S04E07 - Happy Hank's Giving
0:31 - 0:33
[EXCLAIMS]
0:33 - 0:35
OH, ANOTHER THANKSGIVIN'
0:35 - 0:38
WITH HANK HILL'S FAMOUS SMOKED TURKEY.
0:38 - 0:39
[MOANS]
0:39 - 0:43
WHAT CAN I BRING THIS YEAR, HANK? UH, UH, STRAWS?
0:43 - 0:45
UH, WELL, BILL, WE'RE, UH...
0:45 - 0:46
UH, AND BY "WE"
0:46 - 0:49
I MEAN ME, MY FAMILY, AND THIS TURKEY,
0:49 - 0:52
WE'RE ALL GOIN' TO MONTANA FOR THANKSGIVING.
0:52 - 0:53
OH.
0:53 - 0:56
YEAH. SEE, PEGGY AND HER MOM DON'T ALWAYS GET ALONG,
0:56 - 1:00
AND NOW MOTHER PLATTER'S STARTING TO TAKE IT OUT ON PROPANE.
1:00 - 1:02
SHE SAYS IT CAN'T GET THE JOB DONE
1:02 - 1:04
WHEN IT COMES TO SMOKING TURKEY.
1:04 - 1:05
WELL, I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT GO.
1:05 - 1:09
SO, FOR PEGGY'S SAKE I GOTTA PROVE HER MOM WRONG.
1:09 - 1:11
NOW, UH, THIS DOESN'T LEAVE THE ALLEY,
1:11 - 1:14
BUT, UH, PEGGY'S PARENTS WANTED TO TAKE US
1:14 - 1:16
TO A RESTAURANT FOR THANKSGIVING.
1:17 - 1:18
MMM-MMM.
1:18 - 1:20
BUT DON'T WORRY.
1:20 - 1:22
I CONVINCED 'EM TO HAVE THE MEAL AT THEIR HOUSE,
1:22 - 1:24
AND I'M GOIN' WITH MY STANDARD PLAN:
1:24 - 1:26
COWBOYS GAME, DINNER AT 5:00,
1:26 - 1:28
AND SERVE DESSERT IN TIME FOR HOME ALONE.
1:28 - 1:30
[CHUCKLES]
1:30 - 1:33
THEY BROKE INTO THE WRONG KID'S HOUSE. HEH-HEH.
1:33 - 1:36
HEY, MAN, YOU GOT ME THINKIN' ABOUT DANG OLD MOM BOOMHAUER, MAN.
1:36 - 1:38
I THINK I'LL FLY OUT TO MIAMI BEACH, MAN.
1:38 - 1:40
TALK ABOUT A BLIND DATE WITH A NEIGHBOR, MAN.
1:40 - 1:43
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER, MAN. SHE'S 40.
1:43 - 1:45
SO YOU'RE LEAVING, TOO.
1:45 - 1:47
I HATE THANKSGIVING.
1:51 - 1:53
LET'S GO, BOBBY. IT'S ALMOST 10:00.
1:53 - 1:56
WITH THE DALLAS TRAFFIC, WE WON'T GET TO THE AIRPORT TILL NOON,
1:57 - 1:59
AND THAT FLIGHT LEAVES AT 4:00 WITH OR WITHOUT US.
1:59 - 2:00
[SNIFFING]
2:00 - 2:02
THE TURKEY SMELLS GOOD.
2:02 - 2:05
CAN I HOLD IT ON MY LAP TO SNIFF FOR THE RIDE?
2:05 - 2:07
[SIGHS]
2:07 - 2:09
THE TURKEY RIDES UP FRONT WITH ME, AWAY FROM THE REAR DEFROSTER.
2:09 - 2:12
I JUST TALKED TO YOUR GRANDMA, AND I WENT OUT ON A LIMB
2:12 - 2:14
AND PROMISED MOISTNESS AND SMOKINESS.
2:15 - 2:17
MY MOTHER CALLED? OH.
2:17 - 2:20
I WANTED TO TELL HER THAT I'M GONNA BAKE MY BROWN BETTY.
2:20 - 2:22
YEAH, UH, SHE SAID NOT TO BOTHER.
2:22 - 2:25
SHE'LL JUST PICK UP SOME SARA LEE.
2:25 - 2:27
UH, OH, SURE. BUT IF MY BROTHER WERE MAKING BROWN BETTY,
2:27 - 2:29
SHE'D FREAKING LICK THE BOWL.
2:29 - 2:31
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, HANK.
2:31 - 2:34
I HAVE TO GO TO THE DALLAS-FORT WORTH AIRPORT
2:34 - 2:37
TO PICK UP MY UNCLE WHO'S COMIN' IN FOR THANKSGIVING.
2:37 - 2:38
WHAT TIME'S HIS FLIGHT?
2:39 - 2:40
WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT?
2:40 - 2:41
4:00.
2:41 - 2:42
4:00. MMM-HMM?
2:42 - 2:44
I CAN DRIVE YOU TO THE AIRPORT.
2:44 - 2:46
OK. I GUESS THAT'LL SAVE ME SOME TIME.
2:46 - 2:47
WHICH UNCLE IS IT?
2:48 - 2:49
BILL.
2:49 - 2:51
HUH, SO YOU'RE NAMED AFTER HIM?
2:53 - 2:54
I SAID STAN.
2:56 - 2:59
OK, UNCLE HANK, I'M ALL READY.
2:59 - 3:01
MY FIRST TIME SEEIN' DADDY SINCE MAMA SECOND-DEGREE
3:01 - 3:03
ASSAULTED HIM WITH A FORK.
3:03 - 3:06
[EXCLAIMING] THIS IS SO EXCITING.
3:06 - 3:07
BOY, IT SURE IS.
3:07 - 3:11
NOW, I LIKE TO KEEP ALL OUR AIRLINE TICKETS IN THE TRAVEL CADDY.
3:11 - 3:12
LUANNE, IF YOU DON'T MIND...
3:12 - 3:14
UH...
3:14 - 3:17
UH, HANK, COULD I PLEASE TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
3:19 - 3:21
WELL, LUANNE DOES NOT HAVE A TICKET.
3:21 - 3:23
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY TICKETS FOR THE FAMILY.
3:23 - 3:25
THAT'S RIGHT. I BOUGHT TICKETS
3:25 - 3:27
FOR ALL 3 MEMBERS OF THE HILL FAMILY.
3:27 - 3:30
HANK HILL, PEGGY HILL AND BOBBY HILL.
3:30 - 3:31
THE HILLS.
3:31 - 3:33
[GASPS] WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
3:33 - 3:35
AS FAR AS LUANNE KNOWS, YOU LOVE HER
3:35 - 3:37
AND YOU CONSIDER HER A PART OF THIS FAMILY.
3:37 - 3:40
DO NOT LET HER KNOW THAT YOU NEGLECTED TO BUY HER A TICKET.
3:40 - 3:44
WELL, I THINK SHE'S GONNA FIND OUT WHEN WE LEAVE HER HERE.
3:44 - 3:48
NO, SIR. YOU WILL BUY LUANNE A TICKET AT THE AIRPORT.
3:48 - 3:49
AND IT IS NOT GONNA BE EASY,
3:50 - 3:52
BECAUSE THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING IS,
3:52 - 3:55
IN MY OPINION, ONE OF THE BUSIEST TRAVEL DAYS OF THE YEAR.
3:55 - 3:57
[CARS HONKING]
3:57 - 3:58
[ENGINE REVVING]
4:01 - 4:02
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
4:04 - 4:05
OK, BILL.
4:05 - 4:08
THAT ZONE'S FOR LOADING AND UNLOADING ONLY.
4:08 - 4:09
WE CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE.
4:09 - 4:12
WELL, THEN IT'S OFF TO UNCLE STU.
4:12 - 4:14
YOU SAID STAN.
4:14 - 4:15
[SIGHS]
4:15 - 4:19
OK, HANK, YOU WIN. STAN IT IS.
4:19 - 4:21
[SIGHS]
4:21 - 4:22
DID YOU PACK YOUR OWN BAGS
4:22 - 4:24
AND HAVE THEY BEEN IN YOUR SIGHT AT ALL TIMES?
4:24 - 4:26
WELL, I HAD TO SET 'EM ON THE CURB
4:26 - 4:28
WHEN I UNLOADED 'EM FROM THE TRUNK.
4:28 - 4:30
BUT THEY WERE IN YOUR SIGHT.
4:30 - 4:32
NO, I HAD MY BACK TURNED.
4:32 - 4:34
BUT JUST FOR A MOMENT.
4:34 - 4:37
WELL, I'D SAY IT WAS MORE LIKE A MINUTE THAN A MOMENT.
4:37 - 4:39
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST SAY THEY WERE IN YOUR SIGHT, HANK.
4:39 - 4:43
PEGGY, THE MAN IS AN OFFICIAL OF THE UNITED STATES AIRLINES.
4:43 - 4:45
I'D BE COMMITTING PERJURY.
4:48 - 4:49
IT'S CLEAN.
4:50 - 4:51
SO JUST THE 2 BAGS, THEN?
4:51 - 4:53
YUP. AND THIS TANK OF PROPANE.
4:53 - 4:54
OH, MAN!
4:55 - 4:56
OH, DON'T WORRY.
4:56 - 4:58
THAT WAS IN MY SIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME.
4:58 - 5:00
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
5:00 - 5:01
[SIGHS]
5:01 - 5:05
THEY LET THAT WOMAN BRING AN OXYGEN TANK ON THE PLANE.
5:05 - 5:06
[WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
5:07 - 5:09
[WHOOPS]
5:09 - 5:12
I GET TO USE MY JUNIOR-COLLEGE I.D.
5:12 - 5:13
THAT'S ME IN THE PICTURE.
5:13 - 5:16
I GOT THE GIGGLES 'CAUSE THERE WERE THESE 4 GIRLS
5:17 - 5:18
AND THEY...
5:18 - 5:19
[LAUGHING]
5:19 - 5:21
[CHUCKLES]
5:21 - 5:23
WELL, NOW WE'VE ALL GOT THE GIGGLES.
5:23 - 5:26
YOU BETTER SIT DOWN OVER THERE. YEAH.
5:26 - 5:28
ANY SEATS LEFT TO BILLINGS?
5:28 - 5:30
YES, SIR. THAT'LL BE $719.
5:30 - 5:34
WHAT? I PAID $250 FOR MY TICKET.
5:34 - 5:35
THAT'S THE PRICE I WANT.
5:35 - 5:38
SIR, YOU BOUGHT YOUR TICKET 6 MONTHS AGO.
5:38 - 5:41
YOU ARE BUYING MISS PLATTER'S TICKET ON THE DAY OF TRAVEL.
5:41 - 5:44
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN. MISS PLATTER IS TRAVELING TO MONTANA
5:44 - 5:46
TO SEE HER FATHER FOR THANKSGIVING.
5:46 - 5:48
SHE HASN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS.
5:48 - 5:51
DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOUR AIRLINE?
5:52 - 5:53
[SIGHS]
5:53 - 5:55
I'M GONNA WRITE A PERSONAL CHECK,
5:55 - 5:58
AND IN THE MEMO LINE I AM WRITING "UNFAIR."
6:01 - 6:03
[MAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
6:03 - 6:06
HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA BE IN ARIZONA, MR. REDCORN?
6:06 - 6:08
WELL, JUST FOR THE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND.
6:08 - 6:11
HEY, DO YOUR PEOPLE EVEN CELEBRATE THANKSGIVIN'?
6:11 - 6:13
WE DID, ONCE.
6:17 - 6:18
[RAIN PATTERING]
6:19 - 6:21
UH, SUG', MAYBE I SHOULD SEE JOHN REDCORN TO THE GATE,
6:21 - 6:23
MAKE SURE HE GETS OFF ALL RIGHT.
6:23 - 6:25
GOOD IDEA, SWEETHEART.
6:25 - 6:29
JOSEPH AND I WILL GO FIND A BROKEN METER TO PARK THE BUG-ABAGO.
6:30 - 6:32
UNCLE HANK, A MAN JUST ASKED ME
6:32 - 6:36
IF I WANTED TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB.
6:36 - 6:38
COULD YOU GET ME AN APPLICATION?
6:38 - 6:41
WELL, I WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE 'EM ON THE PLANE, LUANNE.
6:41 - 6:42
(KAHN) HEY, HANK!
6:42 - 6:45
LOOK, MINH, IT'S THE EARLY BIRDS.
6:45 - 6:46
[LAUGHS]
6:46 - 6:49
HEY, HANK, OUR FLIGHT SAME TIME AS YOURS.
6:49 - 6:50
I SAW YOU LEAVE HOUSE AT 10:00 A.M.
6:51 - 6:52
WE LEAVE 5 HOURS LATER.
6:52 - 6:54
YOU STILL WAITING, YOU DUMB REDNECK.
6:54 - 6:56
YEAH, OK. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
6:56 - 6:58
OH, YEAH. YOU, TOO.
7:00 - 7:03
OK, MOTHER PLATTER, WE'RE ALL SET TO BOARD HERE,
7:03 - 7:06
SO, UH, HOPE YOU'RE READY TO EAT SOME SMOKED TURKEY
7:06 - 7:08
WITH HUMBLE PIE FOR DESSERT.
7:10 - 7:13
UH, NO, PEGGY'S STILL PLANNIN' TO MAKE A BROWN BETTY.
7:13 - 7:15
YEAH, YEAH, I WAS JUST, UH...
7:15 - 7:17
NEVER MIND.
7:17 - 7:20
(MAN ON P.A.SYSTEM) GOOD AFTERNOON, PASSENGERS TRAVELING TO BILLINGS.
7:20 - 7:22
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE BAD WEATHER
7:22 - 7:24
HAS FORCED A DELAY OF YOUR FLIGHT.
7:24 - 7:25
WHAT?
7:25 - 7:27
BUT MY DADDY'S ON A DAY PASS.
7:27 - 7:29
EXCUSE ME, SIR. HANK HILL.
7:29 - 7:32
I WOULD LIKE TO VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES IN ANY WAY NECESSARY
7:32 - 7:36
TO HELP GET THIS PLANE OFF THE GROUND, SO PUT ME TO WORK.
7:36 - 7:39
SIR, CROWDING ME WILL NOT GET YOU OUT ANY FASTER.
7:39 - 7:43
IT'S SLEETING OUT THERE AND THE RUNWAYS ARE LIKE SKATING RINKS.
7:47 - 7:48
[GASPS]
7:51 - 7:55
UH, UNCLE HANK, THEY CAN'T DELAY THANKSGIVING, CAN THEY?
7:55 - 7:56
THEY JUST DID.
8:04 - 8:07
NO, MOTHER PLATTER, I'M NOT CALLING FROM THE PLANE.
8:07 - 8:09
THOSE PHONES ARE ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES.
8:09 - 8:11
WE JUST HAVE A SMALL DELAY.
8:11 - 8:12
HANK, I WANNA MAKE SURE
8:12 - 8:14
MY MOM HAS ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR MY BROWN BETTY.
8:14 - 8:17
WHICH I HAVE MADE EVERY YEAR FROM 1976
8:17 - 8:19
UNTIL I DIE, INCLUSIVE.
8:19 - 8:22
I WILL NEED MARGARINE AND NOT BUTTER.
8:22 - 8:23
IS THAT PEGGY?
8:23 - 8:24
(HANK) YEAH.
8:24 - 8:26
TELL HER WE USE BUTTER IN THIS HOUSE.
8:26 - 8:27
UH, OK.
8:30 - 8:32
SHE GOT BUTTER, DIDN'T SHE?
8:36 - 8:37
[TIMER DINGS]
8:39 - 8:41
(MAN ON RADIO) OOH, YOU SAID IT, BING.
8:41 - 8:44
THE WEATHER OUTSIDE HERE IS FRIGHTFUL.
8:44 - 8:47
IF YOU'RE FLYING OUT D.F.W., BAD NEWS.
8:47 - 8:49
ALL FLIGHTS ARE DELAYED.
8:49 - 8:50
[SNIGGERS]
8:52 - 8:54
[ALL PROTESTING]
8:55 - 8:58
THEY SHOULD LET THE MAN DO HIS JOB.
8:58 - 9:00
DAD, I KNOW YOU SAID TO TRY,
9:00 - 9:02
BUT I CAN'T EAT THIS.
9:02 - 9:03
IT'S SALAD.
9:03 - 9:05
HANK, THE BOY NEEDS PROTEIN OR HE'LL PASS OUT.
9:05 - 9:07
NOW, BREAK OPEN THAT BOX.
9:07 - 9:09
THANKSGIVING WILL GO ON WITH A ONE-LEGGED TURKEY.
9:09 - 9:11
ONE-LEGGED TURKEY?
9:11 - 9:14
I'M NOT EVEN GONNA DIGNIFY THAT WITH A RESPONSE.
9:14 - 9:16
OTHER THAN, "SHAME ON YOU."
9:16 - 9:17
OH!
9:17 - 9:18
(CONNIE) HEY, BOBBY.
9:18 - 9:20
OOH, CONNIE.
9:20 - 9:23
HOW'D YOU GET THAT TERIYAKI-BEEF BOWL SO FAST?
9:23 - 9:24
MY DAD.
9:24 - 9:26
[BOBBY GROANING]
9:26 - 9:29
HERE YOU GO, MA'AM.
9:29 - 9:31
UH-UH, I'M DISTRICT MANAGER, PITCHING IN.
9:31 - 9:33
CRAZY DAY, HUH?
9:33 - 9:34
[LAUGHS]
9:34 - 9:36
GO TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE.
9:36 - 9:38
MR. SOUPHANOUSINPHONE WILL GIVE YOU SOME FOOD.
9:38 - 9:39
HOLD UP, BOBBY.
9:39 - 9:41
THAT AIN'T RIGHT. WE'RE NOT ANIMALS.
9:41 - 9:43
WE'LL WAIT IN LINE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
9:43 - 9:45
HANK, THE ABILITY TO CUT AHEAD IN LINE
9:45 - 9:48
IS WHAT SEPARATES US FROM THE ANIMALS.
9:48 - 9:51
OK, PEOPLE, PERSONAL INSULTS AND CRITICISMS DIRECTED TOWARD ME
9:51 - 9:53
WILL NOT GET YOUR PLANE OUT ANY FASTER.
9:53 - 9:54
IN JUST A FEW MINUTES WE WILL BEGIN--
9:55 - 9:56
(MAN) YOU'RE AN ASS!
9:56 - 9:59
WE WILL BEGIN DE-ICING YOUR PLANE FOR TAKE-OFF.
9:59 - 10:01
THANK YOU, SIR.
10:01 - 10:03
RUTHANN, I WAS JUST IN THE BATHROOM NEXT TO THE PILOT.
10:03 - 10:06
HE TOLD ME THEY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WORKERS TO DE-ICE THEIR PLANES.
10:07 - 10:09
BUT T.W.A. DOES, AND THEY'RE HONORING ALL TICKETS.
10:09 - 10:11
[PEGGY SPEAKING SPANISH]
10:11 - 10:15
YES, DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN CATCH THE T.W.A. FLIGHT?
10:15 - 10:17
I THINK IT'S GATE CINCUENTA Y OCHO.
10:17 - 10:19
[WOMAN CHATTERING ON P.A. SYSTEM]
10:20 - 10:21
58.
10:21 - 10:23
COME ON, HANK. YOU HEARD THE MAN.
10:23 - 10:26
WE HAVE TO GO TO GATE CINCUENTA Y OCHO. ANDALE!
10:26 - 10:28
THAT WAS NOTHING BUT THIRD-HAND GOSSIP.
10:28 - 10:30
YOU'RE ACTIN' LIKE YOU'RE DRUNK.
10:32 - 10:33
[GASPS]
10:33 - 10:34
LOOK, BOBBY, CHOC FULL OF CHIPS
10:34 - 10:36
JUST OPENED A SECOND REGISTER.
10:36 - 10:37
OH, GOD!
10:37 - 10:39
HANK! HANK! BOBBY GOT AWAY.
10:39 - 10:40
WHAT?
10:40 - 10:42
GET HIM! GO GET HIM!
10:42 - 10:44
(HANK) BOBBY! WHAT ARE YOU...
10:45 - 10:46
[PANTING]
10:47 - 10:48
[GRUNTS]
10:48 - 10:50
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
10:50 - 10:52
[PANTING]
10:52 - 10:53
COOKIES.
10:53 - 10:55
HANK, DID YOU HEAR THAT ANNOUNCEMENT?
10:55 - 10:59
THE GATE AGENT JUST SAID WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE T.W.A. FLIGHT.
10:59 - 11:01
WHAT? UH, ALL RIGHT. LET ME GO ASK HIM AND--
11:01 - 11:02
NO, THERE IS NO TIME.
11:02 - 11:04
THE PLANE LEAVES IN 10 MINUTES.
11:05 - 11:09
JOSEPH, HERE'S A ROLL OF QUARTER-SIZED ALUMINUM SLUGS.
11:09 - 11:11
GO KNOCK YOURSELF OUT AT THE VIDEO ARCADE.
11:11 - 11:12
[CHUCKLING]
11:15 - 11:17
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
11:17 - 11:21
SHACKELFORD. ADMIRAL RUSTY SHACKELFORD.
11:21 - 11:23
I'LL KEEP MY COAT.
11:23 - 11:26
ADMIRAL, ADMIRAL.
11:26 - 11:28
LADY ADMIRAL, ADMIRAL.
11:37 - 11:38
I'M SORRY, ADMIRAL.
11:38 - 11:41
THERE'S NO SMOKING IN THE TERMINAL BUILDING.
11:43 - 11:47
YOU'RE NOT SORRY, AND I'M NOT AN ADMIRAL.
11:51 - 11:55
FOR THE 3RD TIME, SIR, WE DON'T EVEN FLY TO MONTANA.
11:55 - 11:56
WELL, YOU CHECK IT AGAIN.
11:56 - 11:59
MY WIFE HEARD AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
11:59 - 12:02
TELL HER, PEGGY.
12:02 - 12:05
ALL RIGHT, PEGGY, YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
12:05 - 12:06
THAT'S STRIKE ONE.
12:06 - 12:08
WHAT?
12:08 - 12:09
OH, DON'T START WITH THAT BASEBALL.
12:10 - 12:11
THAT'S 2.
12:11 - 12:14
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE GETS TO 3?
12:14 - 12:15
HE DOESN'T KNOW.
12:15 - 12:17
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?
12:17 - 12:18
DID WE MISS THE FLIGHT?
12:18 - 12:20
NO. IT'S BEEN CANCELED TILL TOMORROW MORNING.
12:20 - 12:22
CANCELED? NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME.
12:22 - 12:25
I KNOW MY RIGHTS AS A PASSENGER, AND YOU--
12:25 - 12:26
ATTENTION, REMAINING PASSENGERS.
12:26 - 12:28
WE ARE HOLDING A BLOCK OF ROOMS AT THE ECONOSUITES.
12:28 - 12:30
A SHUTTLE VAN IS WAITING TO TAKE YOU THERE.
12:33 - 12:36
NOPE. UH-UH. THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE AND NOT ENOUGH SEATS.
12:36 - 12:37
DO THE MATH, HANK.
12:37 - 12:40
WELL, IF THIS VAN FILLS UP, THEY'LL SEND A 2ND ONE.
12:40 - 12:43
HANK RUTHERFORD HILL, IS "NAIVE" YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
12:43 - 12:45
THERE IS NO SECOND VAN, AND THERE WILL NEVER BE
12:46 - 12:47
ENOUGH ROOMS AT THE HOTEL.
12:47 - 12:49
(BOOMHAUER) HEY, YO, MAN! HANK, MAN!
12:49 - 12:50
LOOKS LIKE A DANG OLD LAYOVER, MAN.
12:50 - 12:52
LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO WIND UP
12:52 - 12:54
SOMETHING SPECIAL ON THE GROUND, MAN.
12:54 - 12:55
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
12:55 - 12:56
THE HOTEL VANS ARE OVER HERE.
12:56 - 12:57
WHERE IS HE GOING?
12:57 - 12:59
HANK, WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR HERE
12:59 - 13:02
CALLED "THANKSGIVING AT THE AIRPORT."
13:02 - 13:06
NOW, WE CAN EITHER STAND HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE THE FRENCH,
13:06 - 13:09
OR WE CAN BEAT THE REST OF THESE CHUMPS TO THE HOTEL. NOW, COME ON.
13:09 - 13:12
HANK, PEGGY!
13:13 - 13:14
[GROANS]
13:14 - 13:16
(BILL) HEY, DID YOU HEAR?
13:16 - 13:18
UH, THE WHOLE AIRPORT'S SHUT DOWN.
13:18 - 13:20
WE'RE STUCK HERE ALL NIGHT.
13:20 - 13:22
BILL, GET THE CAR.
13:23 - 13:26
MR. DAUTERIVE, DID YOUR UNCLE'S FLIGHT GET IN OK?
13:26 - 13:27
OH, YEAH, SURE.
13:27 - 13:29
SO CAN WE MEET HIM?
13:29 - 13:31
NO. HE--HE'S BACK IN ARLEN.
13:31 - 13:33
THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?
13:33 - 13:36
WE HAD A FIGHT. HE BIT ME.
13:36 - 13:40
BILL, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE.
13:40 - 13:41
DO YOU WANT A RIDE OR NOT?
13:41 - 13:43
BILL, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD.
13:43 - 13:45
NO, DON'T WORRY, PEGGY.
13:45 - 13:46
[TIRES SCREECHING]
13:53 - 13:55
[BUZZING]
13:57 - 13:59
STRIKE 2-AND-A-HALF.
14:01 - 14:03
[SIGHS]
14:04 - 14:05
[GRUNTS]
14:13 - 14:14
UM.
14:16 - 14:17
[EXCLAIMS]
14:17 - 14:19
GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
14:19 - 14:21
THERE'S NO SMOKIN' IN THE AIRPORT.
14:24 - 14:27
(HANK) WELL, THAT WAS A WONDERFUL WASTE OF TIME.
14:31 - 14:33
[INHALING]
14:36 - 14:37
[EXCLAIMS]
14:38 - 14:40
[YELLS]
14:40 - 14:43
ADMIRAL IN DISTRESS! ADMIRAL IN DISTRESS!
14:45 - 14:48
NOW, WE WANNA BE ON THE FIRST FLIGHT TOMORROW MORNING.
14:48 - 14:52
SO I'M GONNA SET MY WATCH ALARM FOR 5:30.
14:52 - 14:55
(MAN ON P.A. SYSTEM) PAGING PASSENGER TOM GANNOWAY.
14:55 - 14:58
PLEASE PICK UP THE NEAREST WHITE COURTESY PHONE.
14:58 - 15:01
PEGGY, PEGGY I THINK THAT'S TOM GANNOWAY.
15:02 - 15:05
ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
15:11 - 15:12
[WATCH ALARM BEEPING]
15:12 - 15:15
(MAN ON P.A.SYSTEM) GOOD MORNING, AND HAPPY THANKSGIVIN' TO YOU ALL.
15:15 - 15:18
I'M PLEASED TOANNOUNCE FLIGHT 211 TO BILLINGS IS NOW BOARDING.
15:18 - 15:20
WE KNOW IT'S BEEN A DIFFICULT NIGHT,
15:20 - 15:22
BUT IN APPRECIATION OF YOUR PATIENCE,
15:22 - 15:23
YOUR HEADSETS WILL BE FREE.
15:23 - 15:25
MISS PLATTER, WE'VE OVERSOLD THE COACH SECTION.
15:26 - 15:28
SINCE YOU'RE TRAVELING ON A FULL-FARE COACH TICKET,
15:28 - 15:30
WE'RE GOING TO BUMP YOU UP TO FIRST CLASS.
15:30 - 15:31
[GIGGLES]
15:31 - 15:32
GOOD MORNING, HILLS.
15:32 - 15:36
YES, I USE GOLD CLUB MILES TO UPGRADE TO HONEYMOON SUITE.
15:36 - 15:39
BEST REST OF MY LIFE.
15:40 - 15:43
YEAH? WELL, I WAS TOO EXCITED TO SLEEP, I TELL YOU WHAT.
15:43 - 15:45
I'M GOIN' TO VISIT MY IN-LAWS.
15:46 - 15:49
I'M SORRY, SIR. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHECK THAT.
15:49 - 15:50
[SIGHS] THIS ISN'T FAIR.
15:50 - 15:52
IT MEETS THE CUBIC FEET REQUIREMENT.
15:52 - 15:53
IT'S JUST ODDLY SHAPED.
15:53 - 15:55
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, HANK.
15:55 - 15:57
THERE'S NO TIME. JUST CHECK IT.
15:57 - 16:00
(STEWARDESS) PLEASE HURRY UP AND TAKE YOUR SEATS.
16:00 - 16:03
WE ONLY HAVE A SMALL BREAK IN THE WEATHER TO TAKE OFF.
16:03 - 16:05
WELL, THEY'RE STILL LOADING THE LUGGAGE.
16:05 - 16:06
LOOKS LIKE A GOOD CREW.
16:07 - 16:09
BOY, THAT BIG GIRL CAN REALLY TOSS A BAG.
16:09 - 16:10
LOOK AT HER.
16:12 - 16:15
UM. THAT CURTAIN OVER THERE. WHAT'S IT FOR?
16:15 - 16:17
IT SEPARATES FIRST CLASS FROM COACH.
16:17 - 16:19
I'D LIKE THAT CLOSED.
16:19 - 16:21
HEY, THERE'S MY TURKEY BOX.
16:21 - 16:23
[CHUCKLES]
16:23 - 16:26
AH, THOSE DOGS SURE KNOW A GOOD SMOKED TURKEY WHEN THEY SMELL IT.
16:26 - 16:28
(HANDLER) LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
16:32 - 16:34
HEY, THEY'RE NOT GONNA FORGET MY TURKEY, ARE THEY?
16:34 - 16:36
PEGGY, GET THE STEWARDESS.
16:36 - 16:39
OH, NO, FORGET IT. HERE COMES SOMEBODY.
16:39 - 16:42
(HANK) WHAT? WHAT IN THE HECK IS HE DOIN'?
16:42 - 16:45
MY GOD, HANK! THAT'S THE BOMB SQUAD.
16:45 - 16:46
THERE'S A BOMB?
16:46 - 16:49
NO, NO, IT'S NOT A BOMB. IT'S A TURKEY.
16:49 - 16:51
I-IT'S A SMOKED TURKEY, YOU IDIOT.
16:51 - 16:54
GET AWAY FROM THERE. STOP THAT!
16:54 - 16:56
(HANK) YOU--YOU THERE.
16:56 - 16:58
OH, PLEASE, GOD, NO!
17:00 - 17:02
[EXPLOSION]
17:06 - 17:07
[GAGGING]
17:10 - 17:13
(STEWARDESS) I'M SORRY, BUT THE BAD WEATHER HAS MOVED BACK IN,
17:13 - 17:15
AND WE'VE LOST OUR WINDOW FOR TAKE-OFF.
17:15 - 17:17
YOU BLEW UP THE WRONG MAN'S TURKEY.
17:17 - 17:19
NOW GET ME TO MONTANA.
17:19 - 17:22
I'VE GOT 10 HOURS TO BUY AND SMOKE A BIRD.
17:23 - 17:25
WELL, D.F.W. IS COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN.
17:26 - 17:27
[EXCLAIMS]
17:27 - 17:28
LOVE FIELD IS GETTIN' FLIGHTS OUT.
17:28 - 17:30
THERE'S ONE TO MONTANA THAT LEAVES IN AN HOUR.
17:30 - 17:33
LOVE FIELD IS CLEAR ACROSS TOWN.
17:33 - 17:35
THE AIRPORT BUS IS LEAVIN' IN 5 MINUTES.
17:35 - 17:36
IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE.
17:40 - 17:43
D-DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING? W-WHAT'D HE SAY?
17:43 - 17:45
UH, NOTHING.
17:45 - 17:48
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA BE HERE A WHILE.
17:48 - 17:50
DANG AIRLINES, YOU KNOW.
17:50 - 17:52
YEAH.
17:56 - 17:57
GET YOUR BAGS, START WALKING.
17:57 - 17:59
BOBBY, LUANNE, FOLLOW ME.
18:03 - 18:05
HANK, WHERE ARE WE GOING? WHAT THE--
18:05 - 18:06
JUST WALK.
18:06 - 18:10
WALK SLOWLY. WALK. WALK. WALK.
18:10 - 18:11
RUN!
18:11 - 18:12
[PEGGY AND BOBBY GROANING]
18:16 - 18:18
[BOBBY PANTING]
18:18 - 18:22
OH, HANK, THEY ARE JAMMED BUTT TO GUT IN THERE. THERE'S NO ROOM.
18:22 - 18:24
YOU SAID THIS WAS WAR, RIGHT?
18:24 - 18:26
WELL, I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING FAIR.
18:26 - 18:27
WE'RE GONNA DO IT YOUR WAY, PEGGY,
18:28 - 18:29
THE DIRTY WAY.
18:31 - 18:32
HOLD ON. I GOT 4 MORE.
18:32 - 18:34
YOU CAN TRY.
18:44 - 18:46
BOBBY, I NEED AN INCH.
18:46 - 18:47
[GROANS]
18:47 - 18:48
[GRUNTS]
18:48 - 18:50
MONTANA, HERE WE COME.
18:50 - 18:51
[ENGINE REVVING]
19:00 - 19:01
[SIGHS]
19:01 - 19:03
WAIT. STOP THE BUS.
19:03 - 19:04
[BRAKES SQUEALING]
19:09 - 19:11
Y'ALL HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
19:13 - 19:14
NO, IT WAS NOT BROWN BETTY.
19:14 - 19:16
NO, IT WAS BREAD.
19:17 - 19:20
WHEN I GAVE UP MY PLACE ON THAT BUS,
19:20 - 19:24
I ASSUMED THE FOOD COURT WOULD BE OPEN.
19:27 - 19:30
WELL, I TOLD MY MOTHER WE WEREN'T GONNA MAKE IT,
19:30 - 19:31
AND SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED.
19:31 - 19:35
AND LUANNE, HONEY, I'M SORRY, BUT YOUR FATHER...
19:35 - 19:37
YOUR FATHER HAD TO GO BACK TO THE OIL RIG.
19:37 - 19:39
THERE WERE NO FLIGHT DELAYS IN MONTANA.
19:39 - 19:40
[SOBS]
19:40 - 19:43
THE TEMPERATURE'S BEEN IN THE MID-SEVENTIES.
19:43 - 19:44
[SOBBING] OH, NO!
19:44 - 19:45
[SNIFFING] THEY WENT SWIMMING.
19:45 - 19:47
[PEGGY CRYING]
19:47 - 19:49
HEY, BOOMHAUER, I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET TO SEE YOUR MOTHER.
19:49 - 19:51
HEY, MAN, YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT SORRY, MAN.
19:51 - 19:54
THAT DANG OLD STEWARDESS, DANG OLD BORN AGAIN
19:54 - 19:56
TALKING ABOUT A DANG OLD COLD SHOWER.
19:58 - 20:01
4 HOURS STUCK ON THE TARMAC.
20:01 - 20:03
I LOOK OUT WINDOW, WHAT DO I SEE?
20:03 - 20:04
A FROZEN GRIBBLE.
20:04 - 20:07
THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME GOIN'
20:07 - 20:09
WAS MY WILL TO SMOKE AGAIN
20:09 - 20:13
AND THE ASHTRAYS FROM AN ALITALIA FLIGHT.
20:13 - 20:14
(JOHN) THERE YOU ARE, NANCY.
20:14 - 20:17
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING ALL OVER THE AIRPORT FOR YOU.
20:17 - 20:19
OH, DALE, I SEARCHED FOR YOU AS WELL.
20:23 - 20:27
[SNIFFING] THIS IS THE WORST THANKSGIVING EVER.
20:36 - 20:37
COME ON, EVERYBODY.
20:37 - 20:40
WE'VE ALL GOT A LOT TO BE THANKFUL ABOUT.
20:40 - 20:44
IT DOESN'T MATTER IF WE'RE IN MONTANA OR CALIFORNIA OR MIAMI.
20:44 - 20:46
THE IMPORTANT THING IS WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
20:47 - 20:49
SO LET'S HAVE OUR THANKSGIVING DINNER.
20:49 - 20:52
NOW, UH, I'VE GOT A STICK OF GUM.
20:52 - 20:54
I WAS SAVING IT FOR THE AIRPLANE,
20:54 - 20:56
YOU KNOW, TO POP MY EARS.
20:57 - 21:00
I HAVE SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA FROM PAPA CAPONE'S.
21:00 - 21:03
YO, MAN, I GOT THEM DANG OLD AIRPLANE NUTS, MAN.
21:03 - 21:05
DANG OLD BAG, MAN. THAT'S ABOUT ALL I GOT.
21:05 - 21:07
I HAVE A CAN OF YAMS.
21:07 - 21:10
UH, I GOT SOME TURKEY AND ALL THE TRIMMINGS.
21:10 - 21:13
UH, ACTUALLY, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
21:14 - 21:15
I--I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN UNCLE STAN.
21:15 - 21:17
I--I MADE HIM UP.
21:17 - 21:18
YEAH, YEAH, I KIND OF FIGURED THAT.
21:18 - 21:20
VERY SAD.
21:20 - 21:22
I GUESS COLD PIZZA'S BETTER THAN NOTHING.
21:23 - 21:25
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE COLD.
21:29 - 21:30
(HANK) OK.
21:30 - 21:31
AS IS TRADITION,
21:32 - 21:35
I WILL NOW CARVE THE THANKSGIVING PIZZA.
21:35 - 21:36
(PEGGY) WAIT A SECOND.
21:36 - 21:38
WITH THOSE SUGAR PACKETS,
21:38 - 21:41
THESE PATS OF MARGARINE, SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA CRUST,
21:41 - 21:45
AND THAT PROPANE GRILL, I CAN JERRY BAKE US UP A BROWN BETTY.
21:45 - 21:47
(HANK) WELL, YOU DO MAKE THE BEST BROWN BETTY--
21:48 - 21:49
(PEGGY) YES, I DO.
22:26 - 22:28
(BILL) I HATE THANKSGIVING.