S05E20 - Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl A Love Story
0:01 - 0:03
[GROANING]
0:03 - 0:05
HANK, CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM? NO.
0:05 - 0:07
BUT I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF MY HOUSE.
0:07 - 0:09
NO.
0:09 - 0:11
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE TO CALL A LOCKSMITH?
0:11 - 0:15
IF I LET YOU USE THE PHONE, YOU'LL SNEAK IN AND USE THE TOILET.
0:15 - 0:19
LOOK, I'D PREFER IT IF NO ONE EVER HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM.
0:19 - 0:22
BUT UNTIL THAT DAY, LET'S JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT
0:22 - 0:24
AND RESPECT ONE ANOTHER'S PRIVACY.
0:24 - 0:27
FROM THE LUKEWARM HEADWATERS
0:27 - 0:29
OF THE MIGHTY BRAZOS RIVER--
0:29 - 0:31
[GRUNTING] STOP IT! STOP IT!
0:32 - 0:33
[GROANING]
0:35 - 0:38
WELL, IT IS HIS COOLER.
0:41 - 0:42
[POPPING CAN OPEN]
1:08 - 1:10
OK, I'M PUTTING YOU IN CHARGE
1:10 - 1:13
OF BUYING OUR PROM TICKETS AT LUNCH TOMORROW.
1:13 - 1:16
I HAVE TO BREAK IT TO KIM AND DOOLEY THEY'RE OUT OF THE LIMO.
1:16 - 1:17
ARE YOU LISTENING, BOBBY?
1:17 - 1:19
[TIRES SKIDDING] YEAH.
1:19 - 1:20
COME ON.
1:20 - 1:22
WE CAN'T CUT THROUGH THE HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT.
1:22 - 1:25
WE'RE MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS. THEY HATE US.
1:25 - 1:27
HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS ARE FAR TOO BUSY WITH THEIR STUDIES
1:27 - 1:31
TO CARE ABOUT US RIDING THROUGH THEIR PARKING LOT.
1:31 - 1:33
CONNIE, COME BACK!
1:33 - 1:36
OH! YOU ARE FORCING ME TO PROTECT YOU.
1:45 - 1:46
OH.
1:46 - 1:48
HEY, SHORTY. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
1:48 - 1:50
WE DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE, GENTLEMEN.
1:50 - 1:53
W-WE'RE NOT LETTING YOU PASS UNTIL YOU GIVE US A LITTLE SONG.
1:53 - 1:54
THIS IS CRAZY.
1:54 - 1:56
JUST BECAUSE WE GO TO MIDDLE SCHOOL--
1:56 - 2:00
♪ IF YOU WANT TO BE MY LOVER, YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
2:00 - 2:01
CONNIE, GO!
2:01 - 2:02
WHAT? HEY!
2:03 - 2:04
(BOY) GET HIM.
2:04 - 2:07
[GRUNTING]
2:08 - 2:10
[PANTING]
2:15 - 2:16
[CAR TIRES SKIDDING]
2:16 - 2:18
[GASPING]
2:18 - 2:19
OOH. UH-OH.
2:20 - 2:21
[CAR BRAKES SQUEALING]
2:21 - 2:22
[GASPING]
2:22 - 2:23
OH.
2:23 - 2:24
[BOTH SCREAMING]
2:25 - 2:26
[TIRES SKIDDING]
2:26 - 2:28
(BOY #1) I'M GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.
2:28 - 2:29
OH.
2:31 - 2:32
[GRUNTING]
2:32 - 2:33
[BOTH LAUGHING]
2:33 - 2:36
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA HELP, BE QUIET.
2:36 - 2:37
[PANTING]
2:41 - 2:42
OH, MAN!
2:42 - 2:44
(BOY #2) DUDE, THERE HE IS.
2:44 - 2:46
[GASPING]
2:51 - 2:52
YUP.
2:53 - 2:54
YUP.
2:55 - 2:56
MMM-HMM.
2:56 - 2:58
WHAT THE HECK?
2:59 - 3:00
[METAL CLANKING]
3:00 - 3:01
[TRUCK DOOR CLOSING]
3:01 - 3:03
YOU KNOW, HANK, YOUR SELFISH REFUSAL
3:03 - 3:08
TO LET BILL USE YOUR BATHROOM GOT ME THINKING.
3:08 - 3:11
I PLAN ON CREATING AND THEN CORNERING
3:11 - 3:13
THE PREMIUM PORT-A-POTTY MARKET.
3:13 - 3:16
IT'LL BE THE BEST DOLLAR A PERSON COULD SPEND.
3:16 - 3:19
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO PAY GOOD MONEY TO USE
3:19 - 3:22
A STINKY PORTABLE...WASHROOM.
3:22 - 3:23
STINKY?
3:23 - 3:26
WITH THE FINEST LOTIONS, THE SOFTEST TISSUES,
3:26 - 3:28
AND THE MOST PLEASING LIGHTING DESIGN,
3:28 - 3:33
THE PORT-A-GRIBBLE WILL BE A 4-BY-5-BY-8-FOOT SLICE OF PARADISE.
3:33 - 3:35
FINALLY A VACATION I CAN AFFORD.
3:35 - 3:38
N-N-NOT--NOT SO FAST.
3:38 - 3:39
A DOLLAR BUYS THE KEY.
3:39 - 3:41
THAT'S THE FRIEND PRICE.
3:44 - 3:45
THANK YOU.
3:51 - 3:52
(BILL) OH!
3:52 - 3:55
I FEEL LIKE I'M A MILLIONAIRE CONSTRUCTION WORKER.
3:55 - 3:57
DAA...
3:57 - 3:59
[EXCLAIMING]
3:59 - 4:00
WHAT THE...
4:00 - 4:02
[LAUGHING] OH, MAN, LOOK AT HIM RUNNING AROUND
4:02 - 4:03
WITH THAT FLABBY LITTLE...
4:03 - 4:05
(BILL) WHAT? WHAT DID I MISS?
4:05 - 4:07
HANK, WE ARE GETTING HIS BIKE RIGHT NOW.
4:07 - 4:10
IF WE MOVE FAST, MAYBE WE CAN STILL FIND HIS PANTS.
4:10 - 4:12
PEGGY, IF WE GET HIS BIKE NOW,
4:12 - 4:15
WE'LL BE GETTING IT FOR HIM UNTIL HE'S 16.
4:15 - 4:16
THEN WE'LL BE GETTING HIS TRUCK.
4:17 - 4:18
IT'S KIND OF A TRADITION FOR HIGH-SCHOOLERS
4:19 - 4:21
TO PICK ON THE YOUNG AND THE WEAK.
4:21 - 4:22
NO OFFENSE, SON.
4:22 - 4:25
ALL RIGHT. I'LL GO GET THE BIKE.
4:25 - 4:28
JUST MAKE SURE YOU VIDEOTAPE MY CHEF PROGRAMS
4:28 - 4:30
WHILE I'M IN THE COMA.
4:33 - 4:34
[PEGGY GRUNTING]
4:34 - 4:36
DON'T BE A HERO.
4:36 - 4:39
CURL UP IN A BALL AND CRY IF YOU HAVE TO.
4:39 - 4:40
[SIGHING]
4:40 - 4:41
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
4:41 - 4:43
LISTEN, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
4:43 - 4:45
PROMISE ME YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF CONNIE.
4:45 - 4:48
MAKE SURE SHE GOES TO THE PROM.
4:48 - 4:50
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO HER.
4:51 - 4:52
ME AND CONNIE AT THE PROM?
4:54 - 4:55
WOW!
4:55 - 4:57
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.
5:00 - 5:01
BOBBY?
5:01 - 5:03
TOM LANDRY MIDDLE SCHOOL RULES.
5:03 - 5:05
T.L.M.S.R.
5:07 - 5:08
[GASPING]
5:09 - 5:11
[GRUNTING]
5:11 - 5:12
OH, WHERE'S MY BIKE?
5:12 - 5:16
YEAH. SO BEFORE I KNEW IT, MY ENTIRE BANGS WERE ON FIRE.
5:16 - 5:20
OK. OK. OK. BUT DID HE SAY WHETHER OR NOT HE LIKES ME?
5:20 - 5:21
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
5:22 - 5:23
YEAH.
5:23 - 5:25
OK, LET'S GO, FRESHMAN.
5:25 - 5:27
THAT WAS THE WARNING BELL.
5:27 - 5:28
FRESHMAN? NO.
5:28 - 5:31
NO, SIR. I'M STILL IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
5:31 - 5:33
LOOK, I KNOW IT'S TOUGH IN THERE FOR A FRESHMAN.
5:33 - 5:35
THEY'RE ANIMALS.
5:35 - 5:36
I GOT SOME ADVICE FOR YOU.
5:36 - 5:39
PUFF OUT YOUR CHEST AND WALK LIKE THIS.
5:39 - 5:42
I SAW A GORILLA DO IT ON A NATURE SHOW.
5:42 - 5:44
SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.
5:44 - 5:45
NOW, GO ON.
5:48 - 5:50
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
5:50 - 5:52
[KIDS CHATTERING]
6:06 - 6:09
(GIRL) ...AND THE UTERINE WALL SLOUGHS OFF
6:09 - 6:10
[GASPING]
6:11 - 6:13
[PANTING]
6:14 - 6:15
[SNIFFING]
6:17 - 6:18
MMM.
6:19 - 6:20
[BOBBY EXCLAIMING]
6:20 - 6:23
TACO BUENO IN SCHOOL?
6:23 - 6:26
I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST AN URBAN LEGEND.
6:34 - 6:37
(BOBBY) GODSPELL? THAT WAS BANNED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
6:37 - 6:40
AH. I HAVE ARRIVED.
6:40 - 6:43
I AM SO WASSUP.
6:43 - 6:45
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
6:46 - 6:47
[DOOR OPENING]
6:47 - 6:50
BOBBY! THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE.
6:50 - 6:53
I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE ALIVE IN MY LIFE.
6:53 - 6:55
I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
6:55 - 6:57
IT WAS LIKE I WAS LIVING IN A DREAM.
6:58 - 6:59
BUT IF IT WAS ALL A DREAM,
6:59 - 7:03
HOW DID I GET THIS BURRITO WRAPPER FROM TACO BUENO?
7:03 - 7:04
THAT'S RIGHT.
7:04 - 7:08
TACO BUENO, IN THE FOOD COURT, AT THE HIGH SCHOOL.
7:08 - 7:10
DID THEY HAVE A LANGUAGE LAB?
7:10 - 7:12
DID YOU NOTICE WHAT THE TEACHER-STUDENT RATIO WAS?
7:13 - 7:15
OH! MY MIND IS JUST RACING WITH QUESTIONS.
7:15 - 7:17
I GOTTA GET BACK.
7:17 - 7:20
THE COLONEL'S COOKING UP SOMETHING TASTY FOR LUNCH,
7:20 - 7:23
IN THE FOOD COURT, AT THE HIGH SCHOOL.
7:33 - 7:34
[GASPING]
7:41 - 7:42
[WATER RUNNING]
7:42 - 7:43
HA.
7:43 - 7:45
HEY, FRESH MEAT, THIS IS THE SENIOR BATHROOM.
7:45 - 7:47
I'M GONNA SHOVE YOUR HEAD IN THE TOILET.
7:47 - 7:50
[BOBBY SCREAMING] PUT ME DOWN. MY GROWTH IS STUNTED.
7:50 - 7:54
MY KIDNEYS ARE BROKEN. I'M REALLY A SENIOR.
7:54 - 7:56
LIKE THAT KID ON THAT OLD T.V. SHOW?
7:56 - 7:59
YES, EXACTLY LIKE THAT KID ON THAT OLD T.V. SHOW.
8:00 - 8:01
NOW, PUT ME DOWN.
8:02 - 8:04
YOU KNOW, YOU DO LOOK KIND OF FAMILIAR.
8:04 - 8:07
DIDN'T WE SEE YOU AT CONKLIN'S PARTY?
8:07 - 8:09
ANYBODY WHO SAYS THEY REMEMBER THAT PARTY
8:09 - 8:11
WASN'T REALLY THERE.
8:11 - 8:12
OH, DUDE.
8:12 - 8:14
(ALL) DUDE.
8:14 - 8:15
[BEEPING]
8:15 - 8:17
[KIDS CHATTERING]
8:17 - 8:20
OK. SO, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THE "NO DOUBT" POSTERS?
8:21 - 8:23
HEY, WAIT. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WENT TO SCHOOL HERE.
8:23 - 8:24
I DO.
8:24 - 8:28
UM, BUT I'VE BEEN IN DIALYSIS THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS.
8:28 - 8:31
LEFTY SHUT DOWN AND I JUST GOT HIM WORKING AGAIN.
8:31 - 8:33
WHOA, SUCKS FOR YOU.
8:33 - 8:36
WELL, ANYWAY, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIG RADIO CONTEST
8:36 - 8:38
WITH, LIKE, EVERY HIGH SCHOOL IN TEXAS.
8:40 - 8:42
IF WE WIN, NO DOUBT'S GONNA PLAY OUR PROM.
8:42 - 8:45
WE'RE IN FIFTH PLACE BEHIND A CATHOLIC GIRLS' SCHOOL.
8:45 - 8:47
THOSE CHICKS ARE TOUGH.
8:47 - 8:48
NO DOUBT RULES.
8:49 - 8:52
ALL WE'VE GOT IS SOME VEGAS THEME AT OUR DANCE
8:53 - 8:54
AT THE HOSPITAL.
8:54 - 8:56
SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?
8:56 - 8:57
EAT WEIRD STUFF?
8:57 - 9:00
EAT STUFF, STACK STUFF, SPRAY PAINT STUFF.
9:00 - 9:02
WE LISTEN TO PIG 106 EVERY MORNING.
9:02 - 9:04
WACKY AND STEVE TELL US WHAT TO DO.
9:04 - 9:05
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
9:05 - 9:09
AHH, YEAH! IT'S PEP-RALLY TIME.
9:09 - 9:11
COME ON, KIDNEY BOY.
9:12 - 9:13
COOL.
9:15 - 9:18
WOW! YOUR CHEERLEADERS REALLY HAVE BOOBIES.
9:18 - 9:22
YEAH. EVEN JUNIOR VARSITY HAS THEM.
9:22 - 9:26
OK, SETTLE PEOPLE. SETTLE. YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO HEAR THIS ONE.
9:26 - 9:28
(BOY) OH, AHH. CONKLIN!
9:28 - 9:31
OK, I JUST GOT THE WORD FROM WACKY AND STEVE,
9:31 - 9:34
THAT PIERCE HIGH SCHOOL LOST THEIR LIABILITY INSURANCE
9:34 - 9:37
AND CAN'T DO THE DISHWASHER OF DOOM.
9:37 - 9:38
SO, THEY'RE OUT.
9:38 - 9:43
SO THAT PUTS US IN THE TOP 4 WITH 296 POINTS.
9:43 - 9:46
THERE'S NO DOUBT WE'RE GONNA WIN THIS THING.
9:48 - 9:50
GOD, I LOVE THIS SCHOOL.
9:50 - 9:52
YEAH!
9:52 - 9:54
FRIENDS, I KNOW YOU'VE USED TOILETS.
9:54 - 9:58
BUT I'LL WAGER YOU'VE NEVER TRULY EXPERIENCED ONE.
9:58 - 10:02
WHY JUST RELIEVE YOURSELF WHEN YOU CAN REWARD YOURSELF?
10:03 - 10:05
MR. STRICKLAND, IS IT?
10:05 - 10:09
WELL, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO CONJURE UP A LITTLE SOMETHING.
10:09 - 10:10
(STRICKLAND) HANK, PAY THE TOILET MAN.
10:10 - 10:11
[SIGHING]
10:13 - 10:14
[PEOPLE TALKING]
10:15 - 10:16
(GIRL) ALL RIGHT.
10:18 - 10:21
ALL RIGHT, ANTHONY. THE RECORD'S A MINUTE.
10:21 - 10:22
YOU READY?
10:22 - 10:23
[VIDEO CAMERA WHIRRING]
10:25 - 10:27
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
10:27 - 10:29
[ANTHONY GASPING] DUDE...
10:29 - 10:30
[ANTHONY SCREAMING]
10:30 - 10:32
(ANTHONY) LET ME OUT. I CAN'T BREATHE.
10:32 - 10:34
I TASTE SOAP.
10:34 - 10:35
I TASTE SOAP.
10:35 - 10:36
[ALL BOOING]
10:38 - 10:39
DO WE HAVE ANYBODY SHORT?
10:40 - 10:41
WHERE'S THAT PETITE KID WHO TUMBLES?
10:42 - 10:44
ROSEMARY? SHE MOVED TO OKLAHOMA.
10:45 - 10:46
I'LL DO IT.
10:47 - 10:49
WHAT ABOUT YOUR KIDNEYS?
10:49 - 10:51
THEY'RE FULL OF ARLEN HIGH SPIRIT.
10:54 - 10:55
WHO IS HE?
10:55 - 10:58
HE'S SO CUTE AND... AND HELPLESS.
10:58 - 11:01
KIDNEY BOY. WE CALL HIM THAT BECAUSE OF HIS BAD KIDNEYS.
11:01 - 11:03
YOU MEAN, LIKE, HE COULD DIE ANY MINUTE?
11:03 - 11:05
TRY ANY SECOND.
11:05 - 11:07
[CROWD CHEERING]
11:07 - 11:09
(BOBBY) OOH!
11:09 - 11:11
OH, YEAH! ARLEN HIGH RULES.
11:11 - 11:13
[ALL CHEERING]
11:15 - 11:18
I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT CONNIE.
11:18 - 11:19
AH.
11:19 - 11:22
I KNOW SHE'S BOBBY'S GIRL, BUT I LOVE HER.
11:22 - 11:24
THEY'RE NOT MARRIED. GO FOR IT.
11:24 - 11:28
(BOBBY) I NEED THE LATEST HARD NUMBERS IN THE NO DOUBT COMPETITION.
11:28 - 11:30
AN ESTIMATE DOES ME NO GOOD.
11:31 - 11:35
PIG 106 SAYS LUBBOCK IS GETTING A POINT A PERSON
11:35 - 11:37
FOR CRAMMING KIDS INTO A PHONE BOOTH.
11:37 - 11:38
A PHONE BOOTH?
11:38 - 11:39
OH.
11:39 - 11:41
HOW ARE WE EVER GONNA BEAT THAT?
11:41 - 11:42
WAIT.
11:43 - 11:45
I'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT IS THE SIZE OF A PHONE BOOTH.
11:45 - 11:47
AND SMELLS LIKE A PHONE BOOTH.
11:47 - 11:48
A PORT-A-POTTY.
11:48 - 11:50
(ALL) THAT'S RAD. YEAH.
11:50 - 11:51
NO DOUBT IS OURS.
11:51 - 11:52
(CONNIE) BOBBY?
11:53 - 11:55
HEH-HEH...
11:56 - 11:59
PLEASE TELL ME YOU BOUGHT OUR PROM TICKETS.
11:59 - 12:00
OH!
12:00 - 12:02
I'VE GOT A SITUATION HERE, CONNIE.
12:02 - 12:05
LUBBOCK IS CRAMMING KIDS INTO A PHONE BOOTH.
12:05 - 12:06
I'LL GET THE TICKETS TOMORROW.
12:06 - 12:08
BOBBY, THEY'RE SOLD OUT.
12:08 - 12:10
IT TURNS OUT ALL THOSE NERDS WHO SAID
12:10 - 12:12
THEY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS AT OTHER SCHOOLS
12:12 - 12:14
WEREN'T LYING.
12:14 - 12:18
WELL, THEN COME WITH ME TO THE HIGH-SCHOOL PROM.
12:18 - 12:19
THEY'RE GETTING NO DOUBT TO PLAY.
12:19 - 12:22
THE HIGH-SCHOOL PROM?
12:22 - 12:24
ME AT THE HIGH-SCHOOL PROM,
12:25 - 12:27
HANGING OUT WITH ARLEN'S BEST TEACHERS.
12:29 - 12:30
WHO'S THE MIDDLE-SCHOOL CHEESE?
12:30 - 12:32
OH, NO. NO. NO.
12:32 - 12:36
SHE'S A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL I KNOW FROM THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.
12:36 - 12:38
YEAH, SHE HAS, UH,
12:38 - 12:39
A LITTLE TAIL.
12:39 - 12:41
IT'S NOT LIKE A MONKEY,
12:42 - 12:44
MORE LIKE A HAMSTER.
12:44 - 12:46
THEY CAN'T OPERATE.
12:46 - 12:49
SO, THEY'RE DISSOLVING IT WITH COMPOUND W.
12:49 - 12:51
OH, THAT BRAVE LITTLE HAMSTER GIRL.
12:51 - 12:54
AND YOU ARE SO SWEET TO TAKE CARE OF HER.
12:59 - 13:01
♪[MUSIC PLAYING] I LIKE THE BOW TIE. LOSE EVERYTHING ELSE.
13:04 - 13:06
WHOA, CHECK YOU OUT.
13:06 - 13:08
THAT IS ONE FLY TUX.
13:08 - 13:10
IS THAT HAMSTER GIRL?
13:10 - 13:11
SHH.
13:11 - 13:13
SHE'S VERY SENSITIVE.
13:13 - 13:15
AND SHE HAS SUPER HEARING.
13:15 - 13:17
OH. BECAUSE I WAS GONNA TELL YOU THAT
13:17 - 13:20
VIVIAN WANTS TO GO TO THE PROM WITH YOU.
13:20 - 13:21
YOU--
13:23 - 13:24
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
13:25 - 13:27
NOTHING. I WAS, UM... I WAS--
13:27 - 13:28
CAN YOU PICK UP THINGS WITH YOUR TAIL?
13:28 - 13:30
LIKE--LIKE THAT SHOE?
13:30 - 13:32
YEAH. DOES IT WAG WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY?
13:32 - 13:36
CONNIE, WHY DON'T WE TRY THIS TUX ON IN THE DRESSING ROOM?
13:39 - 13:42
BOBBY, WHY DO THOSE GUYS THINK I HAVE A TAIL?
13:42 - 13:46
OH, PROBABLY BECAUSE MEDICAL SCIENCE...
13:46 - 13:49
OH! I TOLD THEM YOU HAD ONE.
13:49 - 13:51
WHY WERE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?
13:51 - 13:54
NO. NO. NO. NO. IT'S VERY ROMANTIC.
13:54 - 13:58
YOU HAVE A TAIL. I HAVE BAD KIDNEYS.
13:58 - 14:01
WE MET ON A RAINY DAY AT HOSPITAL CAMP.
14:01 - 14:05
AND NOW WE CAN GO TO THE HIGH SCHOOL PROM.
14:05 - 14:07
I THOUGHT THEY LIKED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE SO COOL,
14:07 - 14:09
NOT PITIED YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A FREAK.
14:09 - 14:12
NO! I HAVE THE MEDICAL CONDITION. YOU'RE THE FREAK.
14:12 - 14:13
YOU'VE GOTTA KEEP THIS STRAIGHT
14:13 - 14:15
OR WE'RE NEVER GONNA PULL IT OFF.
14:15 - 14:17
I AM NOT GONNA PRETEND I HAVE A MEDICAL PROBLEM.
14:18 - 14:20
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO REALLY HAVE TAILS.
14:20 - 14:24
MAYBE. WELL, I'M NOT GOING.
14:24 - 14:28
FINE! BUT I'M GOING TO THE HIGH-SCHOOL PROM.
14:28 - 14:29
WHAT'S WITH HAMSTER GIRL?
14:29 - 14:32
OH, SHE CAN'T GO TO THE PROM.
14:32 - 14:36
SHE'S HAVING THAT PROBLEM WITH HER D.N.A. OR SOMETHING.
14:36 - 14:39
I DON'T KNOW. IT'S BAD.
14:39 - 14:41
HEY, THAT MEANS YOU CAN TAKE VIVIAN.
14:42 - 14:44
DUDE! (ALL) DUDE!
14:48 - 14:51
[ALL CHATTERING]
14:57 - 14:59
[ALL GROANING]
14:59 - 15:02
[GRUNTING] LET'S GO, KIDNEY BOY. COME ON. SUCK IT IN.
15:04 - 15:05
[GASPING]
15:07 - 15:10
I, UM, UM.
15:10 - 15:12
THOUGHT MAYBE IF YOU'RE NOT STILL CREEPED OUT BY ME,
15:12 - 15:14
YOU MIGHT GO TO THE PROM WITH ME.
15:14 - 15:15
I'VE GOT 2 TICKETS.
15:16 - 15:19
IF YOU'RE NOT STILL, YOU KNOW, CREEPED OUT.
15:20 - 15:21
[GRUNTING]
15:21 - 15:23
I'D BE HONORED.
15:25 - 15:27
[SIGHING]
15:34 - 15:36
[CROWD CHATTERING]
15:36 - 15:39
(PRINCIPAL ON MICROPHONE) EVERYBODY SETTLE DOWN.
15:39 - 15:43
ANY MINUTE NOW I'M EXPECTING A PHONE CALL FROM PIG 106.
15:45 - 15:46
AND WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT--
15:47 - 15:48
[PHONE RINGING]
15:48 - 15:50
UH, HELLO?
15:50 - 15:53
(WACKY MIMICKING A WOMAN) YES. HELLO. I'D LIKE TO ORDER A PIZZA.
15:53 - 15:55
UH, PLEASE, MA'AM. WE'RE TRYING TO KEEP THE LINE CLEAR.
15:56 - 15:57
[WACKY LAUGHING]
15:57 - 16:00
HEY, YOU'VE BEEN PRANKED BY WACKY AND STEVE.
16:00 - 16:02
[ALL LAUGHING]
16:02 - 16:06
HEY, WE HAVE A LADY HERE WHO'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOU. SHE'S REALLY HOT.
16:06 - 16:09
AND I KNOW I'VE SPENT MORE THAN A FEW NIGHTS THINKING ABOUT HER.
16:09 - 16:11
HERE SHE IS. STEVE'S MOM!
16:11 - 16:12
[KIDS LAUGHING]
16:12 - 16:14
(STEVE) DANG, NOW I'VE BEEN PRANKED.
16:14 - 16:15
LET'S JUST GET TO THE GET TO.
16:15 - 16:17
THERE'S SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
16:17 - 16:19
HEY, WHAT'S UP? THIS IS GWEN FROM NO DOUBT.
16:19 - 16:20
HEY, THIS IS TOM FROM NO DOUBT.
16:20 - 16:22
HEY, HOW'RE YOU DOING? THIS IS TONY FROM NO DOUBT.
16:23 - 16:25
THAT'S NOT TONY, THAT WAS ADRIAN. I'M TONY FROM NO DOUBT.
16:25 - 16:28
(GWEN) UH, SORRY WE CAN'T TALK. BUT WE GOTTA CALL LUBBOCK
16:28 - 16:29
[ALL MOANING]
16:29 - 16:32
AND TELL THEM THEY LOST TO ARLEN HIGH. WHOO!
16:33 - 16:35
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GUYS. SEE YOU AT THE PROM.
16:40 - 16:42
YOU STILL IN THERE, PEGGY?
16:43 - 16:44
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
16:44 - 16:45
[PEGGY IMITATING FARTING SOUND]
16:45 - 16:47
[GASPING]
16:49 - 16:51
UNCLE HANK, IS THAT YOU?
16:51 - 16:54
(LUANNE) I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
16:54 - 16:55
UNCLE HANK.
16:56 - 16:58
[SIGHING] OK, DALE. YOU WIN.
16:58 - 17:00
I NEED TO USE YOUR PORT-A-ROOM.
17:00 - 17:04
OH, SO, NOW MR. I'LL-ONLY -SHARE-A-TOILET-WITH-MY-WIFE
17:04 - 17:06
WANTS TO SHARE ONE WITH US.
17:06 - 17:08
WELL, TAKE A WALK, TOILET SNOB.
17:08 - 17:10
N-N-NUH. HOLD ON, BILL.
17:11 - 17:13
HERE AT PORT-A-GRIBBLE, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT
17:13 - 17:16
TO REFUSE SERVICE TO NO ONE.
17:16 - 17:18
NO SHIRT, NO SHOES,
17:18 - 17:19
YES SERVICE.
17:20 - 17:22
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
17:27 - 17:29
♪[MUSIC PLAYING]
17:34 - 17:35
HMM.
17:35 - 17:37
FLOWERS.
17:40 - 17:41
[METAL CLANKING]
17:43 - 17:44
[SCREAMING]
17:45 - 17:47
[ALL LAUGHING]
17:48 - 17:49
HE'S A SQUATTER.
17:49 - 17:51
♪[RIDE WITH ME BY NELLY PLAYING]
17:51 - 17:53
♪ IF YOU WANNA GO AND TAKE A RIDE WITH ME ♪
17:53 - 17:55
♪ WE'RE 3-WHEELIN IN THE 4 WITH THE GOLD D'S ♪
17:55 - 17:58
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE WATER-BALLOONING?
17:58 - 18:01
COWS? EVEN BETTER.
18:01 - 18:04
TONIGHT'S THE MIDDLE-SCHOOL PROM.
18:04 - 18:06
(BOBBY) AS HIGH-SCHOOLERS, WE SHOULD BE DOING
18:06 - 18:08
SOMETHING WAY COOLER THAN THIS.
18:09 - 18:13
BOWLING'S ON ME. WE CAN STEAL SHOES.
18:13 - 18:16
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
18:20 - 18:21
(GIRL) OH, THANKS.
18:21 - 18:22
RUN, DOOLEY.
18:24 - 18:25
[GRUNTING]
18:25 - 18:28
NO! YOU GOT SOAKED.
18:31 - 18:32
(CONNIE) WELL, YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE
18:33 - 18:35
IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT AND WE HAVE DATES.
18:35 - 18:37
HEY, HAMSTER GIRL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
18:38 - 18:39
UH, SHE'S,
18:39 - 18:40
SH-SHE'S--
18:40 - 18:42
IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
18:42 - 18:44
MIDDLE SCHOOL?
18:46 - 18:50
YEAH. THE COMPOUND W DISSOLVED THE REST OF MY TAIL.
18:50 - 18:53
THEY THOUGHT MIDDLE SCHOOL WOULD BE LESS STRESSFUL AFTER,
18:53 - 18:56
YOU KNOW, LOSING MY TAIL AND ALL.
18:56 - 18:58
OK. SO, YOU'RE, LIKE ALL NORMAL NOW?
18:58 - 19:00
YES. I'M CURED.
19:00 - 19:03
GOOD. BECAUSE OTHERWISE I'D FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS.
19:03 - 19:04
[GRUNTING]
19:05 - 19:06
[SCREAMING]
19:06 - 19:09
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
19:09 - 19:13
IF YOU WANT TO HIT A MIDDLE-SCHOOLER, YOU MIGHT AS WELL HIT ME.
19:13 - 19:14
WHAT?
19:14 - 19:16
THIS IS MY REAL SCHOOL.
19:16 - 19:18
I AM A MIDDLE-SCHOOLER.
19:18 - 19:21
HE'S SO LAME. LET'S SOAK HIM.
19:22 - 19:23
[GASPING]
19:23 - 19:25
(ANTHONY) YEAH, SOAK IN IT.
19:25 - 19:28
SOAK IN YOUR LIES, KIDNEY BOY.
19:35 - 19:37
COME ON, CONNIE. LET'S GO INSIDE.
19:37 - 19:39
UH, HOLD ON, JOSEPH.
19:39 - 19:41
OH, THAT'S IT.
19:41 - 19:43
I CAN'T TAKE THESE MIND GAMES ANYMORE.
19:43 - 19:45
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHOOSE RIGHT NOW.
19:45 - 19:47
IS IT HIM OR ME?
19:47 - 19:48
WHAT?
19:48 - 19:52
BOBBY IS MY BOYFRIEND. YOU KNOW THAT.
19:52 - 19:54
I'M STILL YOUR BOYFRIEND?
19:54 - 19:56
REALLY?
19:56 - 19:59
YES, BUT BECAUSE YOU WERE SUCH A JERK, I DON'T HAVE PROM TICKETS.
19:59 - 20:01
SO, I'M GOING WITH JOSEPH.
20:01 - 20:02
COOL.
20:10 - 20:13
JOSEPH UNDERSTANDS THAT YOU ONLY WENT TO THE PROM WITH HIM
20:13 - 20:15
TO GET BACK AT ME, RIGHT?
20:15 - 20:18
UH, I DON'T REALLY THINK HE DOES.
20:18 - 20:20
IT'S ACTUALLY A BIT OF A MESS.
20:20 - 20:21
(BOY) HEY, KIDNEY BOY.
20:21 - 20:22
[CAR APPROACHING]
20:26 - 20:27
A PROM TICKET?
20:27 - 20:29
YEAH.
20:29 - 20:31
WE GOT TO THINKING THAT YOU DID HELP US WIN.
20:31 - 20:33
AND NO DOUBT HEARD ABOUT THE KIDNEY BOY.
20:33 - 20:34
SO, YOU BETTER BE THERE.
20:34 - 20:36
AND YOU BETTER LOOK SICK.
20:36 - 20:39
OH, I'LL BE THERE. ON ONE CONDITION.
20:39 - 20:41
♪[DON'T SPEAK BY NO DOUBT PLAYING]
20:41 - 20:43
♪ YOU AND ME ♪
20:43 - 20:46
♪ I CAN SEE A STAR LIT ♪
20:46 - 20:49
♪ ALWAYS ♪
20:49 - 20:50
♪ DON'T SPEAK ♪
20:51 - 20:54
♪ I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ♪
20:54 - 20:57
♪ SO PLEASE STOP EXPLAINING ♪
20:57 - 21:00
♪ DON'T TELL ME CAUSE IT HURTS ♪
21:00 - 21:03
♪ NO, NO, DON'T SPEAK ♪
21:03 - 21:07
♪ I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ♪
21:07 - 21:09
♪ AND I DON'T NEED YOUR REASONS ♪
21:09 - 21:11
♪ DON'T TELL ME 'CAUSE IT HURTS ♪
21:11 - 21:12
HEY, AREN'T YOU KIDNEY BOY?
21:12 - 21:14
NO, SIR. I'M NOT.
21:14 - 21:17
KIDNEY BOY IS GONE FOR GOOD.
21:19 - 21:21
KIDNEY BOY DIED. HE'S GONE.
21:21 - 21:23
WHAT'S UP, ARLEN HIGH?
21:25 - 21:28
UH, I JUST GOT SOME TERRIBLE NEWS.
21:28 - 21:32
THIS NEXT SONG IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF KIDNEY BOY.
21:32 - 21:33
[ALL GASPING]
21:33 - 21:34
POOR KIDNEY BOY.
21:35 - 21:36
1,2,3,4
21:36 - 21:40
♪[BATHWATER BY NO DOUBT PLAYING]
21:40 - 21:43
[CROWD WHISTLING]
21:49 - 21:52
♪ WHY DO WE CHOOSE THE BOYS THAT ARE NAUGHTY? ♪
21:52 - 21:55
♪ I DON'T FIT IN, SO WHY DO YOU WANT ME? ♪
22:27 - 22:29
[BOY SCREAMING] (PRINCIPAL) CONKLIN