S03E10 - A Fire Fighting We Will Go
0:31 - 0:34
YOU GUYS ARE IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE.
0:34 - 0:36
THIS IS THE WORST OFFENSE I'VE SEEN
0:36 - 0:39
IN MY 14 YEARS AS "C" FIRE INVESTIGATOR.
0:39 - 0:43
DAUTERIVE, COMMA, WILLIAM FONTAINE DELATUR,
0:43 - 0:45
COMMA, SERGEANT BARBER, COMMA, UNITED STATES--
0:45 - 0:48
COMMA, NUMBSKULL, COMMA, SHUT UP.
0:48 - 0:49
WELL, GOTTA GO.
0:49 - 0:50
SIT DOWN!
0:51 - 0:52
NOBODY'S GOING ANYWHERE
0:52 - 0:54
UNTIL I FIND OUT HOW THIS HAPPENED.
0:54 - 0:57
NOW, ACCORDING TO HECK DORLAND'S STATEMENT,
0:57 - 0:59
YOU WERE STANDING OUT BEHIND YOUR HOUSES
0:59 - 1:01
DOING SOME LIGHT YARD WORK.
1:04 - 1:06
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
1:06 - 1:07
BILL CALLED.
1:07 - 1:08
HE'S GONNA BE LATE.
1:08 - 1:10
NEW BATCH OF RECRUITS
1:10 - 1:11
STARTED AT THE BASE THIS MORNING.
1:11 - 1:13
HE'S BUSY BAGGIN' HAIR.
1:13 - 1:14
[HORN HONKS]
1:16 - 1:18
THERE'S OLD HECK DORLAND
1:18 - 1:20
TAKING THE FIRE TRUCK OUT FOR A SPIN.
1:20 - 1:21
LUCKY BUNNY.
1:23 - 1:24
[BRAKES HISSING]
1:25 - 1:26
[FIRE ENGINE DOOR OPENING]
1:27 - 1:29
I'M A FIREMAN! I'M A--
1:29 - 1:31
[GROANS]
1:31 - 1:32
[SIGHS]
1:32 - 1:34
[SIGHING]
1:34 - 1:37
THE PROFESSIONAL FIREFIGHTERS GOT THE RED FLU THIS MORNING,
1:37 - 1:39
LEAVING JUST US VOLUNTEERS.
1:39 - 1:41
THEY'RE HOLDING OUT FOR A RAISE.
1:41 - 1:42
THEY'RE STRIKIN'?
1:42 - 1:44
WELL, SIR, FIRES DON'T GO ON STRIKE,
1:45 - 1:46
I TELL YOU WHAT.
1:46 - 1:49
HECK CAME BY THE BASE LOOKIN' FOR VOLUNTEERS,
1:49 - 1:52
I WAS THE ONLY ONE THE BASE COMMANDER LET GO.
1:52 - 1:54
WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU GUYS? YOU INTERESTED?
1:54 - 1:55
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT FIREMEN, MAN?
1:55 - 1:57
DANG OLD TALKIN' ABOUT, "RAMPART 51, RAMPART 51."
1:57 - 2:00
DANG OLD EMERGENCY. MAN, THAT DANG OLD SHOW'S ON TAPE, MAN.
2:00 - 2:01
I LOVE THAT.
2:01 - 2:04
FACT: VOLUNTEER FIREMEN RECEIVE SIRENS
2:04 - 2:05
FOR THEIR PERSONAL VEHICLES.
2:05 - 2:08
FACT: AND WE CAN USE 'EM WHENEVER WE WANT.
2:08 - 2:09
FACT!
2:09 - 2:12
DALE, SIRENS ARE ONLY FOR FIRE EMERGENCIES.
2:12 - 2:15
NOW, HECK, ASSUMING I PASS THE REQUIRED COURSES
2:15 - 2:17
AND NOTIFY MY INSURANCE COMPANY IN WRITING,
2:17 - 2:19
WILL I GET TO DRIVE THE FIRE TRUCK?
2:19 - 2:20
YOU GOT ANY SPEEDIN' TICKETS?
2:20 - 2:21
NO, SIR.
2:21 - 2:23
I DO! I DO!
2:23 - 2:25
[ALL YELLING]
2:25 - 2:26
(HANK) WOW, LOOK AT THAT.
2:28 - 2:29
[EXCLAIMING]
2:29 - 2:30
SPOONS.
2:30 - 2:33
CAN I ASSUME THE POTATOES WILL BE MASHED TONIGHT?
2:34 - 2:35
[TITTERS]
2:35 - 2:37
WELL, BOBBY, YOUR DAD IS A REAL FIREMAN.
2:37 - 2:39
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
2:39 - 2:40
I'M A LITTLE SURPRISED.
2:40 - 2:43
YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS SEEMED TO MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL
2:43 - 2:45
ABOUT BEING A PROPANE SALESMAN.
2:45 - 2:47
I'VE GOT NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS FREE.
2:47 - 2:49
I COULD BE A FIREMAN, TOO.
2:49 - 2:51
SHE'S RIGHT, HANK. DEPUTIZE HER.
2:51 - 2:54
NO, LUANNE CAN'T BE A FIREMAN.
2:54 - 2:57
WHAT IF A VERY LARGE MAN WAS TRAPPED IN A BURNING BUILDING
2:57 - 2:59
AND SHE HAD TO CARRY HIM OUT?
2:59 - 3:02
THEN SHE WOULD DO A FIREPERSON'S CARRY,
3:02 - 3:04
FORMERLY KNOWN AS A "FIREMAN'S CARRY."
3:04 - 3:05
WHAT'S THAT?
3:05 - 3:08
IT ALLOWS A WOMAN TO LIFT A MAN'S WEIGHT
3:08 - 3:10
THROUGH A SCIENTIFIC PRINCIPLE
3:10 - 3:12
THAT I LIKE TO CALL "LEVERAGE."
3:12 - 3:14
COME OVER HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU.
3:14 - 3:15
[SIGHS]
3:15 - 3:17
[GRUNTING]
3:18 - 3:19
OH, YEAH!
3:20 - 3:21
OH, NO.
3:21 - 3:22
[GROANS]
3:22 - 3:24
PEGGY, ARE YOU OK?
3:24 - 3:28
YES, OF COURSE I AM. OK, LET'S EAT.
3:28 - 3:29
[SLURPING]
3:36 - 3:38
I'LL START THE WATER FLOW.
3:38 - 3:40
(HECK) GRIBBLE, YOU'RE NOZZLE MAN,
3:40 - 3:42
SO AIM AT THE BASE OF THE FLAME.
3:43 - 3:45
[MUTTERING]
3:45 - 3:48
COME ON, DALE! STRAIGHTEN IT OUT! I CAN'T!
3:48 - 3:49
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING.
3:49 - 3:51
[MUMBLING]
3:51 - 3:52
HANDLE THE HOSE!
3:52 - 3:54
(BILL) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
3:54 - 3:55
(HANK) PICK IT UP!
3:55 - 3:56
[ALL YELLING]
3:56 - 3:57
(DALE) HELP!
4:02 - 4:05
WASN'T MY FAULT. MY MASK FOGGED UP.
4:06 - 4:07
DAMN IT, DALE.
4:07 - 4:10
THE SAFETY AND WELFARE OF ARLEN IS AT STAKE. GET SERIOUS.
4:13 - 4:14
GOOD IDEA, BEEF.
4:14 - 4:17
ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME YOU BOYS MET THE JAWS.
4:18 - 4:19
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
4:19 - 4:23
JAWS OF LIFE, A.K.A. "THE JAWS."
4:23 - 4:25
VICTIM'S TRAPPED IN A CAR,
4:25 - 4:27
THIS BABY WILL PEEL IT LIKE AN ORANGE.
4:27 - 4:30
YEAH? LET'S SEE WHAT IT DOES WITH A REAL ORANGE.
4:33 - 4:36
HECK, I THOUGHT I'D GO AHEAD AND SHARPEN ALL THE AXES.
4:36 - 4:39
♪ HANK'S A LUMBERJACK AND HE'S OK ♪
4:39 - 4:41
[BOTH LAUGHING]
4:43 - 4:46
RELAX, HANK. WE'RE OFF THE CLOCK.
4:46 - 4:48
HEY, SAY HELLO TO CHET ELDERSON,
4:48 - 4:51
ONE OF ARLEN'S FIRST VOLUNTEER FIREMEN.
4:51 - 4:53
WHAT AN HONOR, SIR. HANK HILL,
4:53 - 4:55
PROPANE AND PROPANE ACCESSORIES.
4:55 - 4:56
[BELCHES]
4:56 - 4:59
AIN'T YOU THE IDIOT WHAT BLEW UP THE MEGA LO MART?
4:59 - 5:03
I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE MY VACATION THAT WEEK. IDIOT.
5:03 - 5:04
UH, ACTUALLY, SIR,
5:04 - 5:07
THE IDIOT YOU'RE THINKING OF WAS NAMED BUCKLEY.
5:07 - 5:10
YEAH, YEAH. I'M RETIRED NOW.
5:11 - 5:12
WHO UNPLUGGED MY SIGN?
5:12 - 5:15
CHET, YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T PLUG IT IN.
5:15 - 5:16
IT DON'T WORK RIGHT.
5:16 - 5:17
I'LL GET IT FOR YOU.
5:20 - 5:21
[GRUNTING]
5:23 - 5:24
[LAUGHING]
5:26 - 5:28
[BEEPING]
5:34 - 5:35
HOW DID I DO, BOBBY?
5:35 - 5:37
OK, GO!
5:37 - 5:39
OH, GOD.
5:44 - 5:46
[PANTING] THAT'S GOOD, BOYS.
5:46 - 5:47
YOU KEEP PLAYING FIREMEN.
5:47 - 5:49
PEGGY, LET ME HELP YOU.
5:49 - 5:51
OH, I'M FINE. I'VE GOT IT.
5:51 - 5:53
DID YOU HURT YOUR LEG? 'CAUSE, UH, YOU SEEM TO BE LIMPING.
5:53 - 5:55
WELL, I HAVE NOT NOTICED A LIMP.
5:55 - 5:57
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M CARRYING A HEAVY BAG.
5:58 - 5:59
OR MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
5:59 - 6:01
WITH WHEN YOU PULLED YOUR GROIN PICKING ME UP.
6:01 - 6:04
WELL, HONEY, I DON'T THINK THAT COULD BE TRUE,
6:04 - 6:06
SINCE LADIES DO NOT HAVE GROINS.
6:10 - 6:13
ALL RIGHT, LET'S TALK ABOUT OXYGEN TANKS.
6:13 - 6:15
THE CYLINDER GAUGE SHOULD BE WITHIN
6:15 - 6:18
HOW MANY P.S.I. OF THE REGULATOR GAUGE?
6:18 - 6:20
ANYONE?
6:20 - 6:21
I AM PROTESTING THE RESULTS
6:21 - 6:24
OF LAST NIGHT'S PING-PONG TOURNAMENT.
6:24 - 6:27
BOOMHAUER CANNOT PLAY THE BALL OFF OF BILL'S HEAD.
6:27 - 6:31
NO, WE ALL AGREED MY HEAD'S IN PLAY.
6:32 - 6:33
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
6:33 - 6:34
(HANK) IN THE FIRST ROUND,
6:35 - 6:38
THE DALLAS COWBOYS SELECT BOBBY HILL, LEFT TACKLE.
6:38 - 6:39
[HANK CHUCKLES]
6:40 - 6:43
HEY, DAD. I TOLD YOU MY DAD WAS A FIREMAN.
6:43 - 6:45
HE'S A VOLUNTEER.
6:45 - 6:49
OH, DAD, WE'RE MUDDY. COULD YOU HOSE US OFF?
6:49 - 6:52
SURE, I'LL OPEN UP THE HYDRANT.
6:52 - 6:56
DALE, THE HYDRANTS ARE FOR FIRE EMERGENCIES.
6:56 - 6:59
THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPEN THE HYDRANT.
6:59 - 7:01
BECAUSE THEY'RE VOLUNTEERS.
7:02 - 7:05
SON, YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET VERY, VERY WET.
7:05 - 7:07
FIREMAN GRIBBLE, DRILL TIME.
7:07 - 7:08
GET ME THE HYDRANT WRENCH.
7:08 - 7:10
MR. BOOMHAUER, I NEED YOU TO RUN A 3-INCH HOSE.
7:10 - 7:12
BILL, HOOK IT UP.
7:16 - 7:18
[GRUNTING]
7:18 - 7:19
IT'S STUCK.
7:19 - 7:21
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE TURNING IT THE WRONG WAY.
7:21 - 7:22
GIVE ME THE WRENCH.
7:22 - 7:24
NO, WAIT. WAIT.
7:25 - 7:26
[GURGLING]
7:26 - 7:29
SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!
7:29 - 7:30
[MUMBLING]
7:31 - 7:32
HEY!
7:33 - 7:34
DAMN IT, DALE, YOU STRIPPED THE BOLT.
7:35 - 7:36
IT WASN'T ME.
7:38 - 7:39
GET OUT OF THE DANG OLD WAY, MAN.
7:40 - 7:42
QUIT IT, KNUCKLEHEAD. THE JAWS AIN'T FOR THAT.
7:43 - 7:44
[DALE YELLS]
7:46 - 7:49
[DALE MUMBLING]
7:49 - 7:52
SO YOU WERE THE ONES WHO BUSTED THAT HYDRANT?
7:52 - 7:55
WE GOT AN ANONYMOUS CALL IT WAS A BUNCH OF KIDS.
7:55 - 7:56
BUNCH OF KIDS?
7:56 - 7:59
I GAVE YOU NAMES: HILL, BOBBY, GRIBBLE, JOSEPH.
7:59 - 8:00
IT WAS DALE'S FAULT.
8:01 - 8:02
IT WAS DALE WHO TOOK THE JAWS OF LIFE.
8:02 - 8:03
[BOTH YELL]
8:03 - 8:04
OH, GOD!
8:04 - 8:06
THE HYDRANT'S THE LEAST OF OUR PROBLEMS.
8:06 - 8:08
HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THAT.
8:08 - 8:10
HE'S RIGHT, I DON'T.
8:10 - 8:13
YOU HALF-WITS COULD BE LOOKING AT JAIL TIME.
8:13 - 8:14
[STUTTERING]
8:14 - 8:17
MY NAME IS SHACKELFORD, RUSTY SHACKELFORD.
8:17 - 8:20
I REFUSE TO SPEAK WITHOUT MY ATTORNEY PRESENT.
8:20 - 8:22
I AM MR. SHACKELFORD'S ATTORNEY,
8:23 - 8:24
RUSTY SHACKELFORD.
8:24 - 8:26
MY CLIENT PLEADS INSANITY.
8:26 - 8:29
MY NAME IS DAUTERIVE, COMMA, BILL,
8:29 - 8:31
AND I AM ALSO INSANE.
8:31 - 8:32
[GROANING]
8:38 - 8:41
GRIBBLE, YOU'VE HAD YOUR PHONE CALL.
8:41 - 8:42
I KNOW, BUT NOW I'M MAKING ONE
8:42 - 8:43
AS SHACKELFORD.
8:43 - 8:45
YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH?
8:45 - 8:46
[SIGHS]
8:46 - 8:49
LET'S JUST GET BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND.
8:49 - 8:51
AFTER YOU BROKE THE FIRE HYDRANT...
8:53 - 8:54
PLEASE, GUYS,
8:54 - 8:57
WE'VE BEEN GIVEN A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY HERE.
8:57 - 9:00
NOW LET'S NOT DO ANYTHING MORE TO SCREW THIS UP.
9:00 - 9:02
NOW, HOW ABOUT RUNNING SOME LADDER-CARRY DRILLS?
9:03 - 9:05
NOT INTERESTED. YOU PUSHED ME ASIDE,
9:05 - 9:07
MADE ME LOOK LIKE A FOOL
9:07 - 9:09
IN FRONT OF MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.
9:10 - 9:11
[GRUNTS]
9:11 - 9:12
HEY, SAGE,
9:12 - 9:14
PLUG IN MY ALAMO SIGN, WILL YOU?
9:14 - 9:15
BETTER NOT, DALE.
9:15 - 9:16
REMEMBER, IT DOESN'T WORK RIGHT.
9:16 - 9:19
♪ BE-A-BAY, BEE-BEE ♪
9:19 - 9:22
♪ BE-I-BICKIE-BY, BE-O-BO, BICKIE-BY-BO ♪
9:22 - 9:23
I SAID NOT TO.
9:23 - 9:24
♪ BE-YOU-BOO ♪
9:24 - 9:25
HEY, I FOUND A CUPBOARD
9:25 - 9:27
WITH ALL KINDS OF JERKY IN IT.
9:27 - 9:30
YOU KNOW, I'LL BET WE COULD USE THIS LID AS A FRISBEE.
9:30 - 9:32
CATCH, HANK.
9:32 - 9:33
WHAT? THAT DANG OLD EAR, MAN.
9:33 - 9:34
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?
9:35 - 9:38
I MEAN, DANG OLD FATTY BELT-BUCKLE, MAN.
9:38 - 9:39
[BILL GROANING]
9:39 - 9:41
(HECK) WHAT THE...
9:41 - 9:43
WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
9:43 - 9:44
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
9:44 - 9:46
BOOMHAUER, PUT SOME ICE ON THAT EAR.
9:46 - 9:48
BILL, YOU FIX THE WINDOW. DALE--
9:48 - 9:49
NO, NO MORE ORDERS.
9:49 - 9:51
HECK, I CANNOT WORK WITH THIS MAN HERE.
9:51 - 9:53
I WANT A TRANSFER.
9:53 - 9:56
DALE, SHUT UP. YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT.
9:56 - 9:59
♪ BE-A-BICKIE-BY, BE-BO-BO, BICKIE-BY-BO ♪
9:59 - 10:00
(HECK) THAT'S ENOUGH!
10:00 - 10:02
NOW, EITHER YOU GUYS GET ALONG,
10:02 - 10:04
OR I'LL FIND 4 OTHERS WHO CAN.
10:08 - 10:11
HEALTH CARE FOR STRIKIN' FIREFIGHTERS!
10:13 - 10:15
OH, AUNT PEGGY,
10:15 - 10:17
IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR GROINS ARE STILL HURTING YOU.
10:17 - 10:19
I JUST NEED TO SPEND THE NIGHT ICING IT.
10:20 - 10:22
THANK GOD HANK'S SLEEPING AT THE FIRE STATION TONIGHT.
10:22 - 10:24
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT TO HIM
10:24 - 10:27
THAT YOU HURT YOURSELF PICKING UP BOBBY?
10:27 - 10:29
OH, HONEY, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED.
10:35 - 10:36
[HANK SIGHS]
10:36 - 10:38
(HANK) NOW, WHO LEFT THE... WHAT?
10:38 - 10:39
[DALE SHOUTING]
10:39 - 10:41
[BILL GRUNTS]
10:42 - 10:43
(HANK) WHAT THE HELL...
10:43 - 10:45
YOU CAN'T USE THE FIRE HOSE LIKE THIS.
10:45 - 10:47
YOU'LL DAMAGE THE ELASTICITY.
10:47 - 10:50
WHAT YOU GOT UNDER THE FOIL, MR. PARTY POOPER?
10:50 - 10:52
SOME PARTY POOP?
10:52 - 10:55
UH, PEGGY MADE SOME FRITO PIE FOR US.
10:55 - 10:56
HEY, YO.
10:56 - 10:59
HEY, DALE, I WAS AHEAD WHEN HANK RUINED OUR GAME.
10:59 - 11:00
SO I WIN, RIGHT? WRONG.
11:00 - 11:02
YOU AUTOMATICALLY LOSE,
11:02 - 11:04
BUT I'LL GO DOUBLE OR NOTHING ON THE PING-PONG COURT.
11:05 - 11:06
ALL RIGHT. OK.
11:08 - 11:09
[BOTH GRUNTING]
11:11 - 11:12
[GRUNTING]
11:13 - 11:14
[PING-PONG BALL BOUNCING]
11:14 - 11:16
OK, FELLAS, TIME TO HIT THE HAY.
11:16 - 11:17
KNOCK IT OFF.
11:17 - 11:19
(DALE) GAME'S NOT OVER YET.
11:19 - 11:20
PICK IT UP TOMORROW.
11:21 - 11:22
HEY, MAN, HEADS UP.
11:23 - 11:24
MAN, I GOT OLD HOT FRITO PIE, MAN.
11:27 - 11:29
GIVE ME THE BALL, DAMN IT.
11:29 - 11:30
THERE.
11:30 - 11:31
[DALE MOANS]
11:31 - 11:32
[GRUNTS]
11:32 - 11:34
THERE.
11:35 - 11:38
DANG IT, BILL, THAT WAS MY ONLY PAIR OF GLASSES.
11:38 - 11:40
DANG IT, HANK, THAT WAS OUR ONLY BALL.
11:42 - 11:44
[SCREAMING]
11:45 - 11:48
HEY, MAN, I WAS DANG OLD SCARFING ON THAT, MAN.
11:48 - 11:50
[LAUGHING]
11:50 - 11:51
MY FACE HURTS.
11:51 - 11:54
AND IT'LL MATCH YOUR ASS WHEN I'M DONE KICKIN' IT.
11:54 - 11:56
GET DOWN HERE. I'M GONNA, I'M GONNA...
11:56 - 11:57
[GROANS]
12:00 - 12:01
[GRUNTING]
12:05 - 12:07
NO FAIR, HANK. I'M STUCK.
12:08 - 12:09
[BOTH GRUNTING]
12:09 - 12:11
(BILL) HEY!
12:14 - 12:16
GOOD NIGHT.
12:16 - 12:18
[PING-PONG BALL CLACKING]
12:19 - 12:22
ARE YOU GUYS PLAYIN' WITH THAT BUSTED BALL NOW?
12:23 - 12:24
[GROANS]
12:29 - 12:31
I GOT BAD NEWS, MEN.
12:31 - 12:34
CHET ELDERSON DIED. NATURAL CAUSES.
12:34 - 12:35
OH, WHAT A SHAME.
12:35 - 12:36
BUMMER, MAN.
12:36 - 12:38
VERY SAD.
12:38 - 12:39
[BILL FARTS]
12:39 - 12:41
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
12:46 - 12:48
(DALE) COME ON, HANK. PICK UP THE PACE.
12:48 - 12:50
I CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOIN'.
12:50 - 12:52
DAMN YOU, BILL.
12:52 - 12:54
SHH. DANG OLD DISRESPECTFUL, MAN.
12:54 - 12:56
LIFT, BILL, MAN.
12:56 - 12:59
I AM! IT'S DALE, HE'S FAKING IT.
12:59 - 13:00
AM NOT.
13:00 - 13:02
DALE, NO WONDER MY END FEELS SO HEAVY.
13:02 - 13:04
GET YOUR HANDS ON THE CASKET.
13:04 - 13:06
IT'S BAD LUCK.
13:06 - 13:07
[GRUNTS]
13:08 - 13:10
[ALL YELLING]
13:12 - 13:13
[GASPS]
13:14 - 13:16
[ALL GROANING]
13:17 - 13:19
TOLD YOU IT WAS BAD LUCK.
13:19 - 13:20
[MOANS]
13:21 - 13:22
HANK, I WANT TO OFFER--
13:22 - 13:23
DON'T.
13:23 - 13:25
I MEAN, I JUST WANTED TO--
13:25 - 13:28
NO, YOU CANNOT SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN.
13:28 - 13:30
THAT GOES FOR ME, TOO, FAKER.
13:30 - 13:32
WHY DON'T YOU EAT SOME MORE PIZZA?
13:32 - 13:34
THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO IS EAT PIZZA.
13:34 - 13:36
NO WONDER YOU'RE BALD AND YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU.
13:36 - 13:38
THAT OLD DANG OLD AMEN, MAN.
13:38 - 13:41
HEY, I'M BURNED.
13:41 - 13:43
ALL OF YOU, GO TO BED.
13:43 - 13:45
IT'S 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.
13:45 - 13:47
WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TALKIN' TO ME?
13:47 - 13:48
STOP THE FIGHTIN'!
13:48 - 13:52
THIS IS NO WAY TO HONOR THE MEMORY OF CHET ELDERSON.
13:52 - 13:55
I THINK I SHALL HONOR CHET'S MEMORY
13:55 - 13:58
BY PLUGGING IN HIS BELOVED ALAMO BEER SIGN.
14:01 - 14:03
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
14:03 - 14:05
(FEMALE DISPATCHER) CODE 44: GOOBERSMOOCHES RESTAURANT,
14:05 - 14:07
ENGINE 91, RESPOND.
14:07 - 14:09
CODE 44. OUR FIRST FIRE.
14:09 - 14:10
LET'S GO. MOVE IT OUT!
14:10 - 14:11
HUH?
14:21 - 14:23
[FIRE ENGINE SIREN WAILING]
14:32 - 14:34
FIRE'S OUT, MEN.
14:34 - 14:35
[SIGHING]
14:35 - 14:38
WELL, THAT'S GOOD, I GUESS.
14:38 - 14:41
I WAS DOWN THE STREET HAVING A PLAQUE MADE.
14:41 - 14:42
I THOUGHT WE'D RENAME THE STATION
14:43 - 14:45
"CHET ELDERSON FIREHOUSE"
14:45 - 14:47
SINCE HE DIDN'T GET A DECENT BURIAL.
14:47 - 14:48
[PAGERS BEEPING]
14:48 - 14:49
[GASPS]
14:50 - 14:51
THEY'RE CALLING ALL UNITS.
14:51 - 14:52
WHERE IS IT?
14:52 - 14:54
OH, MY GOD!
14:57 - 14:59
[FIRE ENGINE SIRENS WAILING]
15:05 - 15:07
UH, WHERE DO YOU WANT US, CHIEF?
15:07 - 15:09
BACK IN THE GRAVE WITH CHET ELDERSON.
15:10 - 15:11
AHEM,
15:12 - 15:16
I HEREBY DEDICATE YOU THE CHET ELDERSON FIREHOUSE.
15:18 - 15:20
SIR, I'VE KEPT A JOURNAL OF ALL THE VIOLATIONS
15:20 - 15:22
THESE 3 NINCOMPOOPS HAVE COMMITTED,
15:22 - 15:24
AND I'LL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TURN IT OVER--
15:24 - 15:27
I'VE READ THAT JOURNAL. IT'S ALL LIES.
15:27 - 15:28
HANK DID IT. BILL DID IT, TOO.
15:28 - 15:30
I BEGGED 'EM NOT TO.
15:30 - 15:32
GOD, YOU CHICKEN-NECKED ASS!
15:32 - 15:33
I'LL KILL YOU!
15:33 - 15:35
[ALL GRUNTING]
15:37 - 15:39
(CHIEF) OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!
15:39 - 15:41
[ALL GROANING]
15:46 - 15:48
WELL, I THOUGHT YOU GUYS HAD REACHED YOUR PEAK
15:48 - 15:51
WHEN YOU PANTSED CHET ELDERSON AT HIS FUNERAL.
15:51 - 15:53
BUT THEN YOU OUTDID YOURSELF
15:53 - 15:56
BY BURNING DOWN YOUR OWN FIREHOUSE!
15:56 - 15:58
NOT ME. IT WAS THESE SCREW-UPS.
15:58 - 16:01
WELL, MAYBE THIS IS THE WRONG TIME TO BRING THIS UP,
16:01 - 16:03
BUT WE ARE ONLY VOLUNTEERS.
16:03 - 16:04
WE'RE GOING TO GO OVER
16:04 - 16:05
EVERY MINUTE OF WHAT HAPPENED
16:05 - 16:08
BEFORE YOU LAMEBRAINS LEFT FOR GOOBERSMOOCHES.
16:09 - 16:12
THEN I'LL KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU TO BRING UP ON CHARGES.
16:13 - 16:15
GRIBBLE, YOU FIRST.
16:15 - 16:18
WELL, AS USUAL, I WAS PERFORMING
16:18 - 16:22
RIGOROUS FIRE-SAFETY CHECKS ON THE STATION HOUSE.
16:24 - 16:25
[SMOKE DETECTOR RINGING]
16:25 - 16:29
BILL HAD HIS FACE BURIED IN A FRENCH BREAD PIZZA.
16:29 - 16:31
HANK WAS GIVING ORDERS FOR A CHANGE.
16:31 - 16:33
...10 SECONDS
16:33 - 16:35
TO GET YOURSELVES SQUARED AWAY BEFORE I TAKE...
16:35 - 16:37
(DALE) AND BOOMHAUER THOUGHT BEING A FIREMAN
16:37 - 16:40
MEANT A CHANCE TO WORK ON HIS TAN.
16:40 - 16:41
OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T REALIZE
16:42 - 16:43
HIS TANNING LOTION HAD BEEN REPLACED
16:43 - 16:46
WITH SOME ICY HOT HANK BOUGHT
16:46 - 16:48
FOR PEGGY'S HUMILIATING GROIN PULL.
16:49 - 16:50
[GROANING]
16:50 - 16:52
[CHUCKLING]
16:52 - 16:55
[FIRE ALARM RINGING] BUT THEN THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF.
16:55 - 16:59
AND BOOMHAUER KNOCKED OVER HIS TANNING LAMP
16:59 - 17:02
AS HE BOLTED UPRIGHT.
17:02 - 17:06
I RACED FOR THE FIRE TRUCK WITH LIGHTNING SPEED.
17:08 - 17:12
UH, UH, THAT'S ALL I REMEMBER.
17:12 - 17:15
NO, NO WAY, MAN. NO GRIBBLE OLD CRAZY CRAP, MAN.
17:15 - 17:17
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED. THE DANG OLD TRUTH, MAN.
17:17 - 17:21
BILL, MAN, THREW THE LID, BOOM, RIGHT ON MY EAR, MAN.
17:21 - 17:22
[SMOKE DETECTOR RINGING]
17:22 - 17:24
ANY DAY YOU WANT A DANG OLD DETECTOR, MAN.
17:24 - 17:27
GALL-DARN GOVERNMENT TAKE AWAY FREEDOM OF SMOKE, MAN.
17:27 - 17:29
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THE DANG OLD YO, MAN.
17:29 - 17:31
HEY, MAN, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
17:31 - 17:32
THE DANG OLD BOY AIN'T RIGHT, MAN.
17:32 - 17:35
TALKIN' ABOUT KICKIN' SOME DANG OLD ASS, MAN, THAT OLD DANG...
17:35 - 17:39
FOR GOD'S SAKE, HANK, ACT LIKE AN ADULT, MAN.
17:39 - 17:41
AND KEEP IT DOWN, GUYS, WILL YOU?
17:41 - 17:44
I'M TRYIN' TO GET THROUGH AN ARTICLE ON VINTAGE CAMAROS
17:44 - 17:47
AND I'VE BEEN ON THE SAME DANG PAGE FOR 20 MINUTES.
17:49 - 17:50
DANG OLD PRETTY, PRETTY PIZZA.
17:50 - 17:52
I WOULD, I TELL YOU WHAT.
17:53 - 17:56
SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT BILL LEFT THE OVEN ON?
17:56 - 17:58
(BILL) NOT TRUE.
17:58 - 18:02
OK. I HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR PIZZA.
18:02 - 18:05
I HAVE A LOT OF WEAKNESSES, ACTUALLY.
18:05 - 18:08
BUT I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER TURNING OFF THE TOASTER OVEN.
18:08 - 18:10
[SMOKE DETECTOR RINGING]
18:19 - 18:21
LET'S SEE.
18:21 - 18:23
UH, THEN I HAD MYSELF A LITTLE DESSERT.
18:25 - 18:27
OH, MY.
18:27 - 18:30
UH, OK, UH,
18:30 - 18:33
SO I TURNED OFF THE TOASTER OVEN, JUST LIKE I SAID.
18:33 - 18:35
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF?
18:35 - 18:38
UH, I WAS IN THE GARAGE GETTING BUNKERED OUT.
18:38 - 18:42
DALE WAS ON THE TAILBOARD SWITCHING THE OXYGEN TANKS...
18:42 - 18:44
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SWITCHING THE TANKS?
18:44 - 18:46
WHY WOULD YOU SWITCH THE OXYGEN TANKS?
18:46 - 18:48
OH, LET'S FACE IT.
18:48 - 18:52
ME, BILL, AND BOOMHAUER HAD NO IDEA WHAT WE WERE DOING.
18:52 - 18:54
YOU'RE THE ONLY REAL FIREMAN AMONG US.
18:54 - 18:56
I SAW YOUR TANK WAS RUNNIN' LOW,
18:56 - 18:58
MINE WAS FULL
18:58 - 19:00
AND I KNEW YOU'D NEED EVERY MOLECULE OF OXYGEN
19:00 - 19:02
TO CARRY OUR CHARRED BODIES
19:02 - 19:05
OUT OF THAT RAGING INFERNO.
19:05 - 19:07
SO THE FIRE COULD HAVE BEEN CAUSED
19:07 - 19:10
BY GRIBBLE'S SMOKIN', BOOMHAUER'S TANNIN',
19:10 - 19:13
OR DAUTERIVE'S INCESSANT COOKIN'.
19:13 - 19:15
IT COULD HAVE BEEN, BUT IT WASN'T.
19:15 - 19:18
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY IT WASN'T. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
19:18 - 19:21
WE HAD FINALLY REALIZED OUR BOYHOOD DREAMS.
19:21 - 19:23
WE HAD BECOME FIREFIGHTERS.
19:23 - 19:25
EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FIGHTING FIRES,
19:25 - 19:28
WE WERE BUSY FIGHTING EACH OTHER.
19:28 - 19:30
ANYWAY, THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF...
19:30 - 19:32
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
19:37 - 19:41
AND I SPRUNG INTO ACTION. I SWITCHED OFF THE LAMP,
19:41 - 19:44
TURNED OFF THE STOVE AND PUT OUT THE CIGARETTE.
19:44 - 19:48
I RAN TOWARD THE FIRE TRUCK AND I SAW DALE FIDDLING IN THE BACK.
19:48 - 19:52
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HE WAS BUSY SWITCHING THE OXYGEN TANKS.
19:52 - 19:54
AWFULLY NICE THING OF HIM TO DO
19:54 - 19:55
SINCE WE WEREN'T EVEN ON SPEAKING TERMS.
19:56 - 19:57
(DALE) STILL AREN'T.
19:57 - 20:00
(HANK) THEN I PUT MY BLINKER ON TO PULL OUT.
20:00 - 20:02
WAIT A MINUTE.
20:02 - 20:05
I REMEMBER SEEING SOME KIND OF YELLOW LIGHT IN THE MIRROR.
20:05 - 20:07
I KNOW WHAT CAUSED THE FIRES.
20:07 - 20:11
SOMEBODY PLUGGED IN THAT STUPID ALAMO BEER SIGN.
20:11 - 20:13
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHO THAT SOMEBODY HAD TO BE.
20:13 - 20:14
[MUMBLING]
20:14 - 20:17
THAT SOMEBODY HAD TO BE...
20:19 - 20:20
[MUMBLING]
20:22 - 20:23
CHET ELDERSON.
20:23 - 20:24
I DID NOT...
20:24 - 20:26
CHET ELDERSON!
20:26 - 20:28
YUP, CHET WAS ALWAYS TRYIN' TO PLUG IT IN.
20:28 - 20:30
HE LOVED THAT SIGN.
20:30 - 20:32
BUT THE DANG THING DIDN'T WORK RIGHT.
20:32 - 20:33
IT THREW OFF SPARKS AND...
20:33 - 20:36
WELL, IT WAS JUST A REAL FIRE HAZARD.
20:36 - 20:37
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DALE?
20:37 - 20:39
UH, YES,
20:39 - 20:41
CHET ELDERSON MUST HAVE PLUGGED THAT SIGN IN
20:41 - 20:43
THE LAST TIME HE WAS AT THE STATION.
20:43 - 20:44
WHAT A MORON!
20:44 - 20:48
MAY--MAY HE REST IN PEACE. RIGHT, BILL?
20:48 - 20:51
RIGHT. YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE CHET.
20:52 - 20:54
TELL YOU WHAT, MAN, DON'T GO DRAGGIN'
20:54 - 20:55
OLD CHET'S NAME THROUGH THE MUD.
20:56 - 20:57
OLD DALE'S THE ONE WHO DID IT, MAN.
20:57 - 21:00
YOU OUGHT TO LEAVE OLD CHET ALONE, MAN.
21:00 - 21:02
SO, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU BELIEVES
21:03 - 21:05
THAT CHET ELDERSON STARTED THAT FIRE?
21:06 - 21:07
[SIGHS]
21:07 - 21:09
WELL, IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME.
21:09 - 21:12
I TOLD HIM A HALF A DOZEN TIMES NOT TO PLUG IN THAT SIGN.
21:12 - 21:14
[ALL SIGHING]
21:14 - 21:15
I DON'T KNOW.
21:15 - 21:17
CHET WAS ONE HECK OF A FIREMAN.
21:17 - 21:19
I HATE TO SOIL HIS GOOD NAME.
21:19 - 21:23
WELL, GUESS WE COULD JUST CALL IT AN ELECTRICAL FIRE.
21:23 - 21:24
ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.
21:24 - 21:27
GOOD IDEA. THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO.
21:28 - 21:29
[SIGHS]
21:29 - 21:31
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
21:32 - 21:36
WELL, I HEARD MRS. THROCKMORTON'S LOOKING TO HIRE 4 PLUMBERS.
21:36 - 21:37
NO!
21:37 - 21:39
IT'S ALL THE BEER WE CAN DRINK.
21:41 - 21:42
[SIGHS]
21:42 - 21:43
OK, I COULD USE A BEER.
21:43 - 21:45
YUP.
21:45 - 21:46
YUP.
21:46 - 21:47
MMM-HMM.
21:58 - 22:00
[GRUNTING]
22:07 - 22:08
OK.
22:12 - 22:13
[SIGHING HAPPILY]
22:16 - 22:17
[PEGGY PANTING]
22:17 - 22:19
[PEGGY GRUNTING]
22:22 - 22:23
OH, YEAH!
22:25 - 22:28
[GRUNTING]
22:28 - 22:30
(DALE) ♪ BICKIE-BY, BE-BO-BO, BICKIE-BY-BO ♪