Propaniac

S04E03 - Bills are Made to Be Broken

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    ♪ NO TIME FOR LOSERS ♪

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    ♪ 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD ♪

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    (SPORTS JOCK) SPORTS JOCK.

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    (CHAD) AND CHAD. WE'RE BACK.

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    NOW, DON'T TELL ME SPORTS JOCK TOOK PICKINS OVER CURNEY?

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    (SPORTS JOCK) CHAD,

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    IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO TELL YOU, I WON'T TELL YOU.

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    CHANGE OF SUBJECT.

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    [ALL CHUCKLING]

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    HERE'S A TOPIC FOR THE SPORTS JOCK.

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    ARLEN HIGH'S VERY OWN SENIOR RUNNIN' BACK, RICKY SUGGS.

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    SHH. EVERYBODY DRINK QUIET.

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    (SPORTS JOCK) OH, YEAH. 4 TOUCHDOWNS LAST NIGHT.

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    NOW, I WAS AT THE ARROYO DINER

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    AND RICKY WAS THE ONLY THING ANYONE WAS TALKIN' ABOUT.

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    THAT IS, EXCEPT FOR THE ARROYO'S LIME AMBROSIA.

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    MMM-MMM. I CALL THAT UPTOWN GOOD EATING.

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    YOU KNOW, IF RICKY KEEPS UP THIS PACE,

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    HE'LL CAPTURE THE CAREER TOUCHDOWN RECORD.

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    WHICH, I MIGHT ADD, HAS STOOD FOR OVER 20 YEARS.

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    WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OUR SPORTS JOCK AND CHAD "QUESTION OF THE DAY."

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    WHO CURRENTLY HOLDS THAT RECORD?

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    AND HERE'S THE TRICKY PART.

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    WHAT POSITION DID HE PLAY?

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    WINNER GETS A SPORTS JOCK T-SHIRT

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    AND DINNER FOR TW0 AT THE ARROYO.

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    UPTOWN.

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    WE'RE SPORTS JOCK AND CHAD, 2 FACES BETTER OFF IN RADIO.

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    WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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    [PHONE RINGING]

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    YO, MAN! DANG OL' BILL DAUTERIVE.

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    DANG OL' DEFENSIVE LINEMAN.

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    [PEOPLE CHEERING]

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    I DON'T WANNA MISS IT IF RICKY TIES MY RECORD.

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    I'M GOING TO THE LITTLE LINEMAN'S ROOM NOW.

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    (DALE) THIS RECORD IS ALL BILL'S GOT.

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    SHOULD WE ROCK-PAPER-SCISSOR

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    TO SEE WHO KEEPS HIM FROM KILLIN' HIMSELF

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    IN THE BATHROOM?

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    WELL, HE SEEMS OK.

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    (ANNOUNCER) INTERCEPTION!

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    WHO IS IT? I'M OUT OF FOCUS.

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    FOCUS ME, HANK.

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    IT'S RICKY.

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    HE'S GONNA TAKE IT BACK ALL THE WAY.

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    [WHISTLE BLOWING]

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    [DRUMS BEATING]

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    WAY TO GO, RICKY!

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    RICKY!

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    (ANNOUNCER) AND THAT TIES THE RECORD

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    FOR CAREER TOUCHDOWNS

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    CURRENTLY HELD BY CLASS OF '74'S BILL DAUTERIVE,

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    WHO'S HERE IN THE STANDS TONIGHT.

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    LET'S GIVE THEM BOTH A HAND.

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    [CROWD APPLAUDING]

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    [BUGLES SOUNDING]

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    [MEN WHISTLING]

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    YOU'RE THE MAN, RICKY!

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    (HANK) WELL, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BILL.

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    I'VE NEVER DONE A RADIO INTERVIEW BEFORE,

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    BUT HARDLY A WEEK GOES BY THAT I DON'T DO A TELEPHONE SURVEY

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    ABOUT MY LONG-DISTANCE SERVICE.

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    UH, BILL, I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU NERVOUS,

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    BUT THIS IS THE SPORTS JOCK AND CHAD.

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    NO, I JUST SEE IT LIKE TALKIN' TO SOME OLD FRIENDS.

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    EXCUSE ME.

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    [RETCHING]

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    [COUGHS]

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    [SNIFFLES]

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    MAYBE I NEED A MINT.

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    [TELEPHONE RINGING]

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    OK, THIS IS IT.

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    [ECHOING] HELLO, SPORTS JOCK.

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    HELLO, CHAD.

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    [STATIC BUZZING]

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    (SPORTS JOCK) HEY, WE GOT A LITTLE FEEDBACK HERE.

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    [ECHOING] IS YOUR RADIO ON, BILL?

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    SAY NO. SAY NO.

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    (SPORTS JOCK) BILL, IT WOULD JUST TEAR ME UP

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    IF SOME YOUNG BUCK WAS ABOUT TO GET MY RECORD.

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    SOME FOLKS DRINK, BUT I FIND WHAT'S BEST FOR WHAT AILS ME

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    IS TO HEAD ON DOWN TO THE ARROYO DINER

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    FOR THEIR DELICIOUS CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK JUST SOPPING IN CREAM GRAVY.

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    (CHAD) MMM. THAT IS UPTOWN.

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    BUT LET'S GET BACK TO BILL.

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    I LIKE THE YAM BISCUITS.

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    BILL, OUR LISTENERS WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR RECORD.

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    OH, YEAH.

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    [CLEARS THROAT]

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    IT WAS 1974

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    AND WE WERE PLAYIN' THE WAHACHIE COWBOYS.

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    THE BALL WAS ON THE 3-YARD LINE WITH 5 SECONDS LEFT.

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    WE NEEDED A TOUCHDOWN TO WIN, AND THAT'S WHEN COACH CALLED FOR

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    THE BILLDOZER.

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    ♪[IRONMAN BY BLACK SABBATH PLAYING]

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    ♪ I AM IRONMAN ♪

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    [CROWD CHEERING]

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    (BOOMHAUER) MAN! DANG OL' SET, MAN. DANG OL' SET, MAN.

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    TAKE A HIKE.

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    [GRUNTING]

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    [WHISTLE BLOWING]

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    [CROWD CHEERING]

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    YEAH. CHIPPED MY SPINE ON THAT PLAY.

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    ♪[BAND PLAYING]

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    (HANK) WELL, LOOK AT BILL. LUCKY DOG.

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    YOU KNOW, THE PRINCIPAL COMPED HIS TICKET.

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    ALMOST MAKES ME WISH SOME KID WOULD MAKE A RUN AT ONE OF MY RECORDS.

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    [LAUGHING]

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    WON'T EVER HAPPEN.

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    [BUGLE SOUNDING]

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    (ANNOUNCER) RICKY SUGGS GETS THE HAND-OFF.

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    THIS COULD BE IT.

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    [THUDDING]

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    OH, WHAT A HIT! SUGGS IS DOWN.

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    [GROANS]

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    (HANK) LOOKS LIKE IT'S HIS KNEE.

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    BOY, IF HE WASN'T PLAYIN' ON SAINT AUGUSTINE GRASS, I'D...

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    I DON'T EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT IT.

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    WAY TO GO!

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    FOR A SECOND, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

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    WHO WAS HAPPY ABOUT RICKY BEING HURT.

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    SHE SAID IT.

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    [GRUNTING]

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    [SQUEAKING]

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    RICKY SUGGS, I WAS SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR INJURY.

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    TORN A.C.L?

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    YOU ARE LUCKY YOU ARE NOT A HORSE, YOUNG MAN.

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    DOCTORS SAY I'M OUT FOR THE SEASON.

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    OH, PLEASE. WHAT DO DOCTORS KNOW?

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    A DOCTOR TOLD ME I MIGHT NOT WALK AGAIN.

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    WELL, NOT ONLY AM I WALKING, I HEAR HIS MARRIAGE HAS GONE SOUTH, TOO.

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    YEAH, OK.

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    THAT'S THE ATTITUDE.

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    NOW, GET OVER THERE AND SPOT ME, RICKY.

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    (SPORTS JOCK) THAT BENNETT BOY'S A HORSE, ALL RIGHT.

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    AND WAIT TILL HE HITS JUNIOR HIGH.

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    (CHAD) OH, YEAH, HE CAN PLAY FOOTBALL.

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    SPORTS JOCK, THIS IS NOT A RUMOR.

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    RICKY SUGGS, BACK IN ACTION THIS FRIDAY.

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    FUNK AND WAGNALL!

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    HE'LL BE GOING FOR THE TOUCHDOWN RECORD AGAINST HENTAFF.

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    THAT KID IS UPTOWN ALL THE WAY.

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    ONE WEEK AFTER A TORN A.C.L.

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    ONLY RICKY AND I KNOW HOW TOUGH IT IS TO GET THIS FAR.

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    HE WON'T LET ANYTHING STAND IN HIS WAY.

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    YEAH.

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    AND I REMEMBER HEMORRHAGE

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    AND EMBOLISM, EVEN DETACHED RETINA.

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    IT SOUNDED SCARY. BUT WHEN YOU SMELL THE GOAL LINE,

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    THEY'RE ONLY WORDS,

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    JUST WORDS.

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    [SIGHS]

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    [CRICKETS CHIRPING]

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    (HANK) LET'S GET MOVIN'.

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    WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A HURRY TO WITNESS BILL'S SOUL-SHATTERING COLLAPSE

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    WHEN RICKY SUGGS CROSSES THAT GOAL LINE?

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    HAVE YOU BEEN TALKIN' TO DALE?

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    BECAUSE HE'S SAYIN' THE SAME THING.

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    YOU BOTH THINK BILL WILL BE DEPRESSED.

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    WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT. I AM IMPRESSED WITH THE WAY BILL HAS HANDLED THIS

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    WITH SPORTSMANSHIP AND DIGNITY.

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    DOES THIS FINGER GO WITH THESE SHORT PANTS?

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    [WHISTLE BLOWS]

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    YOU THE MAN!

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    YOU THE MAN!

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    ♪[BAND PLAYING]

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    I'M SORRY, I GOT COTTON CANDY IN YOUR HAIR.

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    [WHISTLE BLOWS]

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    (ANNOUNCER) AND ARLEN HAS A FIRST AND GOAL.

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    TIME OUT FOR A SUBSTITUTION.

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    IT'S RICKY SUGGS COMIN' IN TO BREAK THE RECORD

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    FOR MOST CAREER TOUCHDOWNS.

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    (HANK) WHAT A COMPETITOR.

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    WOW. LOOK AT HIM. HE CAN BARELY WALK.

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    WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT. IF THAT BOY DOESN'T MAKE IT IN THE N.F.L.,

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    HE'S GOT A JOB AT STRICKLAND PROPANE,

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    PENDING MR. STRICKLAND'S APPROVAL.

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    [ALL CHANTING] RICKY!

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    HUT, HIKE!

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    (PLAYER) GO, RICKY.

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    [MOANS]

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    [EXCLAIMING]

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    [GROANS]

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    THANKS.

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    WHAT THE--

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    [CROWD CHEERING]

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    NOBODY'S TRYIN' TO TACKLE HIM. THEY'RE LETTIN' HIM SCORE.

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    (ANNOUNCER) RICKY SUGGS!

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    [WHISTLES BLOWS]

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    THE NEW TOUCHDOWN RECORD HOLDER!

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    NOW THEY'RE CARRYIN' HIM IN FOR THE 2-POINT CONVERSION.

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    TOO MUCH!

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    MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOU ALL.

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    (ANNOUNCER) NOW THAT RICKY HAS BROKEN THE RECORD,

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    ARLEN WILL ALLOW HENTAFF TO SCORE A MAKE-UP TOUCHDOWN.

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    [EXCLAIMING]

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    I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE WHO MADE THIS POSSIBLE.

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    MY COACH, GOD, AND THE SCHOOL BOARD.

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    I ALSO WANNA THANK MR. DEVATROVE

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    FOR TAKING SUCH GOOD CARE OF THE TROPHY BALL.

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    [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

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    WELL...

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    [MUMBLING]

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    YUP.

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    SAID "YUP."

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    BILL, THERE'S BEING A GOOD SPORT,

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    AND THEN THERE'S JUST PLAIN BEING CHEATED.

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    I DON'T KNOW.

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    EVERYBODY SEEMED REAL HAPPY ABOUT RICKY BREAKIN' THE RECORD.

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    OH, MAN, IT'S DANG OL' 6:00 SHARP, MAN.

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    DANG OL' SPORTS JOCK AND CHAD WILL COME ON.

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    (SPORTS JOCK) NOW DON'T GO SAYIN'

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    THE SPORTS JOCK SHOULD BE FITTED FOR A SKIRT

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    AND SOME OF THEM PRETTY HOOP EARRINGS.

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    BUT I GOT A TEAR IN MY EYE LAST NIGHT

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    WATCHING RICKY BREAK THAT RECORD.

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    (CHAD) MMM-HMM.

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    WHAT? THE SPORTS JOCK, MAYBE, BUT CHAD?

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    THERE WASN'T A DRY EYE...

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    [HANK SIGHS]

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    COME ON. ISN'T ANYONE GONNA SAY

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    WHAT WE ALL BETTER BE THINKIN'?

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    IT'S AN OUTRAGE?

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    THAT'S RIGHT, DALE.

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    I AM OUTRAGED!

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    I REALLY AM.

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    BILL, IF WE FEEL THIS CHEATED,

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    I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW BAD YOU MUST FEEL.

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    NO, I FEEL BAD I COULDN'T HELP RICKY ACROSS THE LINE, OF COURSE.

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    OH, FOR THE LOVE OF--

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    YOU--YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

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    YOU KNOW, I NEVER REALLY APPRECIATED MY RECORD TILL RICKY BROKE IT.

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    I THINK I'LL SEND HIM A THANK-YOU NOTE.

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    YEAH.

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    NO. NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

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    I'M--I'M GONNA BAKE HIM SOME MUFFINS.

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    YEAH, SOME...

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    ALL RIGHT, THEN, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

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    [OVEN TIMER DINGS]

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    [SIGHS]

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    WELL, I'LL STILL LISTEN TO THE TRAFFIC AND WEATHER REPORT.

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    AND THE FISHING REPORT, BUT THAT'S IT.

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    I HAVE HAD IT WITH THE SPORTS JERK

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    AND, UH, CHAD.

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    HANK, FACTS ARE FACTS.

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    AND THE FACT IS THAT BOY WOULD HAVE BLOWN THE OLD RECORD

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    OUT OF THE WATER IF HE DIDN'T GET HURT.

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    (CLERK) I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO MAD, HANK.

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    IF THE FAT BALD GUY WHO HAD THE RECORD DOESN'T CARE, WHY SHOULD YOU?

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    HIS NAME IS BILL. YOU PLAYED ON HIS TEAM.

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    THAT WAS BILL? GOOD LORD.

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    MEGA LO SCREWS? HANK.

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    I COULDN'T GIVE THE HARDWARE STORE MY BUSINESS.

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    NOT WITH RICKY SUGGS FEVER INFECTING THE PLACE.

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    952, 953...

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    HEY, I'M SETTIN' A NEW WORLD'S RECORD.

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    WELL, THAT'S REAL GOOD, BOBBY,

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    BUT I THINK YOU HAVE TO START OVER WHEN YOU FALL OFF.

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    I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, DAD.

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    I'M NOT IN THE BEST SHAPE, AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I'M GONNA MAKE IT.

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    [GRUNTS]

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    950...

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    UH, WAIT, HOW MANY WAS THAT?

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    LET'S CALL IT AN EVEN 1,000.

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    DANG IT, BOBBY! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SET A RECORD.

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    OK.

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    1.

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    1.

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    [GRUNTS]

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    [GRUNTING] 1.

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    OH, FORGET IT.

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    THAT RICKY SUGGS.

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    I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY LET HIM LIMP HIS WAY INTO THE RECORD BOOK.

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    MMM. POOR BILL.

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    HE WAS LIVING IN HIS PAST AND THAT BOY HAS STOLEN IT.

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    WHERE IS BILL SUPPOSED TO LIVE NOW?

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    MR. CHAIRMAN, I WOULD LIKE TO RESPECTFULLY SUGGEST

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    THAT YOU PUT AN ASTERISK NEXT TO RICKY SUGGS' NAME IN THE RECORD BOOK.

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    AND THAT ASTERISK SHOULD READ:

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    "THIS RECORD WAS ATTAINED BY MEANS OF FRAUD AND BAD SPORTSMANSHIP."

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    THANK YOU.

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    THAT SUGGESTION IS DENIED, MR. HILL.

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    RICKY SUGGS IS AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL.

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    (CHAIRMAN) NOW, ON TO MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS.

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    MY MOTION TO ADD "FATTY-FATTY-BOOM-BALLATTY"

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    TO THE LIST OF UNACCEPTABLE HATE SPEECH.

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    [CRICKETS CHIRPING]

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    REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO RUN WIND SPRINTS OUT HERE

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    TILL WE COULDN'T STOP THROWIN' UP?

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    MMM-HMM.

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    WHEN WE WERE KINGS, HANK.

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    YOU OK?

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    OH, SURE.

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    GOOD SPORT DOESN'T WHINE WHEN THINGS DON'T GO HIS WAY.

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    YEAH, BUT GOOD SPORTS PLAY BY THE RULES.

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    YOU DID. THEY DIDN'T.

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    (HANK) HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT TIME WE SNUCK INTO THE STADIUM

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    AND MOWED THE WHOLE FIELD BEFORE THE GROUNDSKEEPER COULD?

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    [LAUGHS]

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    THE LOOK ON HIS FACE RIGHT BEFORE WE APOLOGIZED.

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    YEAH. WE WERE CRAZY.

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    I CAN THANK THE ARMY FOR STRAIGHTENING ME OUT.

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    YEAH. YOU WERE A CHANGED MAN WHEN YOU CAME BACK.

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    OH, YEAH. I MAY NOT HAVE MADE IT TO VIETNAM

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    SINCE THE WAR ENDED RIGHT AFTER I VOLUNTEERED.

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    BUT BARBER SCHOOL AT FORT BRAGG,

  • 13:42 - 13:44

    BAPTISM BY FIRE, MY FRIEND.

  • 13:44 - 13:46

    YEAH, IT'S TOO BAD YOU HAD TO SHIP OUT

  • 13:47 - 13:48

    BEFORE THE END OF OUR LAST SEASON.

  • 13:48 - 13:51

    WELL, THE COUNTRY NEEDED BARBERS

  • 13:51 - 13:53

    AND I WAS FLUNKIN' TRIGONOMETRY.

  • 13:54 - 13:57

    HUH. YOU WEREN'T AROUND AT GRADUATION.

  • 13:57 - 13:59

    OR SENIOR PROM.

  • 14:03 - 14:04

    WAS THERE DANCIN'?

  • 14:06 - 14:10

    COACH, WHAT HAPPENS IF A PLAYER GETS INJURED OR CAN'T FINISH HIS SEASON?

  • 14:10 - 14:11

    WELL, WE RED-SHIRT HIM

  • 14:12 - 14:14

    AND THEN LET HIM MAKE UP THE GAMES THE NEXT SEASON.

  • 14:14 - 14:15

    WHAT IF HE'S OUT FOR A COUPLE SEASONS?

  • 14:16 - 14:17

    WELL, AS LONG AS HE HASN'T GRADUATED

  • 14:17 - 14:20

    HE KEEPS HIS ELIGIBILITY AND PLAYS THE NEXT SEASON.

  • 14:20 - 14:23

    WHAT IF HE'S OUT FOR 25 SEASONS?

  • 14:23 - 14:25

    OH, HANK, FIND A PICK-UP GAME.

  • 14:25 - 14:29

    I AM TALKIN' ABOUT WILLIAM FONTAINE DELATUR DAUTERIVE.

  • 14:31 - 14:32

    THE BILLDOZER.

  • 14:32 - 14:34

    HE STILL HAS RED-SHIRT ELIGIBILITY.

  • 14:34 - 14:36

    HE DIDN'T FINISH HIS SENIOR SEASON

  • 14:36 - 14:38

    AND YOU CAN PUT HIM IN FRIDAY'S GAME.

  • 14:38 - 14:40

    ARE YOU ASKIN' ME TO SLICE ANOTHER PIECE OF PHONY-BALONEY

  • 14:41 - 14:42

    LIKE THEY MADE ME AT LAST WEEK'S GAME?

  • 14:42 - 14:44

    NO, I'M NOT ASKIN' YOU TO FIX THE GAME.

  • 14:44 - 14:46

    I'M ASKIN' YOU TO FIX AN INJUSTICE.

  • 14:46 - 14:48

    JUST PUT BILL IN

  • 14:48 - 14:50

    AND LET HIM GET HIS RECORD BACK FAIR AND SQUARE.

  • 14:50 - 14:53

    LET'S SHOW THOSE KIDS HOW WE USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL.

  • 14:53 - 14:55

    I'D HAVE TO CUT SOMEBODY.

  • 14:55 - 15:00

    UH, YOU GOT THAT EXCHANGE STUDENT WHO KICKS BAREFOOT.

  • 15:00 - 15:02

    I THINK WE'VE ALL HAD ENOUGH OF THAT.

  • 15:02 - 15:04

    I CAN PLAY AGAIN?

  • 15:04 - 15:07

    THANK GOD I NEVER GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

  • 15:07 - 15:09

    HEY, DO I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS, TOO?

  • 15:09 - 15:12

    COME ON, BILL, YOU'RE ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM.

  • 15:12 - 15:14

    JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS.

  • 15:17 - 15:18

    MMM.

  • 15:21 - 15:22

    [CLEARS THROAT]

  • 15:22 - 15:24

    [MUMBLING]

  • 15:27 - 15:29

    MMM. THERE IT IS. MY OLD UNIFORM.

  • 15:29 - 15:32

    HAVEN'T WORN IT SINCE MY 30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY.

  • 15:32 - 15:34

    SUIT UP, BILLDOZER.

  • 15:34 - 15:35

    [GROWLS]

  • 15:39 - 15:42

    HANK, HOW DID MY HEAD GET SO FAT?

  • 15:42 - 15:44

    [CLEARS THROAT]

  • 15:44 - 15:45

    I DON'T KNOW, HANK.

  • 15:45 - 15:48

    I'M--I'M STILL AN ATHLETE. I'VE GOT MY PRIDE.

  • 15:48 - 15:52

    I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE OTHER TEAM JUST ROLLIN' OVER FOR ME.

  • 15:52 - 15:53

    WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.

  • 15:53 - 15:57

    BELTON HAS THE TOUGHEST DEFENSIVE LINE IN THE DIVISION.

  • 15:57 - 15:59

    YOU KNOW THE WHOLE FIRST STRING FLUNKED HISTORY LAST YEAR

  • 15:59 - 16:01

    SO THEY COULD COME BACK AND GO TO STATE?

  • 16:01 - 16:02

    MMM.

  • 16:02 - 16:04

    THEY'LL NEVER ROLL OVER.

  • 16:05 - 16:07

    OH. GOOD.

  • 16:08 - 16:10

    (HANK) BOBBY, SUCCESS ON THE FIELD

  • 16:10 - 16:12

    DEPENDS ON HARD WORK OFF THE FIELD.

  • 16:12 - 16:16

    THAT'S WHY I RUN A TOUGH PRACTICE, BUT A FUN PRACTICE.

  • 16:16 - 16:17

    NOW, WATCH THIS.

  • 16:17 - 16:19

    HEY, BILL, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?

  • 16:19 - 16:20

    WHERE?

  • 16:20 - 16:21

    [CHUCKLES]

  • 16:21 - 16:23

    MADE YOU LOOK.

  • 16:23 - 16:25

    OK. LET'S HIT THE TACKLING SLED.

  • 16:26 - 16:28

    BOBBY, GO HELP BOOMHAUER.

  • 16:29 - 16:31

    [GROANS]

  • 16:34 - 16:35

    GO, BILL! GO, GO!

  • 16:35 - 16:36

    [BILL GRUNTING]

  • 16:36 - 16:38

    OK, BOBBY, START TAUNTING.

  • 16:38 - 16:40

    HEY, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER, SWING--

  • 16:40 - 16:42

    WAIT. NO.

  • 16:42 - 16:45

    COME ON, YOU OLD TUB OF SLOP! MOVE YOUR CAN.

  • 16:45 - 16:46

    [GRUNTING]

  • 16:46 - 16:47

    [GROWLING]

  • 16:51 - 16:53

    OH, MAN!

  • 16:53 - 16:55

    [GASPING]

  • 16:55 - 16:59

    THAT'S IT, HANK. THIS BILLDOZER'S OUT OF GAS.

  • 16:59 - 17:02

    I CAN EITHER TRAIN OR I CAN PLAY,

  • 17:02 - 17:03

    [PANTING]

  • 17:03 - 17:05

    BUT I CAN'T DO BOTH.

  • 17:05 - 17:07

    ALL RIGHT. HIT THE SHOWERS.

  • 17:07 - 17:08

    TOO TIRED.

  • 17:08 - 17:09

    I'LL GET THE HOSE.

  • 17:12 - 17:15

    (RICKY) WHEN I CROSSED THAT GOAL LINE AND SET THE RECORD

  • 17:15 - 17:16

    I DIDN'T DO IT JUST FOR ME.

  • 17:16 - 17:18

    I DID IT FOR MY GIRLFRIEND.

  • 17:18 - 17:20

    (BOTH) I LOVE YOU, RICKY.

  • 17:22 - 17:25

    AND FOR EVERYONE HERE AT ARLEN HIGH.

  • 17:25 - 17:27

    EXCEPT FOR OLD MAN CRYBABY.

  • 17:27 - 17:28

    PROBABLY GONNA COST US THE GAME.

  • 17:28 - 17:30

    WHOA! OK, THANK YOU, RICKY.

  • 17:30 - 17:31

    (BOY) RICKY SUGGS!

  • 17:32 - 17:35

    OK NOW, SETTLE DOWN, CLASS OF '01.

  • 17:35 - 17:37

    WE HAVE A NEW ADDITION TO THE TEAM.

  • 17:37 - 17:38

    [STUDENTS BOOING]

  • 17:38 - 17:40

    (GIRL) GET OFF!

  • 17:40 - 17:42

    HEY, NOW THIS GUY WAS SETTIN' FOOTBALL RECORDS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

  • 17:42 - 17:46

    HE FOUGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM IN NORTH CAROLINA DURING 'NAM.

  • 17:46 - 17:49

    I'M HONORED TO INTRODUCE THE BILLDOZER!

  • 17:55 - 17:58

    ARLEN'S NUMBER ONE!

  • 17:58 - 18:00

    [MICROPHONE SCREECHES]

  • 18:00 - 18:03

    HEY, WHERE'S THE PARTY TONIGHT?

  • 18:03 - 18:06

    ANYONE'S PARENTS OUT OF TOWN?

  • 18:06 - 18:07

    (BOY #2) LOSER!

  • 18:09 - 18:12

    HEY, MY PARENTS AREN'T EVEN ALIVE.

  • 18:12 - 18:15

    PARTY AT MY PLACE! YEAH!

  • 18:19 - 18:20

    OK.

  • 18:25 - 18:27

    (COACH) OK, EVERYBODY, HUDDLE UP.

  • 18:27 - 18:31

    ♪ ARLEN HIGH, WE HONOR THEE ♪

  • 18:31 - 18:35

    ♪ THE LEGACY OF BRAVERY ♪

  • 18:35 - 18:37

    OH, COME ON, GUYS.

  • 18:37 - 18:39

    TOO COOL TO SING THE SCHOOL SONG?

  • 18:39 - 18:42

    WE CHANGED IT BACK IN '97.

  • 18:42 - 18:45

    IT'S, UH, CANDLE IN THE WIND NOW.

  • 18:45 - 18:47

    OH, MARILYN MONROE OR ENGLAND'S ROSE?

  • 18:49 - 18:51

    LET'S SEE SOME BLOCKIN' NOW.

  • 18:51 - 18:52

    [WHISTLE BLOWS]

  • 18:53 - 18:54

    SET, HIKE.

  • 18:55 - 18:56

    [PLAYERS GROANING]

  • 18:56 - 18:58

    (ANNOUNCER) ARLEN TO PUNT THE BALL.

  • 18:58 - 19:00

    IF WE COULD JUST GET INTO SCORING POSITION,

  • 19:00 - 19:03

    WE'D GET TO SEE BILL PUT IN THE GAME.

  • 19:04 - 19:05

    [WHISTLE BLOWING]

  • 19:05 - 19:07

    DON'T HAVE A HEART ATTACK, MISTER.

  • 19:07 - 19:09

    ASPIRIN THIS MORNIN', RED WINE LAST NIGHT.

  • 19:09 - 19:11

    DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

  • 19:11 - 19:12

    [WHISTLE BLOWS]

  • 19:12 - 19:14

    [CROWD CHEERING]

  • 19:14 - 19:16

    FUMBLE-LAYA.

  • 19:16 - 19:20

    SURE IS, BOBBY, AND ARLEN'S IN SCORING POSITION.

  • 19:20 - 19:25

    OK, BILL, WE MAY NOT HAVE THEIR YOUTH OR SPEED OR PERFORMANCE-ENHANCING DRUGS.

  • 19:25 - 19:29

    BUT WE GOT SOMETHIN' THEY DON'T. GUTS.

  • 19:29 - 19:32

    NOW, GO OUT THERE AND GET US A TOUCHDOWN, BILLDOZER.

  • 19:32 - 19:34

    [GROWLING]

  • 19:36 - 19:38

    I GUESS WE'RE GIVIN' IT TO MR. DAUTERIVE.

  • 19:39 - 19:41

    JUST DON'T STEP ON ME.

  • 19:41 - 19:43

    (ANNOUNCER) NOW IN THE BACKFIELD FOR ARLEN

  • 19:43 - 19:46

    BRINGING THE NUMBER 72 OUT OF RETIREMENT,

  • 19:46 - 19:51

    ARMY SERGEANT BARBER BILL "THE BILLDOZER" DAUTERIVE.

  • 19:51 - 19:53

    [ALL GROWLING]

  • 19:53 - 19:55

    HEY, THAT'S THE BILLDOZER GROWL.

  • 19:55 - 19:57

    I THINK THAT'S THE BILLDOZER.

  • 19:57 - 19:58

    DOWN.

  • 19:58 - 19:59

    SET.

  • 19:59 - 20:01

    HIKE.

  • 20:01 - 20:02

    [GROWLING]

  • 20:04 - 20:05

    [CRACKING]

  • 20:11 - 20:12

    [CRACKING]

  • 20:28 - 20:30

    I'M OPEN. I'M OPEN!

  • 20:32 - 20:33

    NO!

  • 20:37 - 20:39

    [GRUNTING]

  • 20:44 - 20:46

    [GROWLS]

  • 20:52 - 20:53

    [WHISTLE BLOWING]

  • 20:53 - 20:54

    (REFEREE) TOUCHDOWN!

  • 20:54 - 20:56

    [CROWD CHEERING]

  • 20:57 - 20:58

    NO FAIR!

  • 20:58 - 21:00

    ASTERISK! ASTERISK!

  • 21:00 - 21:02

    [PLAYERS CHEERING]

  • 21:02 - 21:04

    WAY TO GO, MR. DAUTERIVE!

  • 21:04 - 21:06

    MY DAD SAID YOU WERE GOOD.

  • 21:08 - 21:09

    [HORN BLOWS]

  • 21:09 - 21:11

    YOU DID IT, BILL. WAY TO GO.

  • 21:11 - 21:12

    I SCORED FOR ARLEN?

  • 21:12 - 21:14

    YEP. AND YOU TIED THE RECORD.

  • 21:14 - 21:16

    THERE'S STILL TIME ON THE CLOCK.

  • 21:16 - 21:19

    IF ARLEN GETS THE BALL AGAIN, YOU CAN GET THE RECORD BACK.

  • 21:19 - 21:20

    [GROANS]

  • 21:20 - 21:25

    WHEN RICKY TIED MY RECORD, HE DID IT FAIR AND SQUARE.

  • 21:25 - 21:27

    I'M HONORED TO SHARE IT WITH HIM.

  • 21:27 - 21:28

    [GROANS]

  • 21:28 - 21:31

    BESIDES, I CAN'T GET UP.

  • 21:33 - 21:34

    THANK YOU, HANK.

  • 21:34 - 21:36

    I COULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU.

  • 21:36 - 21:39

    NO, SIR. YOU THE MAN.

  • 21:39 - 21:42

    NO, YOU THE MAN.

  • 21:43 - 21:44

    I CAN'T POINT, HANK.

  • 21:44 - 21:46

    THAT'S OK.

  • 21:46 - 21:48

    DON'T LOOK DOWN AT YOUR LEG.

  • 21:58 - 22:00

    [BIRDS CHIRPING]

  • 22:00 - 22:01

    (SPORTS JOCK) OH, IT'LL BE A BATTLE ALL RIGHT.

  • 22:01 - 22:04

    (CHAD) SAINT MARGERETS WANT REVENGE FOR THAT,

  • 22:04 - 22:05

    BUTT-WHIPPING THEY GOT SERVED UP LAST YEAR.

  • 22:06 - 22:07

    YOU KNOW, THAT COACH SHOULD HAVE DAUTERIVE

  • 22:07 - 22:09

    GIVE THEM THEIR HALF-TIME SPEECH.

  • 22:09 - 22:11

    I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE HIM.

  • 22:11 - 22:14

    HEART LIKE A LION. OLD-TIME FOOTBALL.

  • 22:14 - 22:16

    I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD WHEN THEY WHEELED HIM OFF THE FIELD.

  • 22:17 - 22:18

    THEN, JUST 2 HOURS LATER,

  • 22:18 - 22:20

    HE WAS EATIN' JALAPENO CORNBREAD

  • 22:20 - 22:21

    AT THE ARROYO DINER.

  • 22:22 - 22:25

    THAT MAN IS UPTOWN. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

  • 22:25 - 22:26

    [PANTING]

  • 22:27 - 22:29

    [BILL MUTTERING]