S05E19 - Hank's Back Story
0:03 - 0:04
[CAN POPPING OPEN]
0:32 - 0:34
MMM.
0:34 - 0:37
MAIL CAME A LITTLE EARLY YESTERDAY. 3:30.
0:37 - 0:39
YEAH, PEGGY WAS TELLING ME.
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[LAWNMOWER APPROACHING]
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GENTLEMEN, YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE NEXT WINNER
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OF THE FIRST ANNUAL DURNDLE COUNTY MOWER RACES, STOCK CLASS.
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MOWER RACES? WELL, GOOD FOR DURNDLE.
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ME AND MY MASON 5000 WILL DO 20 LAPS AROUND THE TRACK
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AT SPEEDS APPROACHING 12 MILES AN HOUR.
0:57 - 1:00
I'VE CHOSEN YOU 3 TO BE MY PIT CREW.
1:01 - 1:03
PIT CREW? STUFF THAT, MISTER.
1:03 - 1:06
IF THERE'S ORGANIZED MOWER-RACING, I'M IN.
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ME, TOO!
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PLAN ON EATING MY DUST, GRIBBLE.
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FINE. YOU'RE ALL FIRED FROM MY PIT CREW.
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SO UNLESS YOU PLAN ON BUYING MASON 5000S
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BETWEEN NOW AND RACE DAY
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AND NOT HAVING THEM ANONYMOUSLY VANDALIZED,
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PLAN ON LOSING.
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DALE, IT'S THE MAN, NOT THE MACHINE, THAT WINS RACES.
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AND I'LL SAY THIS TO YOU, AND TO YOU, AND TO YOU:
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I AM THE MAN.
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YOU WANT TO BACK OUT NOW?
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YOU MEAN BACK OUT OF THE RACE OR BACK OUT OF THIS POSITION?
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BECAUSE I CAN DO BOTH BUT I WILL ONLY DO ONE.
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[PUFFING]
2:02 - 2:04
[GASPING]
2:04 - 2:06
THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
2:10 - 2:12
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
2:12 - 2:13
[ALARM BUZZING]
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OW, OH, MAN.
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NOT MY BACK AGAIN.
2:21 - 2:22
[GASPING]
2:24 - 2:28
MOM, HOW COME DAD GETS TO STAND AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE
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AND I NEVER GET TO WEAR MY CAPE?
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BECAUSE YOUR FATHER IS AFRAID OF DOCTORS.
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NOW, HANK, ACCORDING TO MY COUNT,
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THIS IS THE FIFTH OR EIGHTH TIME
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THAT YOUR BACK HAS GONE OUT THIS YEAR.
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WILL YOU MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, ALREADY?
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NO. MY BACK'S JUST STIFF FROM TRAINING FOR THE MOWER RACE.
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I SPENT 3 HOURS LAST NIGHT WORKING ON MY STARTS.
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SEE, IF I CAN BEAT BOOMHAUER OFF THE LINE, HE'LL FALL APART MENTALLY.
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WHAT IS IT WITH YOU MOWER-RACERS
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AND YOUR STUBBORN CODE OF HONOR?
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I SEE A DOCTOR WHENEVER I'M INCAPACITATED
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AND IT DOES NOT MAKE ME ANY LESS OF A MAN.
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I AM NOT INCAPACITATED.
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ENOUGH SAID.
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[GROANING]
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[SIGHING]
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[BIRDS CHIRPING]
3:14 - 3:16
[GROANING]
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THERE. JUST TAKE IT. TAKE IT ALL.
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I DON'T WANT ANY MORE JUNK FOOD IN MY HOUSE.
3:24 - 3:26
OH, BILL, ARE THE RATS BACK? I DON'T KNOW.
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I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT
3:28 - 3:30
SO I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE IN THE MOWER RACE.
3:31 - 3:33
WELL, BILL, YOU COULD LOSE 100 POUNDS
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AND YOU STILL WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TAKE A CORNER LIKE ME.
3:36 - 3:38
WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
3:38 - 3:40
I COULD NEVER LOSE 100 POUNDS.
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AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PRACTICING.
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YOUR LAWN IS SHAGGY!
3:44 - 3:47
YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY LAWN, DAUTERIVE?
3:47 - 3:49
[WHINING]
3:51 - 3:52
[CRYING]
3:58 - 4:01
[GRUNTING]
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AH.
4:03 - 4:05
[YELLING]
4:05 - 4:07
[SIGHING]
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THANK YOU, GINA. DR. TATE.
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YES. HMM.
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MR. HILL, YOU HAVE A COMPRESSION
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OF THE DISCS IN YOUR LOWER BACK.
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UH-HUH, DO YOU GET A LOT OF THIS IN YOUR PATIENTS WHO RACE MOWERS?
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A LAWNMOWER DIDN'T CAUSE THIS, IT'S GENETIC.
4:29 - 4:31
GENETIC AS IN FATAL?
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NO.
4:32 - 4:36
MR. HILL, YOU WERE BORN WITH NO MUSCLE MASS HERE
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NO CUSHIONING.
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FOR YEARS, YOU'VE BASICALLY BEEN SITTING ON YOUR SPINE.
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YOU SUFFER FROM A DISEASE
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CALLED DIMINISHED GLUTEAL SYNDROME OR D.G.S.
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[GASPING]
4:46 - 4:50
I--I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHAT--WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
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MR. HILL, YOU HAVE NO ASS.
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[YELPING]
5:01 - 5:04
DIMINISHED GLUTEAL SYNDROME?
5:04 - 5:06
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
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LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
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GINA, THE CHART.
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(GINA) JUST A MOMENT, DOCTOR.
5:10 - 5:13
OH, I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF.
5:13 - 5:15
THIS DRAWING SHOWS A HEALTHY GLUTEUS MAXIMUS.
5:16 - 5:17
YOU, HAVE THIS BODY TYPE.
5:18 - 5:20
IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE COMMON IN THE SUBURBS.
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A WHITE MALE WITH SMALL BUTTOCKS AND PROTRUDING BELLY
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OFTEN CAUSED BY PRONOUNCED CONSUMPTION OF BEER.
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MY REAR END ISN'T AS FLAT AS THAT GUY'S.
5:32 - 5:35
I'M GOING TO PRESCRIBE A GLUTEAL ORTHOTIC DEVICE.
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IT'S A PROSTHETIC YOU WEAR OVER YOUR BACKSIDE
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TO HELP ALLEVIATE THE PRESSURE ON YOUR SPINE.
5:40 - 5:43
YOU WANT ME TO WEAR A FAKE HEINIE?
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MR. HILL, ARE YOUR SHOES FAKE FEET?
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[BIRDS CHIRPING]
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THIS IS YOUR GLUTEAL ORTHOTIC.
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UH, LET'S SEE.
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YOU WEAR IT UNDER YOUR PANTS AND...
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WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT.
6:02 - 6:05
LET'S SEE HOW SHE FITS.
6:05 - 6:07
THOSE 2 BAGS ARE FILLED WITH SALINE.
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DR. TATE HAS PRESCRIBED 1,700 MILLILITERS FOR YOUR LEFT CHEEK
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AND 1,500 FOR YOUR RIGHT.
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ISN'T THAT INTERESTING, HANK?
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YOU HAVE ONE BUTT CHEEK BIGGER THAN THE OTHER, JUST LIKE MY FEET.
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YEAH, YEAH, WE'RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
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I WEAR A SIZE 16-AND-A-HALF ON MY LEFT FOOT, 16 ON MY RIGHT.
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HOW'S THAT FEEL, HANK?
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UH, PRETTY GOOD, I GUESS.
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CAN YOU TELL I'VE GOT SOMETHING ON BACK THERE?
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NO, UH, UH, NOT AT ALL.
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[GASPING]
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EXCUSE ME. UH, I--I NOTICED, UH...
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ARE YOU A PATIENT OF DR. TATE?
6:50 - 6:51
NO. YES.
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HEH, ME, TOO.
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NAME'S DAVE. DAVE ULSTER.
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HANK. UH,
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HANK GRILL.
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IT CAN BE TOUGH IN THE BEGINNING. IF YOU, UH, YOU KNOW,
7:03 - 7:05
YOU EVER NEED TO TALK OR ANYTHING, GIVE ME A CALL.
7:05 - 7:08
WELL, THANK YOU, BUT THIS IS A PERSONAL PROBLEM
7:08 - 7:11
THAT I AM FULLY CAPABLE OF HANDLING ON MY OWN.
7:11 - 7:14
WELL, MR. "D. ULSTER AT A.O.L.COM,"
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GET READY FOR PEGGY HILL'S JOKE OF THE DAY.
7:17 - 7:18
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
7:33 - 7:34
WELL, I'LL BE DIPPED!
7:34 - 7:35
[LAWNMOWER REVVING]
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COME ON, DAD. PEDAL TO THE METAL.
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TAKE SMALL SIPS. DON'T GULP.
7:40 - 7:42
I'M MOWING LIKE I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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HAVE YOU SEEN MY ORTHOTIC?
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I NEED IT FOR DINNER. MY DAD'S GONNA BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES.
7:51 - 7:53
I WAS DOING A LOAD OF SUPPORT GARMENTS,
7:53 - 7:55
SO I WENT AHEAD AND THREW IT IN.
7:55 - 7:56
I HUNG IT ON THE LINE TO DRY.
7:56 - 8:00
IT'S "DRY ON A FLAT SURFACE ONLY!" DIDN'T YOU READ THE TAGS?
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[BIRDS CHIRPING]
8:07 - 8:11
(DALE) OVER HERE, HANK. BEHIND YOU.
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[ALL LAUGHING]
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YOU GIVE THAT BACK BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS!
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DON'T--DON'T YOU MEAN BEFORE YOU KICK YOUR ASS?
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THAT IS A MEDICAL DEVICE PRESCRIBED BY AN ORTHOPEDIC PHYSICIAN.
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(COTTON) I'M HERE. WHERE'S THE STEAK?
8:28 - 8:29
[CAR DOOR CLOSING]
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DAD, GO IN THE HOUSE. I'LL BE RIGHT IN--
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COLONEL, YOU SAVED ME A PHONE CALL.
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I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR SON IS WEARING SALINE IMPLANTS,
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I.E., FALSIES, ON HIS RUMP.
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DEAR GOD, HANK.
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YOU'RE WEARING BUTT BOOBIES.
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IT--IT'S NOT FOR MY BUTTOCKS, IT'S FOR MY BACK.
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DIDI, COME OVER HERE.
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PUT YOUR FAKE TA-TA'S NEXT TO HANK'S.
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[WHIMPERING] WE'LL SEE WHO'S GOT THE BIGGER MELONS!
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ALL RIGHT, THAT TEARS IT. DAD, YOU GIVE THAT TO ME RIGHT NOW!
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KEEP AWAY FROM HANK!
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HEY, PIPE DOWN, HILLBILLIES!
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WE'RE HAVING A GAME OF KEEP AWAY HERE, MR. KAHN.
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CATCH.
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[GRUNTING]
9:20 - 9:23
[ALL LAUGHING]
9:27 - 9:29
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
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WHAT INFORMATION HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME, OCTAVIO?
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BILL IS LOSING WEIGHT, JEFE.
9:33 - 9:35
HE'S EATING ONLY ORANGES AND HAM SANDWICHES.
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BLAST IT! WE WILL STILL WIN BUT WE MUST TRAIN TWICE AS HARD.
9:39 - 9:42
OCTAVIO, RELEASE THE CHICKEN.
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[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
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[DALE CLUCKING]
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SO THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
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HANK, DO NOT JUST STAND THERE WATCHING DALE MOW A CHICKEN.
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GET YOUR CHEEKS DOWN OFF THAT LINE
9:58 - 10:00
AND GET YOURSELF BACK IN THE RACE.
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NO. NO. I'M DONE WITH MOWER-RACING.
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AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE:
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I'M RIPPING UP THE GRASS AND PUTTING IN WOOD CHIPS.
10:07 - 10:09
YOU KNOW HOW I ALWAYS HATED HAVING A LAWN.
10:15 - 10:16
[GROANING]
10:16 - 10:18
HANK, MR. STRICKLAND JUST CALLED.
10:18 - 10:21
THERE IS A PROPANE EMERGENCY OUT IN MCMAYNERBURY.
10:21 - 10:24
MCMAYNERBURY? HA. WHEN WILL THEY LEARN?
10:26 - 10:29
NO, NO. HOP IN. WITH YOUR BAD BACK, I WILL DRIVE.
10:31 - 10:32
[HANK GRUMBLING]
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[GROANING]
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HELLO?
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HANK HILL, STRICKLAND PROPANE.
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DO NOT LIGHT ANY MATCHES.
10:43 - 10:45
(DAVE) WE'RE BACK HERE, HANK.
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[DOOR CREAKING]
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REMEMBER ME, HANK?
10:48 - 10:50
DAVE ULSTER, FROM THE MEDICAL SUPPLY SHOP.
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YOU'RE AMONG FRIENDS.
10:52 - 10:55
ALL OF US SUFFER FROM DIMINISHED GLUTEAL SYNDROME.
10:55 - 10:57
BUT--BUT PEGGY SAID THERE WAS A PROPANE--
10:58 - 10:59
OH, NO.
10:59 - 11:01
[CAR TIRES SQUEALING]
11:01 - 11:02
[SIGHING]
11:07 - 11:08
HANK, MY NAME IS WAYNE.
11:08 - 11:10
AND I'VE BEEN WEARING FOR 4 YEARS.
11:10 - 11:13
PHIL. 6-AND-A-HALF YEARS.
11:13 - 11:17
YEAH, I'M LARRY. I'VE WORN A PROSTHETIC BEHIND FOR 18 MONTHS.
11:17 - 11:19
OH, GOD! THIS IS A SUPPORT GROUP.
11:19 - 11:21
HEY, HEY, WE ARE NOT A SUPPORT GROUP.
11:21 - 11:23
WE ARE HOBBYISTS.
11:23 - 11:26
WE SHARE A SIMILAR INTEREST AND MEET TWICE A MONTH TO TALK ABOUT IT.
11:26 - 11:28
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.
11:28 - 11:32
YOUR WIFE TOLD ME ABOUT THE AWFUL INCIDENT WITH YOUR ORTHOTIC.
11:32 - 11:33
I SHARED IT WITH THE GROUP.
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I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
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I AM NOT EVEN CONFIRMING THAT I HAVE A WIFE.
11:38 - 11:40
(WAYNE) IT'S ONE THING WHEN THEY CALL US NAMES.
11:40 - 11:43
BUT TO PLAY HOT POTATO WITH YOUR UNIT!
11:43 - 11:46
FOR GOD'S SAKES! IT'S A MEDICAL DEVICE.
11:46 - 11:48
THAT'S WHAT I KEPT SAYING.
11:48 - 11:50
THOSE CRUEL SONS OF BRITCHES.
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DID YOU GET THEIR NAMES?
11:52 - 11:53
I KNOW THEIR NAMES.
11:53 - 11:56
THEY WERE MY NEIGHBORS, AND MY BEST FRIENDS,
11:56 - 11:58
AND, AND, UH,
11:58 - 12:00
MY DAD.
12:00 - 12:02
HANK, NONE OF WHAT'S SAID HERE LEAVES THE GROUP.
12:03 - 12:05
SO, ANYBODY SIT ANYWHERE GOOD THIS WEEK?
12:05 - 12:07
(WAYNE) GUESS WHICH ASSISTANT COACH
12:07 - 12:08
SAT ON HIS SON'S LITTLE LEAGUE BENCH?
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(MEN) NICE. THAT'S GREAT.
12:10 - 12:12
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
12:20 - 12:22
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
12:22 - 12:26
PEGGY, YOU BETTER SIT DOWN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.
12:30 - 12:31
[GASPING]
12:31 - 12:33
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M SITTING.
12:33 - 12:35
AND I OWE IT ALL TO THAT HOBBYIST GROUP.
12:35 - 12:38
AND THE ONE PERSON WHO PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH THEM:
12:39 - 12:40
DAVE ULSTER.
12:41 - 12:43
I'M KIDDING YOU, PEGGY.
12:43 - 12:45
SEE? I GOT MY SENSE OF HUMOR BACK.
12:48 - 12:51
OH, HANK, IT IS GOOD TO LAUGH AGAIN.
12:53 - 12:54
[SIGHING]
12:54 - 12:56
BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE, PEGGY,
12:56 - 12:59
DON'T EVER REPORT A FALSE PROPANE EMERGENCY AGAIN.
12:59 - 13:02
BELIEVE ME, I PRAYED ON IT, HANK,
13:02 - 13:05
AND GOD SAID TO ME, "DON'T DO IT."
13:05 - 13:07
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I KNEW BETTER.
13:07 - 13:10
I WAS NOT GONNA REST UNTIL YOU WERE BACK IN THAT MOWER RACE.
13:10 - 13:13
THE RACE? OH, I'M DONE WITH THAT NONSENSE.
13:13 - 13:16
I'LL WEAR MY ORTHOTIC AT HOME AND AT MY DESK AT WORK,
13:16 - 13:18
BUT I'M NOT GONNA GIVE MY SO-CALLED
13:18 - 13:22
FRIENDS AND FAMILY AN OPPORTUNITY TO RIDICULE ME IN PUBLIC.
13:23 - 13:25
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
13:25 - 13:27
(WOMAN ON T.V.) SQUEEZE YOUR BUTT AND RELEASE YOUR BUTT.
13:27 - 13:30
SQUEEZE YOUR BUTT AND RELEASE YOUR BUTT.
13:30 - 13:33
AND WALK ON YOUR BUTT, AND LEFT CHEEK, RIGHT CHEEK...
13:33 - 13:35
[GASPING] BOBBY!
13:35 - 13:38
THAT'S A LADIES' TAPE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
13:38 - 13:42
I'M FIRMING MY BUTTOCKS IN 30 DAYS SO I DON'T END UP LIKE YOU.
13:42 - 13:45
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE TO SIT.
13:45 - 13:46
OH, DON'T WORRY, SON.
13:46 - 13:48
YOU PROBABLY WON'T GET D.G.S.
13:48 - 13:51
BUT EVEN IF YOU DO, YOU CAN WEAR A GLUTEAL ORTHOTIC
13:51 - 13:53
AND SIT ANYWHERE YOU WANT.
13:53 - 13:57
YEAH, BUT SOONER OR LATER SOMEONE WILL FIND OUT.
13:57 - 13:58
AND THEY'LL LAUGH.
13:58 - 14:00
AND I WANT PEOPLE LAUGHING AT ME
14:00 - 14:03
'CAUSE I'M SHOVING BROCCOLI UP MY NOSE,
14:03 - 14:06
NOT BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.
14:06 - 14:07
[T.V. CLICKS]
14:07 - 14:10
LEFT CHEEK, RIGHT CHEEK...
14:10 - 14:12
(DAVE) SO, HANK, I SEE YOU'RE SITTING THIS WEEK.
14:12 - 14:13
YES, I AM.
14:13 - 14:17
BUT I'D LIKE TO STAND UP FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY.
14:17 - 14:20
I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL FOR GIVING ME THE COURAGE
14:20 - 14:22
TO WEAR MY ORTHOTIC WITH PRIDE.
14:22 - 14:26
AND, DANG IT, I'M NOT JUST DOING IT FOR ME.
14:26 - 14:28
I'M DOING IT FOR MY SON
14:28 - 14:30
BECAUSE CHANCES ARE I'VE PASSED
14:30 - 14:33
THIS DEBILITATING CONDITION ON TO HIM.
14:33 - 14:35
MMM-HMM. AND THERE IS ONE THING I CAN DO
14:35 - 14:38
TO HELP MY SON LEAD A HAPPY, SHAME-FREE LIFE.
14:38 - 14:42
AND THAT'S TO WIN THE DURNDLE COUNTY LAWNMOWER RACE.
14:42 - 14:44
(ALL) ALL RIGHT, HANK. WAY TO GO, HANK.
14:44 - 14:46
I KNEW Y'ALL WOULD BE ONBOARD.
14:46 - 14:48
I'M GONNA NEED AN ACE PIT CREW
14:49 - 14:50
AND I'M LOOKING AT ONE RIGHT NOW.
14:51 - 14:53
WE'RE AN UNBEATABLE TEAM!
14:53 - 14:55
THE DIMINISHED GLUTES!
14:55 - 14:58
WE'LL WEAR IT ON OUR HATS, ON OUR JACKETS.
14:58 - 14:59
HECK, I'LL PAINT IT ON MY MOWER.
14:59 - 15:01
RIGHT ON TOP OF THE FACTORY COAT.
15:04 - 15:06
YOU DO THAT, WE'LL THROW A BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW.
15:06 - 15:07
WHAT THE...
15:08 - 15:10
WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE AN UNBEATABLE TEAM.
15:10 - 15:13
TAKE A SEAT, HANK. WE'RE A SECRET SOCIETY,
15:13 - 15:15
NOT A GROUP OF LOOK-AT-ME-STANLEYS.
15:15 - 15:20
WELL, FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY IT IS, I'LL DO IT ON MY OWN.
15:20 - 15:23
THANK YOU, HANK. ANY OTHER NEW BUSINESS?
15:28 - 15:29
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
15:34 - 15:37
OH, HANK, PAINTING "DIMINISHED GLUTES"
15:37 - 15:40
ON YOUR MOWER MIGHT BE ASKING FOR TROUBLE.
15:40 - 15:45
WHAT ABOUT MY SUGGESTION TO PAINT "THE MOW THE MERRIER"?
15:45 - 15:49
I SUFFER FROM A GENETIC CONDITION CALLED D.G.S.
15:49 - 15:53
OH, I'M SORRY, HANK. IT'S JUST THAT I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
15:53 - 15:57
BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, I HAVE GOT IT GOING ON BACK THERE.
15:57 - 16:00
GOD FORBID IN 20 YEARS BOBBY GETS IT.
16:00 - 16:02
I DON'T WANT HIM TO FEEL LIKE A FREAK.
16:02 - 16:04
I'M FIGHTING NOW SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
16:04 - 16:07
RACE FOR THE CURE.
16:07 - 16:09
(ANNOUNCER) GOOD AFTERNOON. THE UNITED STATES
16:09 - 16:11
LAWNMOWER RACING ASSOCIATION
16:11 - 16:14
WELCOMES YOU TO THE DURNDLE COUNTY SPEEDWAY.
16:14 - 16:18
OUR DAY BEGINS WITH THE LIGHTNING SPEED OF THE DRAG RACES.
16:18 - 16:20
[ENGINES REVVING]
16:28 - 16:32
LOOK AT DALE OVER THERE, ALL SMUG ON HIS MASON 5000.
16:32 - 16:35
YOU'RE GONNA EAT MY EXHAUST FUMES, GRIBBLE.
16:35 - 16:37
KEEP TALKING, BUBBLE-BUTT.
16:37 - 16:39
I WASN'T SAYING ANYTHING.
16:39 - 16:41
NOT YOU. I WAS TALKING TO HANK.
16:41 - 16:44
I'M GONNA MOW LAPS AROUND BOTH OF YOU!
16:45 - 16:48
STOCK CLASS RACERS, MOUNT YOUR MOWERS.
16:48 - 16:51
THE RACE WILL BEGIN IN ONE MINUTE!
16:51 - 16:53
ONE MINUTE!
16:53 - 16:55
ALL RIGHT, OCTAVIO. NOW THAT THE INSPECTION IS OVER,
16:55 - 16:58
HOOK UP THE NITROUS OXIDE TO MY ENGINE.
16:58 - 16:59
THAT'S ILLEGAL, NO?
16:59 - 17:02
YES. BUT IT'LL GIVE ME A BOOST OF SPEED.
17:02 - 17:05
ADD THAT TO THE NATURAL QUICKNESS OF THE MASON 5000
17:05 - 17:08
AND I JUST MIGHT OVERCOME MY WEAK DRIVING SKILLS.
17:08 - 17:12
RACERS, START YOUR ENGINES!
17:16 - 17:18
[ACCELERATING]
17:21 - 17:24
AND READY, SET,
17:25 - 17:26
MOW!
17:27 - 17:28
[GASPING]
17:30 - 17:33
I DID BETTER THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD.
17:33 - 17:36
♪[GREEN RIVER BY CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL PLAYING]
17:36 - 17:38
DON'T YOU CLIP MY WHEELS, YOU LITTLE TUSH.
17:38 - 17:40
SAY THAT AGAIN TO THE BACK OF MY HEAD,
17:41 - 17:45
MR. NON-U.S.-LAWNMOWER- ASSOCIATION-APPROVED-HELMET.
17:45 - 17:46
YEAH.
17:46 - 17:49
♪ LET ME REMEMBER THINGS I LOVE, LORD ♪
17:50 - 17:52
[BEEPING]
17:52 - 17:56
♪ STOPPING AT THE LOG WHERE CATFISH BITE ♪
17:56 - 18:00
10 LAPS DOWN, 10 LAPS TO MOW!
18:01 - 18:03
♪ BAREFOOT GIRLS DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT ♪
18:04 - 18:06
HE BLEW OUT HIS LEFT CHEEK!
18:06 - 18:08
NO. THAT'S HIS PIVOT CHEEK.
18:08 - 18:10
NOW HE CAN'T TURN TO THE INSIDE.
18:11 - 18:12
[GRUNTING]
18:23 - 18:27
HANK, I JUST WANNA SAY I'M PROUD OF YOU.
18:27 - 18:29
MAY THE BEST MAN WIN.
18:29 - 18:31
♪ WELL ♪
18:35 - 18:37
AH, NOT THE OTHER ONE.
18:44 - 18:46
[SIGHING] MY CHEEKS BLEW OUT.
18:46 - 18:48
I'M RIDING ON MY TAILBONE.
18:48 - 18:49
I DON'T THINK I CAN FINISH.
18:49 - 18:52
YES, YOU CAN. THERE'S LESS THAN ONE LAP TO GO.
18:52 - 18:54
GUT IT OUT.
18:54 - 18:55
OH!
18:55 - 18:58
CRAMP! GUT IT OUT!
18:58 - 18:59
[GROANING]
18:59 - 19:02
WATCH OUT. I'M PULLING OFF THE TRACK.
19:02 - 19:04
[GROANING]
19:04 - 19:05
[SIGHING]
19:07 - 19:11
(MEN) WE'RE HERE! NO REAR! GET USED TO IT!
19:11 - 19:15
WE'RE HERE! NO REAR! GET USED TO IT!
19:16 - 19:18
HANK, TAKE MY ASS.
19:20 - 19:21
[GRUNTING]
19:37 - 19:41
AND THE WINNER OF THE FIRST ANNUAL DURNDLE COUNTY MOWER RACE
19:41 - 19:44
IS BOOMHAUER!
19:44 - 19:46
DAMN, WE LOST.
19:46 - 19:49
YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF JUNK.
19:50 - 19:54
BUT I CAN STILL BEAT HANK. THAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN WINNING.
19:54 - 19:56
COME ON, YOU GRACEFUL GAZELLE.
19:58 - 19:59
[EXPLOSION]
19:59 - 20:00
[SCREAMING]
20:00 - 20:03
DANG CHEATING OCTAVIO BLEW MY ENGINE!
20:03 - 20:05
DALE GRIBBLE ON THE MASON 5000,
20:06 - 20:08
HANK HILL ON THE DIMINISHED GLUTEAL SYNDROME MOWER!
20:08 - 20:11
WHAT A BATTLE FOR SIXTH PLACE!
20:13 - 20:17
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON! WOO-HOO, SIXTH PLACE!
20:29 - 20:30
[SIGHING]
20:30 - 20:33
WELL, I'M SORRY I LET YOU DOWN BY NOT WINNING THE RACE.
20:33 - 20:37
HEY, HANK, WHAT YOU DID, IT TOOK A LOT OF GUTS.
20:37 - 20:41
YOU GOT SEVENTH PLACE. THAT MEANS YOU AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFY FOR NEXT YEAR'S RACE.
20:41 - 20:44
HELL, I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS DID OUT THERE TODAY, TOO.
20:44 - 20:46
THAT ALSO TOOK A LOT OF GUTS.
20:46 - 20:48
ESPECIALLY YOU, LARRY.
20:48 - 20:50
WE WERE ALL REACHING FOR OUR BAGS, BUDDY.
20:50 - 20:52
I WAS JUST QUICKEST ON THE DRAW.
20:52 - 20:54
YEAH, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
20:54 - 20:56
I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TUESDAY.
21:05 - 21:06
[SIGHING]
21:09 - 21:12
SHE'S A BEAUT. WHAT KIND OF ENGINE? BRIGGS AND STRATTON?
21:12 - 21:14
TECUMSEH.
21:14 - 21:16
10-AND-A-HALF HORSE UNDER THE HOOD.
21:16 - 21:17
[WHISTLING]
21:17 - 21:20
AND, UH, THE, UH,
21:20 - 21:23
THAT PADDING, THAT THING YOU WERE WEARING DURING THE RACE,
21:23 - 21:26
I GOT A FRIEND WHO COULD USE SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
21:28 - 21:31
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE YOUR FRIEND MY CARD?
21:35 - 21:37
UH,
21:37 - 21:40
EXCUSE ME. I THINK YOU COULD USE IT, TOO.
21:41 - 21:45
PEGGY, TO THE MEDICAL SUPPLY STORE.
21:45 - 21:47
I NEED SOME NEW CHEEKS.
22:26 - 22:27
(DR. TATE) THANK YOU, GINA.
22:27 - 22:28
(GINA) DR. TATE.