAR.
2:22 - 2:24
(MALE OPERATOR) HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING ALAMO BEER.
2:24 - 2:26
FOR ENGLISH, PRESS "ONE."
2:26 - 2:29
PARA CONTINUAR EN ESPANOL, OPRIMA EL NUMERO DOS.
2:29 - 2:32
I'VE NEVER BEEN INDIGNANT IN SPANISH BEFORE.
2:32 - 2:33
(WOMAN) HOLA. ALAMO BEER.
2:33 - 2:36
HOLA. PEGGY HILL.
2:36 - 2:39
MUCH GRACIAS, SENORITA. USTED FLATTER ME.
2:39 - 2:41
WELL, ADIOS.
2:41 - 2:44
GREAT NEWS, HANK. I JUST HUNG UP WITH ALAMO.
2:44 - 2:46
WHAT'D THEY SAY? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE BEER?
2:47 - 2:50
RIGHT, THE SHORTAGE. IT DIDN'T COME UP.
2:50 - 2:54
BUT, THEY LIKED MY ESPANOL SO MUCH, THEY OFFERED ME A TEMP JOB
2:54 - 2:57
AS A BILINGUAL CUSTOMER-SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE.
2:57 - 3:02
THAT'S EVEN BETTER. YOU'LL BE ON THE INSIDE WORKING IN THE SAME FACILITY
3:02 - 3:05
AS BREWMASTER CONRAD "SKIP" MEINHOFFER IV.
3:05 - 3:08
YOU CAN ASK HIM WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE BEER.
3:11 - 3:13
THIS IS YOUR V.A.P. CARD.
3:13 - 3:16
IT DESIGNATES YOU AS A VERY ALAMO PERSON.
3:16 - 3:20
IT GETS YOU INTO ALL THE RESTRICTED, EMPLOYEE-ONLY AREAS OF ALAMO.
3:27 - 3:31
THIS WILL BE YOUR DESK. WELCOME TO THE ALAMO FAMILY.
3:31 - 3:34
WELL, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY, BUT WHAT THE HELL.
3:34 - 3:36
NO, PEGGY.
3:36 - 3:38
THIS IS YOUR BOX OF ALA-MEMENTOS.
3:38 - 3:41
ALAMO MUG, ALAMO HAT, ALAMO KEY CHAIN,
3:41 - 3:44
AND A "DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE" T-SHIRT.
3:44 - 3:47
ARE THESE ITEMS AVAILABLE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC?
3:47 - 3:48
NOPE.
3:48 - 3:50
THEN I WILL TREASURE THEM.
3:50 - 3:51
[GROANING]
3:51 - 3:53
(DALE) BILL, YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION.
3:53 - 3:57
WE GOT RED LAGER, PALE ALE, AMBER NUT, HONEY BEE--
3:57 - 3:58
I DON'T KNOW.
3:58 - 4:00
I'M TOO OLD TO LEARN ALL THIS STUFF.
4:00 - 4:01
GUYS, GUYS, GREAT NEWS.
4:01 - 4:03
PEGGY GOT A JOB AT ALAMO.
4:03 - 4:06
SHE'LL FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON WITH OUR BEER.
4:06 - 4:08
[CHEERING]
4:08 - 4:11
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON WITH OUR BEER.
4:11 - 4:14
THEY'VE SOLD IT TO THE JAPANESE, WHO WILL CHANGE THE FORMULA
4:14 - 4:16
AND REPACKAGE IT IN SQUARE BOTTLES
4:16 - 4:19
THAT WILL ONLY FIT CUP-HOLDERS IN JAPANESE CARS.
4:19 - 4:22
CHANGING THE FORMULA? I DON'T LIKE CHANGE.
4:22 - 4:23
NOW, JUST CALM DOWN.
4:23 - 4:25
THE BOND BETWEEN A BEER COMPANY
4:25 - 4:27
AND ITS LOYAL DRINKERS IS SACRED.
4:27 - 4:29
THERE'S NO WAY THEY'D TAMPER WITH SOMETHING
4:29 - 4:32
THAT WON THE MUNICH BEER FESTIVAL OF 1849.
4:33 - 4:36
PEGGY WILL BE HOME ANY MINUTE, AND THEN WE'LL KNOW.
4:37 - 4:39
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
4:41 - 4:43
YOU KNOW, THERESA, THIS ALAMO MUG
4:43 - 4:46
AND ALAMO HAT AND ALAMO KEY CHAIN GET ME TO THINKING.
4:46 - 4:49
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL THE ALAMO BEER?
4:49 - 4:51
OH, I'D BE HAPPY TO TELL YOU.
4:51 - 4:54
BUT FIRST I'M GONNA NEED YOUR JANE HANCOCK ON THIS.
4:54 - 4:56
"NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT."
4:56 - 4:58
NOW THAT YOU'RE PART OF THE ALAMO FAMILY,
4:58 - 5:01
YOU'RE GOING TO BE TRUSTED WITH SOME OF THE FAMILY SECRETS.
5:02 - 5:06
WE NEED TO KNOW THAT THOSE SECRETS WILL STAY IN THE FAMILY.
5:06 - 5:08
I HAVE NEVER HAD A PROBLEM KEEPING A SECRET.
5:08 - 5:11
ASK ANY OF THE GAY TEACHERS I'VE WORKED WITH, WHICH YOU COULDN'T,
5:11 - 5:14
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT TELL YOU WHO THEY WERE.
5:16 - 5:17
SO, WHAT'S THE SKINNY?
5:18 - 5:19
WELL...
5:20 - 5:21
[CAR HORN HONKING]
5:21 - 5:22
[EXCLAIMS]
5:22 - 5:25
HEY! ALL RIGHT!
5:25 - 5:28
COME ON, GUYS. GET AWAY FROM THE CAR.
5:28 - 5:31
ALAMO EMPLOYEE COMING THROUGH.
5:31 - 5:34
GENTLEMEN, THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED.
5:34 - 5:36
WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT? PLEASE, PEGGY.
5:36 - 5:39
UNFORTUNATELY, THAT IS ALL I CAN TELL YOU.
5:39 - 5:40
WHAT? WHY?
5:40 - 5:43
AS A NEW MEMBER OF THE ALAMO FAMILY,
5:43 - 5:45
I SIGNED A NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT,
5:45 - 5:48
WHICH MEANS THAT WHILE I AM PRIVY TO COMPANY SECRETS,
5:48 - 5:50
I CANNOT REVEAL THEM.
5:52 - 5:55
DON'T WORRY. I'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.
5:55 - 5:58
SO, I WAS THINKING, UM,
5:58 - 6:01
YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?
6:01 - 6:02
YOU KNOW I CANNOT.
6:05 - 6:06
SURE YOU CAN.
6:11 - 6:12
I AM SORRY, HANK.
6:12 - 6:15
ALAMO TRUSTS ME NOT TO TELL YOU THEIR SECRETS.
6:15 - 6:18
JUST AS YOU TRUST ME NOT TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR NARROW URETHRA.
6:18 - 6:21
AND BELIEVE ME, I HAD THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY.
6:21 - 6:22
[SIGHS]
6:24 - 6:26
I'LL GET OUT THE FOOT LOTION.
6:26 - 6:27
OH, STOP BEGGING.
6:27 - 6:28
COME ON.
6:28 - 6:30
YOU HAVE A TEMP JOB ONE DAY
6:30 - 6:33
AND IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN A 20-YEAR MARRIAGE?
6:33 - 6:35
WHAT ABOUT NO SECRETS, HUH?
6:35 - 6:36
"TILL DEATH DO US PART"?
6:36 - 6:39
THINK ABOUT THAT, PEGGY. DEATH.
6:39 - 6:41
[SIGHS]
6:41 - 6:44
OK, BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYONE.
6:44 - 6:45
I PROMISE, I PROMISE.
6:45 - 6:47
SERIOUSLY. YOU CAN'T TELL THE GUYS.
6:47 - 6:49
I COULD LOSE MY JOB FOR TELLING JUST YOU.
6:49 - 6:53
AND I ALREADY HAVE 23 CENTS IN MY PENSION PLAN.
6:53 - 6:54
[SIGHING]
6:54 - 6:56
THEY ARE NOT CHANGING THE FORMULA.
6:56 - 6:58
THEY ARE TRYING TO SELL MORE BEER IN MEXICO.
6:58 - 7:01
SO THEY SENT ALL OF LAST MONTH'S PRODUCTION RUN DOWN THERE.
7:02 - 7:03
BUT NOT TO WORRY.
7:03 - 7:06
ALAMO BEER WILL BE BACK ON THE SHELVES IN 5 DAYS.
7:06 - 7:08
OH, PEGGY, THAT'S GREAT NEWS.
7:08 - 7:10
THE GUYS AND I CAN PROBABLY GET TO MEXICO--
7:10 - 7:14
NO, HANK! YOU CAN'T TELL THE GUYS AND YOU CAN'T GO TO MEXICO!
7:14 - 7:16
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
7:16 - 7:18
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM DREAMING ABOUT IT.
7:18 - 7:20
DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO.
7:22 - 7:24
DID SHE TELL YOU, HANK? TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME.
7:24 - 7:26
I'LL HOLD MY BREATH IF YOU DON'T TELL ME.
7:26 - 7:28
[INHALING]
7:28 - 7:30
HE'LL PASS OUT BEFORE HE DIES.
7:30 - 7:31
HE ALWAYS DOES.
7:31 - 7:35
SORRY, GUYS. I PROMISED PEGGY I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
7:35 - 7:39
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HANK WOULD PUT SOME FLASH-IN-THE-PAN WIFE
7:39 - 7:41
BEFORE 30 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP?
7:41 - 7:43
YEAH, MAN. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT NO SECRETS, MAN.
7:43 - 7:45
THIS IS JUST LIKE WHEN WE WERE KIDS, MAN.
7:45 - 7:48
OLD SKINNED KNEES, YOU KNOW, FIRST CRUSHES, MAN.
7:48 - 7:52
LEMONADE STAND, LITTLE OLD TREE HOUSE, AND THE...
7:52 - 7:53
[SIGHING]
7:53 - 7:54
[BILL THUDDING]
7:54 - 7:56
MAN, IF YOU CAN'T TRUST NO PEOPLE IN THIS ALLEY, MAN,
7:56 - 7:59
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE ALIVE, MAN.
7:59 - 8:01
YOU AND YOUR GUILT TRIPS, BOOMHAUER.
8:01 - 8:05
BUT, I PROMISED PEGGY I WOULDN'T TELL,
8:05 - 8:07
SO DON'T GIVE ME THOSE BASSET-HOUND EYES.
8:11 - 8:13
AFTER EVERY CALL,
8:13 - 8:15
WRITE DOWN WHERE THEY CALLED FROM AND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
8:15 - 8:19
IF THERE'S EVER A CALLER YOU CAN'T HANDLE, JUST PRESS THIS BUTTON.
8:19 - 8:20
THAT WILL HANG UP ON THEM.
8:22 - 8:25
HOLA. ALAMO BEER. QUE ES SU PROBLEMA?
8:25 - 8:26
MMM-HMM.
8:27 - 8:28
VOMITANDO.
8:28 - 8:30
[EXCLAIMS] VOMITANDO?
8:30 - 8:32
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
8:34 - 8:36
[MAN CHATTERING]
8:37 - 8:39
[WOMAN CHATTERING IN SPANISH]
8:39 - 8:44
SI, EL VOMITO, LA DIARRHEA, LA NAUSEA.
8:44 - 8:48
WHAT IN CARMEN SANDIEGO IS GOING ON IN MEXICO?
8:48 - 8:49
(BOOMHAUER) YEAH, MAN,
8:49 - 8:51
YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE YOU SAID IN MY YEARBOOK, MAN,
8:51 - 8:53
"WE'RE GONNA BE DANG OLD FRIENDS FOR LIFE," MAN.
8:53 - 8:57
"GOOD LUCK. GOOD LUCK THIS SUMMER." AND YOU SAID, YOU'D DANG--
8:57 - 8:59
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I GIVE.
8:59 - 9:02
BUT YOU GUYS CAN'T TELL ANYONE.
9:02 - 9:04
YOU GOT IT. NO ONE TO TELL.
9:06 - 9:10
THEY'RE TEMPORARILY DIVERTING BEER DOWN TO MEXICO.
9:10 - 9:13
ALAMO WILL BE BACK ON THE SHELVES IN 5 DAYS.
9:13 - 9:16
5 DAYS. WE CAN WAIT THAT LONG.
9:16 - 9:18
EASY.
9:22 - 9:24
LET'S GO TO MEXICO! YEAH, MAN!
9:24 - 9:26
LET'S GO DOWN TO THAT DANG OLD MEXICO, MAN.
9:26 - 9:27
SHH.
9:27 - 9:28
I GOT SHOTGUN.
9:28 - 9:29
YEAH!
9:35 - 9:37
THERESA, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD SEE HERE.
9:37 - 9:42
LOOK. "VOMITING, DIARRHEA, NAUSEA. VOMITING, DIARRHEA, NAUSEA."
9:42 - 9:44
ALL OF THESE CALLS WERE FROM MEXICANS.
9:44 - 9:47
NOW, THEIR SPANISH WASN'T GREAT, BUT I WAS ABLE TO GATHER
9:47 - 9:50
THAT THEY GOT SICK AFTER DRINKING ALAMO.
9:50 - 9:52
THANKS FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION.
9:52 - 9:54
THAT SHOWS INCREDIBLE INITIATIVE.
9:54 - 9:58
HERE. YOU'VE EARNED AN "ALAMO CAN DO" PIN.
9:58 - 10:00
COLLECT 5 OF THESE AND YOU GET A MINI FLASHLIGHT.
10:00 - 10:03
A FLASHLIGHT? WOW!
10:03 - 10:06
I WILL THINK OF YOU EVERY TIME SOMETHING FALLS BEHIND THE COUCH.
10:06 - 10:08
OH. AND ABOUT THE VOMITING?
10:08 - 10:09
RIGHT.
10:09 - 10:12
IT SEEMS THAT A TINY BIT OF SOAP
10:12 - 10:13
GOT INTO SOME OF THE MACHINERY
10:13 - 10:16
DURING THE PRODUCTION RUN WE SENT TO MEXICO.
10:16 - 10:18
IT'S OUR FAULT FOR WANTING TO GIVE PEOPLE
10:18 - 10:20
THE CLEANEST BEER THEY CAN BUY.
10:20 - 10:23
BUT REST ASSURED, NO ONE IS IN ANY REAL DANGER.
10:23 - 10:24
OH, THANK GOODNESS.
10:24 - 10:26
SO I CAN JUST TELL THE CALLERS THAT THE SOAP--
10:26 - 10:27
NO!
10:27 - 10:30
OUR CORPORATE AFFAIRS DEPARTMENT IS WORKING 24/7
10:30 - 10:33
TO DETERMINE THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE THE RECALL ANNOUNCEMENTS.
10:33 - 10:35
SO, FOR THE TIME BEING...
10:35 - 10:36
SHH.
10:41 - 10:43
I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND RACIST,
10:43 - 10:47
BUT THIS IS BY FAR THE BEST SELECTION OF BEANS I HAVE EVER SEEN.
10:47 - 10:48
I'M SERIOUS.
10:48 - 10:50
[EXCLAIMS] TACOS! CAN I BUY ONE?
10:50 - 10:51
NO.
10:51 - 10:53
HOW ABOUT SOME PIGS' FEET? THEY LOOK CLEAN.
10:53 - 10:56
NO. NO FOOD. YOU'RE GONNA GET SICK.
10:56 - 10:59
AND THIS ISN'T SOME 2-MILE RIDE HOME FROM A PIE-EATING CONTEST.
11:00 - 11:01
HOW ABOUT A BANANA?
11:01 - 11:02
IT COMES IN ITS OWN WRAPPER.
11:02 - 11:04
FINE.
11:04 - 11:09
POR FAVOR, CERVEZAS ALAMO?
11:13 - 11:14
WOW!
11:17 - 11:18
[ROOSTER CROWING]
11:19 - 11:21
YUP.
11:21 - 11:22
YUP. YUP.
11:22 - 11:24
ONE BEER'S NOT GONNA HURT MY DRIVING.
11:24 - 11:26
LOOK HOW FAT I AM.
11:26 - 11:27
SORRY, BILL. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
11:28 - 11:31
FOR HAVING A MOUTHFUL OF BANANA WHEN WE ALL SAID "NOT IT."
11:34 - 11:36
(HANK) DANG THOSE BANANAS.
11:36 - 11:38
(DALE) STEP ON IT, BILL.
11:38 - 11:40
I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY IT'S COMING OUT, BUT IT'S COMING OUT.
11:43 - 11:44
[GROANING]
11:52 - 11:53
[GROANING]
11:58 - 11:59
(ELECTRONIC VOICE) STAGE ONE COMPLETE.
12:03 - 12:04
FINALLY.
12:06 - 12:07
YUP.
12:09 - 12:11
SO HOW WAS EVERYONE'S DAY?
12:12 - 12:13
PRETTY BORING.
12:13 - 12:14
[GROANS]
12:14 - 12:18
YOU KNOW, WATCHED SOME... OH, GOD.
12:20 - 12:24
I HAD AN INTERESTING ENCOUNTER WITH A MOSQUITO TODAY.
12:24 - 12:25
WAIT, LET ME BACK UP.
12:25 - 12:27
IT WAS LUNCHTIME AND...
12:27 - 12:31
THEN I SAID TO THE NURSE, "NO, I'M NOT SURE IT WAS A MOSQUITO,
12:31 - 12:36
BUT IT WAS SOME SORT OF BUG THAT BIT ME AND NOW I ITCH."
12:36 - 12:39
LONG STORY SHORT, CALAMINE LOTION.
12:41 - 12:43
HANK, WHY AREN'T YOU EATING?
12:44 - 12:45
I'M SAVORING IT
12:46 - 12:47
AND GOING TO THE BATHROOM.
12:47 - 12:49
THE 2 ARE NOT RELATED.
12:50 - 12:51
[GROANS]
12:54 - 12:55
[HANK GROANING]
12:55 - 12:56
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
12:56 - 12:58
(HANK) JUST HAD TO
12:58 - 12:59
[HANK FARTING]
13:01 - 13:02
COMB.
13:02 - 13:05
HONEY, ARE YOU SICK?
13:05 - 13:07
YEAH. ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT IT.
13:07 - 13:11
I GOT THIS DIARRHEA AND VOMITING.
13:12 - 13:15
HANK, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME OVER YOUR OWN NOISES,
13:15 - 13:18
WHERE DID YOU GO TODAY?
13:18 - 13:20
I WENT WITH THE GUYS DOWN TO MEXICO.
13:20 - 13:22
YOU WENT TO MEXICO?
13:25 - 13:26
[GASPING]
13:28 - 13:30
[GRUNTS]
13:30 - 13:33
MY BEER. PEGGY, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?
13:33 - 13:35
OH, SO NOW I'M INSANE?
13:35 - 13:37
YOU BROKE A PROMISE TO ME.
13:37 - 13:40
A PROMISE YOU MADE IN THE BED WHERE I CONCEIVED OUR SON.
13:40 - 13:42
THAT IS INSANE.
13:43 - 13:47
OK, I'M SORRY I BLABBED TO THE GUYS.
13:47 - 13:48
BUT THE BEER IS ALREADY HERE.
13:48 - 13:51
THERE'S NO SENSE IN POURING IT DOWN THE DRAIN AND BACK TO MEXICO.
13:51 - 13:53
HANK, YOU CANNOT DRINK IT.
13:53 - 13:54
WHY THE HELL NOT?
13:54 - 13:58
I GOT DIARRHEA FROM MEXICAN BANANAS TRYING TO GET THIS ALAMO.
13:59 - 14:00
YOU'RE JUST PUNISHING ME
14:00 - 14:02
BECAUSE I TOLD THE GUYS THE BEER WAS DOWN THERE.
14:02 - 14:04
IT IS NOT THAT.
14:04 - 14:08
YOU ARE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST ME MORE THAN I CAN TRUST YOU.
14:08 - 14:11
I WISH I COULD SAY MORE BUT I CANNOT.
14:11 - 14:14
THIS TINY FLASHLIGHT SYMBOLIZES THE HUGE AMOUNT OF TRUST
14:15 - 14:16
THAT ALAMO HAS PLACED IN ME.
14:16 - 14:20
MY GOD! YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR STUPID CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT
14:20 - 14:22
THAN YOUR OWN HUSBAND.
14:22 - 14:24
AND YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR BEER
14:24 - 14:27
THAN YOU DO ABOUT MY STUPID CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.
14:27 - 14:29
BESIDES, IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
14:29 - 14:31
FOR MY OWN...
14:31 - 14:33
WHAT AM I, SOME KIND OF BABY?
14:33 - 14:35
WELL, BABY WANTS A BEER.
14:36 - 14:39
FINE, HANK, DRINK UP.
14:39 - 14:42
WHERE DOES PEGGY GET OFF BEING SO MAD AT ME?
14:42 - 14:45
YES, I BROKE HER CONFIDENCE AND LIED ABOUT IT,
14:45 - 14:49
BUT SHE, WELL, SHE...
14:49 - 14:52
SHE'S STILL KEEPING SOMETHING FROM ME.
14:52 - 14:54
EXACTLY, HANK. SHE...
14:54 - 14:56
[VOMITING]
14:56 - 14:58
DAMN THAT FILTHY MEXICAN BANANA!
14:58 - 15:00
DON'T BLAME THE BANANAS.
15:00 - 15:03
I ATE MORE THAN ANYONE, PEELS INCLUDED.
15:03 - 15:06
AND I DIDN'T GET SICK UNTIL HOURS AFTER YOU GUYS DID.
15:06 - 15:10
WE HAD BANANAS AND BEER. WE CAME HOME.
15:10 - 15:12
WHAT ELSE COULD HAVE MADE US SICK?
15:12 - 15:15
OH, MY GOD, THE BEER!
15:16 - 15:18
AND PEGGY KNEW.
15:18 - 15:19
[BILL FARTING]
15:22 - 15:23
HELLO, PEGGY. OH!
15:23 - 15:25
OH, HI, HANK.
15:25 - 15:28
YOU REMEMBER THAT OLD ALAMO BEER COMMERCIAL?
15:28 - 15:30
THE ONE WHERE THE FATHER AND SON
15:30 - 15:32
HAVE A FIGHT OVER WHO DENTED THE CAR,
15:32 - 15:34
AND THEN THEY MAKE UP OVER A COLD ALAMO?
15:34 - 15:37
WELL, PEGGY, I DENTED YOUR TRUST.
15:37 - 15:39
AND I WANT TO MAKE UP.
15:40 - 15:44
WELL, THAT'S OK, HANK. I FORGIVE YOU.
15:44 - 15:48
PLEASE, AFTER WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU, YOU DESERVE IT.
15:50 - 15:54
UNLESS THERE'S A REASON YOU DON'T WANT TO DRINK IT.
15:54 - 15:56
THERE'S NO... I CAN'T THINK OF A...
15:56 - 15:58
[PEGGY TITTERING]
16:14 - 16:16
[PEGGY GROANING]
16:21 - 16:25
MY WIFE LIES TO ME, MY BEER COMPANY BETRAYS ME,
16:25 - 16:28
AMERICANS ARE GIVING MEXICANS DIARRHEA.
16:28 - 16:31
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?
16:33 - 16:38
THIS IS JUST A STOMACH FLU, WHICH YOU GAVE ME. THANKS A LOT, HANK.
16:38 - 16:42
WHERE ARE YOU GOING, TO PUT SOME LAXATIVE IN BOBBY'S COCOA PUFFS?
16:42 - 16:45
I AM OFF TO WORK WHERE I CAN VOMIT WITHOUT BEING ACCUSED.
16:48 - 16:50
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE RECALL ANNOUNCEMENT?
16:50 - 16:52
I HAVE SEEN NOTHING ABOUT IT
16:52 - 16:54
IN THE BEVERAGE TRADE MAGAZINES IN THE LADIES' ROOM.
16:54 - 16:56
IT TURNS OUT, ACCORDING TO MEXICAN LAW
16:56 - 17:00
THE MARKET THAT SOLD TAINTED BEER COULD BE HELD RESPONSIBLE.
17:00 - 17:02
AND IF THOSE MARKETS ARE SHUT DOWN,
17:02 - 17:05
WHERE WILL THE PEOPLE OF MEXICO BUY FOOD FOR THEIR CHILDREN?
17:05 - 17:07
ALAMO IS AGAINST CHILD STARVATION, PEGGY.
17:08 - 17:10
WE ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. HOW ABOUT YOU?
17:10 - 17:11
WELL, OF COURSE.
17:11 - 17:14
BUT I'M ALSO AGAINST PEOPLE WITH DIARRHEA.
17:14 - 17:16
ISN'T THERE ANY WAY TO WARN THEM?
17:16 - 17:18
OH, PEGGY. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
17:18 - 17:22
THAT'S WHY I MARRIED SOMEONE IN THE COMPANY, A BARLEY MAN.
17:28 - 17:32
HOLA. ALAMO BEER. SI.
17:32 - 17:35
SI, EL VOMITO. SI, SI, LA DIARRHEA.
17:40 - 17:41
[SIGHS]
17:41 - 17:46
EXCUSE ME, I DEMAND TO SEE MR. MEINHOFFER IV.
17:46 - 17:48
I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT--
17:48 - 17:50
I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO DO YOUR JOB,
17:50 - 17:54
BUT THERE IS NO WAY YOU WERE TRAINED TO DEAL WITH A CUSTOMER
17:54 - 17:56
AS DISSATISFIED AS I AM.
17:56 - 17:59
I WANT TO OPEN THE BOARD MEETING TOMORROW WITH A JOKE.
17:59 - 18:01
NOT TO TIE YOUR HANDS, BUT MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT A GIRAFFE?
18:01 - 18:03
MR. MEINHOFFER IV?
18:03 - 18:06
I'M HANK HILL, STRICKLAND PROPANE.
18:06 - 18:10
FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS, ALAMO HAS BEEN A PART OF MY FAMILY,
18:10 - 18:13
LIKE A FAVORITE UNCLE WHO LIVES IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
18:13 - 18:18
BUT YOU KNOWINGLY SOLD TAINTED BEER TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF MEXICO.
18:18 - 18:20
THAT IS NOT A CRIME, BUT IT SHOULD BE.
18:20 - 18:22
NOW, I WOULD LIKE AN APOLOGY.
18:22 - 18:27
MR. STRICKLAND, ALAMO BEER IS NOT YOUR UNCLE. WE ARE NOT YOUR FAMILY.
18:27 - 18:30
WE ARE A DELAWARE LIMITED LIABILITY CORPORATION,
18:30 - 18:32
AND THE BEER WE SELL IN MEXICO
18:32 - 18:34
IS AS PURE AS THE BEER WE SELL IN AMERICA.
18:34 - 18:36
WHAT? HE'S LYING.
18:36 - 18:38
SO UNLESS YOU ARE ONE OF OUR SHAREHOLDERS,
18:38 - 18:42
WE DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY AN APOLOGY.
18:42 - 18:44
WE WILL NOT STAND BY
18:44 - 18:47
WHILE YOU LIBEL OUR PRODUCT WITH YOUR BASELESS ACCUSATIONS.
18:47 - 18:50
NOW, I AM NOT A LITIGIOUS MAN.
18:50 - 18:52
THAT'S WHY I HAVE LAWYERS.
18:52 - 18:53
ARE YOU THREATENING ME?
18:53 - 18:55
I DON'T THREATEN PEOPLE.
18:55 - 18:58
THAT'S WHY I HAVE SECURITY GUARDS.
18:58 - 19:00
YOU'RE KICKING ME OUT? OK, FINE.
19:00 - 19:03
I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF MY REFRIGERATOR.
19:06 - 19:09
BOBBY, PUT DOWN THAT TAINTED BEER.
19:09 - 19:11
I WAS HOPING IT WOULD NOT HAVE TO COME TO THIS,
19:11 - 19:14
BUT, IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE TO TAKE DOWN THE SYSTEM.
19:30 - 19:32
PAYCHECKS COMING THROUGH.
19:32 - 19:34
THANK GOD IT'S ALAMOST FRIDAY, HUH?
19:34 - 19:35
YEAH.
19:59 - 20:00
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
20:07 - 20:11
SO, THE FREAKING GIRAFFE ORDERS A BEER AND THE BARTENDER SAYS,
20:11 - 20:13
"YOU WANT A LONG NECK?" AND THE GIRAFFE GOES
20:13 - 20:15
"I HAVE A CHOICE?"
20:15 - 20:16
[MEN LAUGHING]
20:29 - 20:32
[MEN VOMITING]
20:32 - 20:34
(MEINHOFFER) THIS BEER'S FRESH OFF THE LINE.
20:34 - 20:35
WE'VE ALREADY SHIPPED IT ALL OVER TEXAS.
20:36 - 20:37
OH, GOD!
20:37 - 20:38
[MAN COUGHING]
20:38 - 20:40
[TOILET FLUSHING]
20:40 - 20:45
HI, I'M CONRAD MEINHOFFER IV, CEO OF ALAMO BREWING COMPANY.
20:45 - 20:46
KIDS, RUN ALONG AND PLAY.
20:46 - 20:48
DADDY NEEDS TO TALK TO HIS FRIENDS.
20:48 - 20:51
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOME OF OUR FINE PRODUCT
20:51 - 20:53
WAS WELL BELOW BAVARIAN PURITY STANDARDS,
20:54 - 20:56
AND I LET IT GET TO YOU ANYWAY.
20:56 - 20:59
AS OF TODAY, I AM ORDERING A COMPLETE RECALL OF ALL THE ALAMO BEER
20:59 - 21:02
IN BOTH MEXICO AND THE UNITED STATES.
21:02 - 21:06
IF WE'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET YOUR BUSINESS BACK, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
21:06 - 21:08
BECAUSE WE'RE NOT JUST A COMPANY,
21:08 - 21:10
WE'RE A FAMILY AND WE'RE SORRY.
21:16 - 21:19
THERE. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THAT WAS SO HARD.
21:19 - 21:22
BUT WHY COULDN'T HE JUST APOLOGIZE TO MY FACE?
21:22 - 21:25
WELL, SOMETIMES, WHEN PEOPLE ARE CONFRONTED WITH THEIR MISTAKES
21:25 - 21:29
THEY'RE TOO EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT THEY'RE WRONG.
21:29 - 21:32
ESPECIALLY PROUD PEOPLE, YOUR SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMEN,
21:32 - 21:36
YOUR EDUCATORS, YOUR SUBSTITUTE EDUCATORS.
21:37 - 21:38
I'M SORRY, HANK.
21:38 - 21:41
NO, PEGGY, I'M SORRY.
21:41 - 21:44
HEY, LOOK. THERE'S HOPS, THE DOG.
21:44 - 21:47
(PEGGY) ACTUALLY, THE REAL HOPS DIED 5 YEARS AGO.
21:47 - 21:50
IT'S ONE OF THE COMPANY SECRETS. PASS IT ON.
22:28 - 22:31
(BOOMHAUER) LEMONADE STANDS, OLD LITTLE TREE HOUSE.