Propaniac – S03E15 - Sleight of Hank

S03E15 - Sleight of Hank

0:02 - 0:04
(BOBBY) IT LOOKS LIKE A RABBIT.
0:04 - 0:06
(PEGGY) OH, I GUESS THAT'S THE TAIL, HUH?
0:06 - 0:08
VERY GOOD, HONEY. WHAT ELSE DO YOU SEE?
0:08 - 0:11
THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A PIG.
0:11 - 0:13
NO, WAIT. MAYBE IT'S A HAM.
0:14 - 0:15
BOBBY, IN YOUR IMAGINATION
0:15 - 0:17
THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS.
0:17 - 0:18
LOOK, MOM, A BEE.
0:18 - 0:21
WELL, YEAH, I GUESS THAT COULD BE
0:21 - 0:22
MAYBE A PUFFY LITTLE WING AND...
0:22 - 0:23
[BUZZING] OH.
0:25 - 0:26
WE EVEN FOOLED A BEE.
0:26 - 0:28
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE BEES ARE STUPID.
0:28 - 0:31
FOOL AN OWL, THEN WE'LL TALK.
1:02 - 1:03
[DOOR CLOSING]
1:03 - 1:06
(HANK) GUESS WHO SOLD 3 BARBECUES TODAY?
1:06 - 1:09
DAD, IN HERE. I'M PAINTING MY ROOM.
1:09 - 1:12
WELL, ALL RIGHT, SON. HEH-HEH.
1:12 - 1:13
YOU CAN FINALLY WEAR THOSE OVERALLS
1:14 - 1:16
WITHOUT BEING EMBARRASSED.
1:16 - 1:18
(PEGGY) I'LL GET THE FUNSAVER.
1:18 - 1:19
UH, UH, HOLD ON A MINUTE.
1:19 - 1:21
THIS IS OUR SON'S FIRST PAINT JOB.
1:21 - 1:24
DO WE REALLY WANNA REMEMBER IT LOOKING ALL BLOTCHY?
1:24 - 1:25
THOSE AREN'T BLOTCHES.
1:25 - 1:27
THEY'RE CLOUDS.
1:27 - 1:28
HUH?
1:29 - 1:32
[HANK EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST]
1:32 - 1:34
YOU PAINTED CLOUDS?
1:34 - 1:36
WHITE PUFFY CLOUDS.
1:36 - 1:39
THIS IS A BOY'S ROOM, NOT A DAYCARE CENTER.
1:39 - 1:40
A BOY'S ROOM SHOULD BE BLUE.
1:40 - 1:42
I'M PAINTING IT BACK.
1:42 - 1:44
(PEGGY) HANK, PLEASE DO NOT STIFLE HIM.
1:44 - 1:46
IF MY SON WANTS TO STARE AT CLOUDS, THEN HE--
1:46 - 1:48
HE CAN LOOK OUT THE DANG WINDOW.
1:48 - 1:50
HE CAN SEE ALL THE CLOUDS HE WANTS.
1:50 - 1:51
NOT AT NIGHT.
1:51 - 1:54
MMM-MMM, AT NIGHT, ALL YOU CAN SEE OUT THAT WINDOW
1:54 - 1:56
IS BILL DANCING WITH HIS MOP.
2:00 - 2:01
YUP.
2:02 - 2:03
YUP.
2:03 - 2:04
YUP.
2:05 - 2:06
YUP.
2:06 - 2:07
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
2:07 - 2:09
WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
2:09 - 2:10
ALL RIGHT. WHAT IS IT?
2:11 - 2:13
NANCY'S BIRTHDAY'S ON SATURDAY,
2:13 - 2:15
AND I'M THROWING HER A SURPRISE PARTY.
2:15 - 2:17
"ABRACAPASTA:
2:17 - 2:20
MAGIC, DINING AND MORE." OH.
2:20 - 2:24
YEAH, I'VE BEEN SPRAYING THEIR KITCHEN FOR ROACHES AND SILVERFISH.
2:24 - 2:26
AND WELL, UNTIL BUSINESS PICKS UP,
2:26 - 2:28
THEY'RE PAYING ME IN FREE MAGIC SHOWS.
2:30 - 2:33
YOU HAVE TO COME. YOU ALREADY SAID, "YUP."
2:33 - 2:35
OH, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO TO THE SHOW.
2:35 - 2:36
BUT I'M NOT CLAPPING.
2:36 - 2:39
I DON'T LIKE MAGICIANS, DON'T TRUST 'EM.
2:39 - 2:42
EVER SINCE DAVID COPPERFIELD MADE THE STATUE OF LIBERTY DISAPPEAR...
2:42 - 2:44
SHAME ON HIM!
2:44 - 2:47
REMEMBER, PEOPLE, THIS IS A COVERT OPERATION.
2:47 - 2:49
I HAVE RECRUITED ONE JOHN REDCORN
2:49 - 2:52
TO KEEP NANCY BUSY ALL DAY.
2:52 - 2:55
SHE WILL NOT SUSPECT A THING.
2:58 - 3:00
OH, SUG', THIS PLACE IS PERFECT.
3:00 - 3:02
NO ONE WILL EVER SPOT US IN THIS DUMP.
3:04 - 3:05
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR HANDS
3:05 - 3:07
OUT OF MY JEANS NOW.
3:07 - 3:09
SUG', WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU'RE SO...
3:09 - 3:11
[GASPS] OH, MY GOD, IT'S DALE.
3:12 - 3:14
(ALL) SURPRISE!
3:14 - 3:15
[ALL CHEERING]
3:16 - 3:17
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.
3:18 - 3:19
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY.
3:19 - 3:21
NICE WORK, JOHN REDCORN.
3:21 - 3:23
SHE DIDN'T SUSPECT A THING.
3:23 - 3:25
YOU ARE SO CLUELESS.
3:25 - 3:26
[LAUGHING]
3:28 - 3:29
(BILL) WERE YOU SURPRISED?
3:29 - 3:30
HONEY, YOU NEVER GET OLDER.
3:30 - 3:34
WELL, IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL PARTY.
3:34 - 3:37
HANK, SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE MAGIC SHOW.
3:37 - 3:38
[SIGHS]
3:38 - 3:42
THE LAST THING I NEED IS SOME SILKY MAN IN HIS SILKY SCARVES
3:42 - 3:44
TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO HAVING FUN.
3:44 - 3:46
(ANNOUNCER) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
3:46 - 3:48
♪[DRUMS ROLLING] ABRACAPASTA IS PROUD TO PRESENT
3:48 - 3:52
ALL THE WAY FROM GUADALAJARA, MEXICO,
3:52 - 3:55
♪[TRUMPET PLAYING] THE ASTOUNDING HERRERA!
3:55 - 3:57
[ALL APPLAUDING]
3:57 - 3:58
[ALL CHEERING]
3:58 - 4:00
♪[FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING]
4:02 - 4:04
OH, LORD!
4:08 - 4:09
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
4:13 - 4:15
GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMENS.
4:15 - 4:18
I AM ASTOUNDING HERRERA.
4:18 - 4:21
GET READY TO BE ASTOUNDED.
4:21 - 4:23
♪[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING]
4:23 - 4:25
[ALL CLAPPING]
4:25 - 4:26
(DALE) ALL RIGHT!
4:28 - 4:29
[MOANS]
4:29 - 4:30
DID YOU SEE THAT?
4:30 - 4:33
HE PULLED THE WATCH RIGHT OUT OF HIS POCKET.
4:33 - 4:34
OH, HANK, WILL YOU BE QUIET?
4:34 - 4:36
THAT'S NOT PART OF THE TRICK.
4:36 - 4:38
WHERE DID THAT WATCH COME FROM?
4:39 - 4:40
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
4:40 - 4:42
YES, THERE ARE NO WIRES.
4:43 - 4:46
THE ONLY THING HOLDING HER UPS IS MAGIC.
4:46 - 4:48
SURE. WHO NEEDS WIRES
4:48 - 4:50
WHEN YOU'VE GOT A FORKLIFT BEHIND THE CURTAIN?
4:50 - 4:52
HANK, WOULD YOU PLEASE...
4:52 - 4:54
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
4:54 - 4:57
NOW THE SAWING OF WOMAN IN HALFS.
5:01 - 5:03
[AUDIENCE GASPING]
5:05 - 5:07
[ALL APPLAUDING]
5:10 - 5:11
DID YOU SEE THAT NOW?
5:11 - 5:12
HE JUST LIED TO US.
5:12 - 5:14
HE DIDN'T REALLY CUT HER.
5:14 - 5:16
NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT, HANK.
5:17 - 5:19
FOR MY NEXT ILLUSION,
5:19 - 5:21
I WILL NEED A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.
5:21 - 5:23
A BEAUTIFUL WOMANS.
5:23 - 5:24
WELL.
5:25 - 5:26
HE'S NOT GONNA PICK YOU.
5:26 - 5:28
HE'S GOT A PLANT IN THE AUDIENCE.
5:28 - 5:30
HANK, YOU ARE NOT SITTING IN A ROOM FULL OF IDIOTS.
5:31 - 5:33
WE KNOW HE DIDN'T REALLY SAW THAT WOMAN.
5:33 - 5:35
WE KNOW BIRDS DON'T GROW OUT OF HIS FINGERS.
5:35 - 5:37
WE KNOW HIS ACCENT IS PHONY,
5:37 - 5:39
BUT WE DON'T CARE.
5:39 - 5:42
THE FUN IS PRETENDING THAT IT'S REAL.
5:42 - 5:44
AH, YES, YOU.
5:44 - 5:46
HUH?
5:46 - 5:47
[GIGGLES]
5:48 - 5:49
(PEGGY) EXCUSE ME.
5:49 - 5:50
(AUDIENCE MEMBER) YOU GO, GIRL.
5:51 - 5:52
THANK YOU.
5:52 - 5:54
AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME, MY LOVELY?
5:54 - 5:58
OH, OH, ME LLAMO PEGGY HILL.
5:58 - 6:02
AH, YOU SPEAK SPANISH, IN A WAY.
6:02 - 6:04
THEN YOU MUST KNOW
6:04 - 6:06
THAT MOST PINATAS IS FILLED WITH THE CANDIES,
6:06 - 6:08
AND ESTE BURRO IS NO EXCEPTION.
6:08 - 6:10
BUT THE SWEETNESS I AM FILLING IT WITH
6:10 - 6:13
IS THE SWEETNESS THAT IS PEGGY HILL.
6:13 - 6:15
[GIGGLING]
6:15 - 6:16
[SIGHS]
6:17 - 6:19
(BILL) GET IN THERE, PEGGY.
6:19 - 6:20
(WOMAN) COME ON, PEGGY.
6:29 - 6:30
[AUDIENCE GASPING]
6:32 - 6:34
I WILL TAKE 3 SWINGS AT THE BURRO.
6:34 - 6:37
IF MISS PEGGY HILL IS LUCKY, I WILL MISS.
6:37 - 6:39
WILL SHE GET LUCKY TONIGHT?
6:41 - 6:42
1,
6:42 - 6:43
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
6:43 - 6:44
2,
6:44 - 6:45
[ALL GASP]
6:45 - 6:47
AY, DIOS MIO.
6:47 - 6:51
WILL ASTOUNDING HERRERA STRIKE OUT WITH MISS PEGGY HILL?
6:51 - 6:52
WE SHALL SEE.
6:52 - 6:53
3!
6:53 - 6:55
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
6:55 - 6:57
GET OUT OF THE DONKEY, PEGGY. WE'RE GOING HOME.
6:57 - 7:00
BUT I STILL HAVE ONE MORE CHANCE TO HIT ON YOUR WIFE.
7:00 - 7:01
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
7:01 - 7:02
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
7:02 - 7:03
ALL RIGHT, MISTER,
7:03 - 7:05
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR TOMFOOLERY.
7:05 - 7:07
LET HER OUT OF THERE.
7:07 - 7:08
AS YOU WISH.
7:09 - 7:11
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
7:12 - 7:13
[ALL CHEERING]
7:14 - 7:15
WHEE!
7:16 - 7:17
(HANK) WHERE'S PEGGY?
7:17 - 7:19
YOU BRING MY WIFE BACK RIGHT NOW,
7:19 - 7:20
OR I'M GETTING THE MANAGER.
7:21 - 7:22
[PEGGY TRILLING]
7:22 - 7:23
I'M RIGHT HERE, HANK.
7:23 - 7:24
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
7:24 - 7:25
[ALL CHEERING]
7:26 - 7:30
WHAT? HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
7:30 - 7:33
I CANNOT BREAK THE MAGICIAN'S CODE.
7:33 - 7:35
AND NEITHER CAN MY LOVELY ASSISTANT.
7:35 - 7:37
[CLICKING TONGUE]
7:37 - 7:38
OK, THAT'S IT.
7:38 - 7:41
NANCY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IS OVER.
7:41 - 7:43
HE WILL NOT GET VERY FAR
7:43 - 7:45
WITHOUT HIS KEYS, LADIES AND GENTLEMENS.
7:45 - 7:46
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
7:46 - 7:48
[ALL APPLAUDING]
7:48 - 7:50
YOU THIEF, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS.
7:52 - 7:53
[COUGHING]
7:53 - 7:55
WHAT THE... HEY.
7:55 - 7:57
♪[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING]
8:09 - 8:10
A TRAP DOOR?
8:10 - 8:12
NO. HMM.
8:12 - 8:13
MIRRORS IN THE--
8:13 - 8:14
NO!
8:15 - 8:16
ROTATING STAGE?
8:16 - 8:17
WILL YOU STOP IT?
8:17 - 8:19
I PROMISED HERRERA I WOULD NOT TELL.
8:19 - 8:22
AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO A MAGICIAN
8:22 - 8:23
THAN KEEPING SECRETS.
8:23 - 8:26
PROBABLY BECAUSE SO MANY OF THEM ARE GAY.
8:26 - 8:28
WELL, YOU MADE A PROMISE TO ME, TOO.
8:28 - 8:30
"LOVE, HONOR, AND OBEY."
8:30 - 8:32
AND I WANT YOU TO OBEY ME
8:32 - 8:35
WHEN I TELL YOU TO TELL ME HOW THAT TRICK WAS DONE.
8:35 - 8:36
[LAUGHS]
8:36 - 8:39
YOU JUST CAN'T STAND THAT I KNOW SOMETHING
8:39 - 8:40
THAT YOU DON'T.
8:40 - 8:41
WELL, GET USED TO IT, HANK,
8:41 - 8:43
BECAUSE I WILL NEVER TELL YOU
8:43 - 8:44
HOW THAT TRICK WAS DONE.
8:44 - 8:46
NEVER EVER.
8:48 - 8:53
SO, UH, THIS HERRERA, IS HE, UH...
8:53 - 8:56
YES, OF COURSE HE IS. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.
8:56 - 9:00
THEN THE PINATA EXPLODED IN A SHOWER OF CANDY.
9:00 - 9:02
WOW! WHAT KIND OF CANDY?
9:02 - 9:03
JOLLY RANCHERS.
9:03 - 9:04
OH, MY GOD!
9:04 - 9:06
THEN, POOF, I WAS GONE.
9:06 - 9:08
WHERE WERE YOU?
9:08 - 9:12
BACK IN MY SEAT TAKING A LONG, COOL SIP OF MY CORONA.
9:12 - 9:14
NO ONE KNEW HOW I GOT THERE.
9:14 - 9:17
PERHAPS NOT EVEN ME. [HANK SIGHS]
9:17 - 9:20
WOULD YOU STOP FILLING HIS HEAD WITH NONSENSE?
9:20 - 9:24
BOBBY, THERE'S A PERFECTLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION
9:24 - 9:26
FOR YOUR MOTHER'S BRIEF DISAPPEARANCE.
9:27 - 9:28
I'M LISTENING.
9:28 - 9:30
WELL, UH,
9:30 - 9:32
YOU SEE, UH...
9:32 - 9:33
[PEGGY SIGHS]
9:33 - 9:35
ALL RIGHT, I WILL TELL YOU.
9:36 - 9:37
IT WAS MAGIC.
9:37 - 9:38
I KNEW IT!
9:38 - 9:39
AREN'T YOU LATE FOR SCHOOL?
9:39 - 9:40
IT'S SUNDAY.
9:40 - 9:42
WHAT ABOUT SUNDAY SCHOOL?
9:42 - 9:43
[GULPS]
9:45 - 9:46
"'AND I WILL DWELL IN THE HOUSE
9:47 - 9:49
OF THE LORD FOREVER,' GROWLED THE BEAR."
9:49 - 9:50
[BELL RINGS]
9:50 - 9:52
UH-OH, BEFORE WE GO, CHILDREN, CHILDREN,
9:53 - 9:54
I WANT TO KNOW WHO EVERYONE IS DOING
9:54 - 9:56
THEIR BIBLE REPORT ON NEXT WEEK.
9:56 - 9:57
BOBBY HILL?
9:57 - 10:00
I'M GONNA DO MY REPORT ON JESUS.
10:00 - 10:01
OH, I LOVE JESUS.
10:01 - 10:04
JESUS IS GOOD, BOBBY, VERY GOOD.
10:06 - 10:09
SHE DISAPPEARED FROM THE PINATA,
10:09 - 10:11
AND REAPPEARED IN HER CHAIR.
10:11 - 10:13
THE QUESTION IS, HOW? ANY THEORIES?
10:14 - 10:16
YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I HAVE THEORIES?
10:16 - 10:18
ABOUT THE MAGIC TRICK, DALE.
10:18 - 10:20
OH, NOT A CLUE.
10:20 - 10:21
[EXCLAIMS]
10:22 - 10:24
IT'S DONE WITH TWINS.
10:24 - 10:27
ONE PEGGY IN THE PINATA, ONE PEGGY IN THE AUDIENCE.
10:27 - 10:29
ANOTHER WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE PEGGY,
10:29 - 10:31
SMELLS LIKE PEGGY, FEELS LIKE--
10:31 - 10:34
MY WIFE DOES NOT HAVE A TWIN.
10:34 - 10:37
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE, AND YOU NEVER WILL.
10:37 - 10:38
THEY DESTROYED THE PROOF
10:38 - 10:40
WHEN THEY BLEW UP ONE OF THE PEGGYS.
10:40 - 10:42
[SIGHING] BOOMHAUER?
10:42 - 10:44
MAN, I DIDN'T SEE NOTHING. THAT COCKTAIL WAITRESS
10:44 - 10:46
GAVE ME HER PHONE NUMBER, MAN.
10:46 - 10:49
WENT OVER TO HER HOUSE, HAD ROPES AND PULLEYS ALL OVER THE PLACE, MAN.
10:49 - 10:50
YEAH, THAT COULD WORK.
10:50 - 10:52
PEGGY IS HOISTED BY A ROPE,
10:52 - 10:54
CLIMBS OUT A HEATING DUCT,
10:54 - 10:55
RUNS THROUGH THE PARKING LOT--
10:55 - 10:57
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
10:57 - 10:59
MOM ALREADY TOLD YOU HOW THE TRICK WAS DONE.
10:59 - 11:00
MAGIC.
11:00 - 11:01
I KNEW IT.
11:01 - 11:02
[HANK SIGHS]
11:02 - 11:04
BOBBY, DON'T YOU HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO DO?
11:04 - 11:05
NO.
11:05 - 11:08
WHAT ABOUT SUNDAY SCHOOL HOMEWORK?
11:08 - 11:10
OY.
11:11 - 11:16
"THIS BEGINNING OF MIRACLES DID JESUS IN CANA OF GALILEE
11:16 - 11:18
"AND MANIFESTED FORTH HIS GLORY
11:18 - 11:20
AND HIS DISCIPLES BELIEVED ON HIM."
11:20 - 11:21
HMM.
11:21 - 11:22
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
11:22 - 11:27
WELL, IT SEEMS A LITTLE, UM, BORING.
11:27 - 11:28
YEAH, BORING.
11:28 - 11:32
BUT I COPIED IT RIGHT OUT OF THE BIBLE.
11:32 - 11:34
OH, WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN BORING. NOT BORING. I MEAN, IT'S...
11:35 - 11:38
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT STINKS.
11:38 - 11:41
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT BEING CREATIVE WITH IT.
11:41 - 11:45
OK, WHEN I SUBSTITUTE TEACH A HISTORY CLASS,
11:45 - 11:48
I DON'T JUST READ THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
11:48 - 11:50
I, MAYBE, READ IT IN A FUNNY VOICE.
11:50 - 11:52
YOU KNOW, UM...
11:52 - 11:55
[IMITATING FAT ALBERT] HEY, HEY, HEY. "WE THE PEOPLE"...
11:55 - 11:57
[IN NORMAL VOICE] YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
11:57 - 11:58
LET'S GO, LUANNE. WE'RE LATE.
11:58 - 11:59
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
12:00 - 12:00
OUT.
12:01 - 12:01
OUT?
12:02 - 12:03
YES, OUT.
12:03 - 12:06
TO SEE THE ASTOUNDING HERRERA AT ABRACAPASTA.
12:06 - 12:07
LUANNE.
12:07 - 12:08
CAN I COME, TOO?
12:08 - 12:10
BOBBY, HONEY, NO.
12:10 - 12:13
YOUR FATHER IS JUST GONNA TELL YOU HOW ALL THE TRICKS ARE DONE
12:13 - 12:16
AND POSSIBLY RUIN MAGIC FOR YOU FOREVER.
12:16 - 12:19
NOW, WOULDN'T YOU RATHER STAY IN YOUR ROOM
12:19 - 12:20
AND DO SOME HOMEWORK, HUH?
12:22 - 12:23
READY?
12:23 - 12:25
I'LL GET MY COAT.
12:26 - 12:27
[SAWING]
12:28 - 12:30
SHE'S GOT HER LEGS PULLED UP TO HER CHEST.
12:30 - 12:35
SO, THOSE ARE FAKE FEET STICKING OUT OF THE BOX.
12:35 - 12:36
IF IT'S THAT OBVIOUS TO YOU,
12:36 - 12:38
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING] IMAGINE HOW I FEEL.
12:38 - 12:39
FOR MY FINAL ILLUSION,
12:39 - 12:41
I WILL NEED A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.
12:42 - 12:44
A BEAUTIFUL WOMANS.
12:44 - 12:46
OK, LUANNE, LIKE WE PRACTICED.
12:46 - 12:47
[CALLING]
12:47 - 12:50
(ASTOUNDING HERRERA) YES, PLEASE. IN THE BACK.
12:51 - 12:52
YES, PLEASE.
12:53 - 12:54
IN THE BACK.
12:55 - 12:55
UH...
12:56 - 12:57
YES, PLEASE.
12:57 - 12:58
[GIGGLING]
12:58 - 12:59
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
12:59 - 13:02
I WON'T REALLY DISAPPEAR. I WON'T REALLY DISAPPEAR.
13:02 - 13:04
I WON'T REALLY DISAPPEAR.
13:04 - 13:08
AND NOW I STEP INSIDE THE PINATA.
13:08 - 13:10
(HANK) NO, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO GO IN THERE.
13:10 - 13:12
THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO THE TRICK.
13:14 - 13:15
[PULLEY WHIRRING]
13:19 - 13:20
OH!
13:20 - 13:22
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
13:27 - 13:28
PSST!
13:28 - 13:30
HAVE YOU FIGURED IT OUT YET?
13:31 - 13:34
UM, I THINK THAT'S MY SEAT.
13:45 - 13:46
PEGGY, PEGGY, COME HERE QUICK.
13:46 - 13:48
I FIGURED IT OUT.
13:49 - 13:51
ALL RIGHT, HOW'S IT DONE?
13:51 - 13:52
GET IN THE BOX. YOU'LL SEE.
13:52 - 13:54
BUT WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME?
13:54 - 13:55
PLEASE?
13:55 - 13:59
FOR MY NEXT TRICK, I NEED A BEAUTIFUL WOMANS.
13:59 - 14:01
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
14:10 - 14:12
I HAVE SEALED THE BOX.
14:12 - 14:14
(PEGGY) OK, NOW WHAT?
14:14 - 14:16
NOW YOU TELL ME HOW THAT TRICK WAS DONE.
14:16 - 14:17
WHAT?
14:17 - 14:19
YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT TILL YOU TELL ME.
14:19 - 14:20
HANK HILL. I CAN WAIT.
14:22 - 14:26
MOM, DAD, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH.
14:26 - 14:28
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, HONEY.
14:28 - 14:29
OK.
14:31 - 14:32
[SIGHS]
14:32 - 14:33
ALL RIGHT.
14:38 - 14:40
(DOOLEY) "BUT I ONLY SAW ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS
14:40 - 14:43
'CAUSE GOD WAS HOLDING ME."
14:43 - 14:44
[ALL CLAPPING]
14:46 - 14:48
PEGGY, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T--
14:48 - 14:51
THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK TO ME.
14:51 - 14:55
OUR NEXT REPORT IS FROM BOBBY HILL: THE AMAZING JESUS.
14:56 - 14:57
GOOD MORNING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
14:58 - 15:01
I AM THE AMAZING JESUS,
15:01 - 15:04
SON OF GOD AND MASTER OF PRESTIDIGITATION.
15:08 - 15:09
OOH-AH!
15:10 - 15:12
THANK YOU.
15:12 - 15:14
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
15:14 - 15:16
YOUR FOLLOWERS WANT A GLASS OF WINE,
15:16 - 15:19
BUT ALL YOU HAVE IS WATER?
15:19 - 15:22
WELL, IF YOU'RE THE AMAZING JESUS,
15:22 - 15:23
NO PROBLEM.
15:23 - 15:26
WATER INTO WINE! IT'S A MIRACLE.
15:26 - 15:28
JOHN 2:11. THANK YOU.
15:28 - 15:29
[ALL WHISPERING]
15:29 - 15:30
[HANK AND PEGGY MOAN]
15:30 - 15:33
NOW WE'RE GONNA NEED SOMETHING TO GO WITH ALL THIS WINE.
15:33 - 15:35
MAYBE SOME BREAD?
15:35 - 15:37
BUT HOW ARE YOU GONNA FEED ALL
15:37 - 15:40
THESE HUNGRY PEOPLE WITH JUST ONE SLICE?
15:40 - 15:44
NO PROBLEM IF YOU'RE THE AMAZING JESUS.
15:44 - 15:47
AMEN. IT'S A MIRACLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
15:47 - 15:49
MARK 6:44.
15:49 - 15:50
THANK YOU!
15:50 - 15:51
[GASPS]
15:51 - 15:52
SHH!
15:53 - 15:54
(BOBBY) AND NOW FOR MY NEXT MIRACLE,
15:55 - 15:56
I'M GONNA NEED A LARGE, WOODEN CROSS
15:56 - 15:58
AND A COUPLE OF VOLUNTEERS.
15:59 - 16:01
(BOTH) NO!
16:06 - 16:08
WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG.
16:08 - 16:10
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE JESUS,
16:10 - 16:11
NOT MAKE A MOCKERY OF HIM.
16:11 - 16:13
NEXT BUMPER STICKER I SEE,
16:13 - 16:14
YOU WILL GET UP HERE,
16:14 - 16:16
AND YOU WILL HONK LIKE THE DICKENS.
16:16 - 16:19
I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE JESUS INTERESTING,
16:19 - 16:21
LIKE MOM TOLD ME.
16:21 - 16:25
OUR LORD AND SAVIOR DOES NOT NEED ANY HELP KEEPING PEOPLE'S INTEREST.
16:25 - 16:29
I--I THOUGHT BOBBY WOULD MAKE A LAMB OUT OF COTTON BALLS.
16:29 - 16:32
NOW THEY'RE GONNA STICK US IN THAT DANG NEWSLETTER.
16:32 - 16:35
I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS OF ANYONE
16:35 - 16:36
JUST BECAUSE I'M BOBBY'S DAD.
16:36 - 16:39
WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DRAGGED HIM DOWN TO ABRACAPASTA
16:39 - 16:41
AND TOLD HIM HOW ALL THE TRICKS WERE DONE.
16:41 - 16:43
YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE ALL THE MYSTERY OUT OF LIFE,
16:44 - 16:44
DON'T YOU, HANK?
16:45 - 16:46
DON'T BLAME ME. YOU'RE THE ONE
16:46 - 16:48
WHO GOT HIM ALL WORKED UP ABOUT MAGIC.
16:48 - 16:52
YOU FILLED HIS HEAD WITH PUFFY CLOUDS AND JOLLY RANCHERS.
16:52 - 16:54
WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN?
16:55 - 16:58
MY FOLKS YELLED AT ME THE WHOLE WAY HOME.
16:58 - 16:59
THEN THEY STOPPED YELLING AT ME
16:59 - 17:01
AND STARTED YELLING AT EACH OTHER.
17:01 - 17:04
THEY'RE STILL YELLING AT EACH OTHER.
17:05 - 17:07
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
17:07 - 17:09
SOMETIMES MY PARENTS FIGHT,
17:09 - 17:11
BUT THEY HAVE A RULE:
17:11 - 17:13
NEVER GO TO SLEEP ANGRY.
17:13 - 17:16
THEY ALWAYS MAKE UP BEFORE GOING TO THEIR BEDROOMS.
17:16 - 17:18
HOW DO THEY MAKE UP?
17:18 - 17:19
THEY DO SOMETHING NICE FOR EACH OTHER.
17:20 - 17:23
LIKE MY MOM BUYS MY DAD A CARTON OF CIGARETTES,
17:23 - 17:25
AND MY DAD BUYS MY MOM A DUFFEL BAG
17:25 - 17:27
WITH HIS FREQUENT SMOKER POINTS.
17:28 - 17:30
YEAH, I'LL GET MY PARENTS
17:30 - 17:32
TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR EACH OTHER.
17:32 - 17:35
THAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN MY PLAN
17:35 - 17:37
OF TURNING THEM BOTH AGAINST LUANNE.
17:44 - 17:46
MOM, MOM, COME IN HERE, QUICK.
17:46 - 17:48
I'VE GOT SOUP IN THE MICROWAVE. WHAT?
17:49 - 17:50
[GASPS]
17:50 - 17:51
DAD MUST HAVE DONE IT.
17:51 - 17:53
ISN'T THAT NICE OF HIM?
17:53 - 17:56
MAYBE IT'S JUST HIS WAY OF SAYING HE'S SORRY.
17:57 - 17:59
OH, HANK.
18:03 - 18:08
OH, YOU SWEET, SWEET, STUBBORN, SWEET, SWEET MAN.
18:08 - 18:10
APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
18:10 - 18:12
WHAT APOLOGY? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
18:12 - 18:14
OH, SINCE DAD DID SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU,
18:14 - 18:17
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL HIM HOW THE TRICK WAS DONE.
18:18 - 18:21
OH, NOW I GET IT.
18:21 - 18:24
YOU THOUGHT YOU'D JUST SLAP A FEW CLOUDS ON BOBBY'S WALL,
18:24 - 18:27
AND I WOULD GIVE UP HERRERA'S SECRET?
18:27 - 18:28
CLOUDS?
18:30 - 18:32
OH, LORD, THEY'RE BACK.
18:32 - 18:34
RIGHT. NICE TRY, BUT IT WON'T WORK.
18:34 - 18:35
(HANK) I DIDN'T PAINT THESE CLOUDS.
18:35 - 18:37
(PEGGY) DON'T LIE TO ME, HANK.
18:37 - 18:38
I'M NOT.
18:38 - 18:40
AND DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO, EITHER.
18:40 - 18:41
WELL, I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT,
18:41 - 18:42
YOU PIG-HEADED LIAR.
18:42 - 18:43
OH!
18:43 - 18:44
[BOBBY PANTING]
18:44 - 18:47
JOSEPH, I SCREWED EVERYTHING UP.
18:47 - 18:50
HEY! HMM. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.
18:50 - 18:52
[HANK AND PEGGY ARGUING]
18:54 - 18:56
MY PLAN COMPLETELY BACKFIRED.
18:56 - 18:59
NOW THEY'RE FIGHTING WORSE THAN EVER.
18:59 - 19:00
OH, MAN!
19:00 - 19:02
DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA GET DIVORCED?
19:03 - 19:04
WHAT?
19:04 - 19:06
I DON'T KNOW. THEY COULD.
19:06 - 19:09
BUT DON'T WORRY, LOTS OF PEOPLE GET DIVORCED.
19:09 - 19:11
MR. DAUTERIVE GOT DIVORCED.
19:11 - 19:12
♪[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
19:14 - 19:15
♪[HUMMING]
19:16 - 19:17
OH.
19:18 - 19:19
[CRYING]
19:20 - 19:22
THE BOY'S 12 YEARS OLD.
19:22 - 19:24
WHAT DOES HE NEED CLOUDS ON THE WALL FOR?
19:24 - 19:27
AND THEY DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE CLOUDS. THEY LOOK LIKE...
19:27 - 19:29
WHAT, HANK? WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
19:29 - 19:33
WELL, LIKE--LIKE BIG, WHITE BLOTCHES OF BAD PAINTING.
19:33 - 19:36
WELL, MAYBE TO SOMEONE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IMAGINATION.
19:36 - 19:38
I SEE ALL SORTS OF THINGS.
19:38 - 19:41
WELL, IF YOU ASK ME, YOU'VE GOT TOO MUCH IMAGINATION.
19:41 - 19:45
EVERYTHING'S ALL LOOP-DE-LOOPS AND FLIBBERTIGIBBET.
19:45 - 19:46
I LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD
19:46 - 19:49
WHERE MEN SELL PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES.
19:49 - 19:51
WHAT DO YOU DO?
19:51 - 19:53
I TRADE IN IDEAS.
19:53 - 19:56
I AM A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER AND A PROFESSIONAL MUSER.
19:56 - 19:57
[SCOFFS]
19:58 - 20:00
YEAH, WELL, IDEAS DON'T PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.
20:00 - 20:01
OH, REALLY?
20:01 - 20:03
WELL, IDEAS DECIDE HOW TO PREPARE THAT FOOD.
20:03 - 20:06
AND THEN PROPANE COOKS IT. I WIN.
20:06 - 20:09
YOU DON'T WIN. YOU DON'T... YOU CAN'T JUST...
20:09 - 20:10
YOU CAN'T-- I CAN'T JUST WHAT?
20:10 - 20:11
YOU DON'T JUST--
20:11 - 20:13
WHAT? WHAT? WHERE'S YOUR IMAGINATION NOW?
20:13 - 20:16
WHERE ARE THOSE PRECIOUS IDEAS WHEN YOU NEED 'EM, HUH?
20:16 - 20:19
HANK, YOU... YOU... AHHH!
20:19 - 20:20
OW!
20:20 - 20:21
OW!
20:27 - 20:28
[HANK AND PEGGY LAUGHING]
20:29 - 20:30
(PEGGY) OH, HANK.
20:33 - 20:36
WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU STOPPED FIGHTING.
20:36 - 20:37
THAT'S RIGHT.
20:37 - 20:39
EVERYTHING'S JUST FINE NOW, HONEY.
20:39 - 20:40
BUT HOW?
20:40 - 20:44
WELL, UH, YOUR MOTHER KICKED ME IN THE SHIN.
20:44 - 20:47
I KICKED HER BACK AND WELL, HEH...
20:47 - 20:49
WELL, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
20:49 - 20:51
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
20:52 - 20:54
WELL, SURE IT DOES. SEE, I WAS MAD,
20:54 - 20:57
YOUR MOTHER WAS MADDER, AND WE SORT OF, UH...
20:59 - 21:02
AW, HECK, I GUESS IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE,
21:02 - 21:04
BUT I GUESS IT DOESN'T HAVE TO.
21:04 - 21:07
THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN.
21:07 - 21:08
THAT'S RIGHT.
21:08 - 21:10
YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING.
21:10 - 21:12
LOOSEN UP, BOBBY. I TELL YOU WHAT,
21:12 - 21:14
WHY DON'T YOU SIT WITH US HERE,
21:14 - 21:17
AND WE'LL WATCH THE CLOUDS GO BY?
21:17 - 21:18
[SIGHS]
21:18 - 21:19
OK.
21:22 - 21:25
HEY, NOW, SEE, THAT ONE OVER THERE LOOKS LIKE A,
21:25 - 21:28
UH, UH, A PROPANE TANK.
21:28 - 21:30
OR A GUMMY BEAR.
21:30 - 21:33
VERY GOOD, BOTH OF YOU.
21:33 - 21:35
(HANK) HEY, THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A PROPANE TANK, TOO.
21:35 - 21:38
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE LITTLE ONES OVER THERE LOOK LIKE?
21:38 - 21:40
(BOBBY) PROPANE ACCESSORIES?
21:40 - 21:42
YES, YES, BUT WHICH ONES?
21:42 - 21:44
UH, SPATULA?
21:44 - 21:46
WELL, NOW YOU'RE JUST GUESSING.
21:46 - 21:47
PEGGY?
21:47 - 21:49
(PEGGY) IT'S A GRILL BRUSH.
21:53 - 21:57
AND NOW, THE PINATA OF DEATH REVEALED.
21:57 - 21:59
AS SOON AS OUR VOLUNTEER GETS IN THE BURRO,
22:00 - 22:02
A FLAP BENEATH THE TAIL OPENS.
22:02 - 22:05
SHE STEPS OUT AND PUTS ON A PONCHO AND SOMBRERO
22:05 - 22:08
AND DANCES OFF STAGE.
22:08 - 22:09
THE FIRE?
22:09 - 22:10
[LAUGHS]
22:10 - 22:12
JUST A DIVERSION.
22:12 - 22:14
IT APPEARS OUR VOLUNTEER HAS VANISHED.
22:14 - 22:15
HAS SHE?
22:15 - 22:16
HARDLY.
22:17 - 22:21
AND THAT IS THE SECRET BEHIND THE PINATA OF DEATH.
22:21 - 22:23
PLEASE DON'T TELL MY DAD.
22:23 - 22:25
(DALE) YOU ARE SO CLUELESS.
22:25 - 22:26
[DALE LAUGHING]